Remake Me
by Jaiime95
Summary: It's been a month after the New York fight. The Avengers have regrouped and are desperately on the search for the missing war criminal, Loki. Only, he's been trapped inside his own mind forced to watch Thor die over and over by two unlikely villains, Emily and Stanley. New friendships will be formed and family bonds will be strengthened. Sequel to my previous story: Panic. R&R.
1. Introduction

**Introduction**

It's been a month since the New York disaster. Much has changed; I have changed. I'm no longer the panicking little girl I was, I'm braver, stronger. I'm twenty years of age and have suffered hardships that make me feel twice that. I used to be a younger member of a government agency called S.H.I.E.L.D, that was until the cunning devil named Loki Laufeyson came to earth. A month ago he tried to start an intergalactic war and subjugate every human on the planet. With the efforts of a team called the Avengers, made of extraordinary men, the aliens were destroyed. But like all wars, there are always casualties. I lost my older brother, Phil Coulson in the fight and I have never been the same since.

He gave me a locket as my birthday present, with an image of the both of us inside, it has not left my neck since that day. It is a constant reminder of what I'm fighting for.

Along with the help of my new found ally, Stanley Witmore, have captured Loki and have been inflicting torture on him for the past four weeks.

He remains borderline comatose, stuck in between his dreams and reality. Rather than physically torture him he is trapped in a loop to watch the same image play in his head over and over again. A fake memory of his own brother, Thor Odinson, being killed in various shapes and forms. But this is only phase one of his punishment, in three days time, the turn of the month will be up and we will release him from his state only to toy with him once more. I had decided long ago that his pain and suffering would not be so swift as death. I wanted to destroy him, pummel him into ash.

There was only one problem with my plan. My ally had established a telepathic connection with all of the Avengers members, one of them being Loki's brother. They had been led to believe they had captured the real Loki and I had faked my own death in order to carry out my plans. Thor and Loki came from a far away place called Asgard and with the aid of an alien energy source, the tesseract, he returned home and out of reach of the telepathic link. One day ago he returned from Asgard, calling all the Avengers together again, in search for the real Loki. You would think that their suspicions would be far from a dead person, but before I left them I visited my brothers funeral and caught Tony Stark's attention. Since then he has been using his own satellite technology to try and trace me down, I have to sneakily hack his system and make sure it never crosses the area where our prisoner is being held.

If they ever find us, if they ever learn of my deception my punishment will be severe. But more than that, the effect it will have on my previous team mates. I was in a... romantic... relationship with the leader of the team; Steve Rogers, Captain America. I gave up on us in order to seek my revenge, I faked my own death and made him suffer the pain of loosing yet another person he knew. I used to feel guilty about my actions, but I've reached the point where I understand that holding onto sentiment about the past will do me no good and only stops me from becoming the strong person I know I can be. My heart has only room for one. That's on of the reasons I don't go by the codename Panic anymore, it holds to much emotion in it and it no longer applies to me. I am Unfaze and as the name suggests, I don't blink at even the worst of things.

"Can you bring me a bottle of water?" Stanley requested, "He's really feisty today."

"Are you sure you can handle him?" I pressed, going and getting him a water bottle from the fridge in the warehouse.

"Yeah, of course. I've been trained to keep anyone under. It's just since we ran out of the knock out gas he's been harder to contain."

"Do you want me to go get more?"

"You mean steal more?" he queried. I avoided his question.

"Do you want more?"

"No, not worth it. In three days we've gotta take him out of it anyway. Just keep and eye on him, I need to go to sleep. Wake me up for my watch?"

"Sure." I smiled and Stanley took a short walk to where the beds were made up. Made of just a flimsy foam and a few dirty sheets were kept with us, it was enough to get us through. Loki sat strapped into an old barber's chair I stole from the run down hairdressers further into town. I pulled up a chair beside him and looked onto his face. He had a thick line of sweat building above his brow. Turning on the taps from a far, I wet a cloth and brought it to myself. Gently I dabbed his forehead, and sighed. It was like taking care of a baby. As much fun as it was to know that we were mentally destroying him, seeing what he had been to reduced to was slightly alarming. But anytime I felt sorry for him I just tightened his straps and remember what he did and why he was here. This time was different though, I did not feel affection towards him in the slightest, but he felt like my responsibility. It was like it was my duty to protect the nine realms from his reach. Though I couldn't let him die, not just yet. If that was my goal I would have killed him the day Stanley brought him here.

He looked sick, very pale and greenish. I felt his temperature and he was burning up, something wasn't right.

"Stanley! Get here now." I shouted, moments later in trudged Stanley, shaking, clearly freezing cold. Upon the sight of Loki he shared a concerned glance with me.

"Keep dabbing his head. The bastards trying to kill himself rather than Thor this time around." Stanley rushed back into where the beds were and came back out with a small black case.

"Wait, is that bad?" I asked, guessing the answer.

"Yes. Really bad. If he kills himself in his dream he'll die in real life and might even take me with him." Stanley said worryingly

"Pull him out of it. What's three days? We'll take him now. You are not going to let him kill you too. I still need to help you find my mother and you promised you would reveal more about our pasts. I will not let Loki take that away from me. He will not be in control again!" I raised my voice. He hunted through his bag but had no luck in finding what he searched for.

"I thought I might have had an emergency shot of adrenaline. I was hoping to shock him away from his decision. Will you give me permission to enter his head and stop him?"

"You know I can't Stan. If he sees your face you'll be in danger, it's better if he thinks it's all me. Like our old plan, you hide in the other room and I do the interrogation."

"I can't allow you to let him wake up. We're not ready yet. We needed three more days to be fully equipped and prepare for anything he might through at us. It's like a computer download and I haven't extracted all the files yet."

"Then we have a dilemma. Neither of us will allow the other to do as they please." I paused, "Wait... can you send me in? That way you don't put yourself at danger and I can stop him."

"Thats a great ide—," Stanley went to say as we both realized something dire. Loki's heart had stopped beating.


	2. What Could Have Been

**Chapter One **

"No, that jerk is not going anywhere!" I shouted, grabbing his face in my hands and checking his eyes.

"What are you going to do?" Stanley checked his pulse, shaking his head. I turned to face him and he knew just what I was thinking.

"I'm going to jump start his heart." I declared.

We had not changed Loki from his clothes we kidnapped him in, merely removed a few pieces of his armour and sold them off for the water in this place to stay on. I had never restarted someone's heart, I never had the reason to! I never had the determination. We unstrapped Loki from the chair and removed his large floor length jacket and his once armour plated leather shirt. He was left with just a loose white shirt over the top. We strapped him back down and I placed my hand on his chest, over his heart. I had to stop thinking, stop worrying. All I had to do was make his heart beat over and over again until it picked up itself again. Each chamber had to work to move the blood again, to get his body to work. It was odd, almost like when I tried to manipulate computer systems. I had to tell it what to do, what I wanted; Only it was so much harder. In out in out and simultaneously force the blood to circulate his system. Then after a solid ten minutes it picked up, it started to beat on it's own. Only once or twice at first, but then slowly it was able to hold his own and I could hear his breath, small but there.

"He's back. I can hear his thoughts again! Watch out!" he warned as Loki sat up straight, tugging on his restraints, panting and angry. I pulled my hand from his chest and returned to my usual composure, blank and unforgiving. He coughed and stared up at me, slightly disoriented.

"And here I was thinking I was going to die!" he teased, "My surprise is was but a dream."

"A nightmare." I corrected him. He cringed as he sat back in the chair and realized that he was strapped down. His hair was in desperate need of a cut and made him look like some rock band fanatic, he needed a shave too. He worked a crick out of his neck and closed his eyes, ignoring his surroundings.

"You really wanted to die in there, didn't you." I asked, he snarled and didn't answer, "If you don't answer I'll just squeeze it out of you." I threatened. But still he refused to answer me.

_Make him answer all my questions._

"I'll ask that again, you really wanted to die in there, didn't you?"

"Yes!" he screamed, fighting back for control, another dirty stare was flung my way.

"So I was right. There is still some sympathy left for him. Do tell me, what was it like to have to watch it over and over again?" I paused, "Did it drive you insane? Welcome to my hell, because I can't get the image of my brother dead and bleeding in my arms, out of mine!" I shouted beside his ear.

"You must really hate me." he whispered in reply.

"Hate is such a simple word."

"If your looking for an apology you're not going to get one. I still did you a favour, you never would have been able to stand on your own when you were involved with that soldier. Or any of those pathetic, what did they call themselves?"

"The Avengers..." I scoffed, he was a fool.

"Ah, yes! _The Avengers_! It's nice to see you spread your wings. They kept you on a collar. But we both know what happens when people like us get restraints put on us. It's like waving a red flag in front of a bull, am I right?" he took on a sarcastic tone, he was trying to get under my skin. That was my job, "I must ask, who's your accomplice. As talented as you are, you're not _that_ talented to be able to pull off well the trapping of me inside my mind parlor trick."

"You underestimate me." I lied.

"I don't think I do. I can hear more than you and I breathing in this complex."

"Are you sure about that? I mean really? You wouldn't want to stress yourself after everything you've been through," I mocked him, changing the subject.

"You may have changed a lot, but one thing has stayed the same. You're a terrible liar." he said to me. I stood dead center in front of him and paced closer.

"You know, I don't like all your questioning." I kept my cool and neared him, almost face to face, I paused to study his rodent like little features. Neither of us said a word, but I could tell he was uncomfortable being this close to me. Having anyone so close. His eyes were so full of anger and I guessed mine were worse. His face was stern, almost like a viper waiting to attack. He was so calm at the same time, how could this be? If you ignored his venomous gaze he seemed always serene and content, but those eyes... something about them sent shivers down my spine.

"Loki Laufeyson. I'm going to unmake you and you'll finally wish that you never crossed me." I pulled away and with one of my super powered punches Loki was out like a light.

"You can come out now." I called to Stanley and in he walked.

"I'm not going to say a word." he simply said, walking past me.

"What? Don't you approve of my methods?"

"You know I don't. Why don't you just torture him, kill him and be done with it?"

"You know why Stanley... and you know I don't like it when you mock me about it. You may be able to get inside my head and know what I feel, but you will never understand it."

"Sorry," he turned to look at me and stopped in shock, "You're bleeding again." I put my hand to my nose and didn't feel anything, instead Stanley came over and wiped away a trail of blood from the corner of my eye. The sight of the blood seemed to make him irritated. I had been bleeding from my eye... that didn't sound good.

"You need to rest. Please. Your abilities are like a battery, when full charged they will do marvelous things... and when they loose their energy they die."

"Sure Mr. Sunshine!" I sighed tiredly but still full of sarcasm, "You should get some shut eye in too. Just make sure he doesn't want to escape, you know how to take care of that, don't you?"

"Yeah, I'll take up your offer. We both need some rest."

"I'm gonna move my bed out here so I can partially keep an eye on him." Stanley gave me a worried glare, "I'll be fine. He'll be fine. We'll all be fine. Stop worrying."

The sunlight crept in very brightly where I happened to lay, a crack in the (usually frosted glass) skylight saw to that. There were no birds where our abandoned warehouse was, just a pier a couple of miles away and derelict train tracks that occasionally carried freight trains along it.

"Sleeping on the job?" called Loki from across in his seat as I sat up in my flimsy bed. I tried to get my bearings and then stood up, chucked a blanket over me, brushing past him.

I made myself a coffee, a pretty pathetic coffee that was mostly water, but coffee none the less. I paced slowly enough to worry Loki. He couldn't move, though his head wasn't tied down he could twist and see me in the kitchen behind. Passing his side again I sat in the watching chair from last night and almost smiled at the lovely purple bruise forming under his right eye. He was eyeing my coffee off... I didn't like it when people stared at my food. Food... that was going to be an issue. When he was subdued in his dream state we just gave him some mushy crap and left him for the week, he slimmed down more than his usual physique but I couldn't care less. As long as he didn't die of starvation I was fine with it.

"You want some?" I asked, trying to put on as much honesty as I could muster up to him. As usual he turned his head away and ignored me. Loki in all honesty was a whinging baby, from where I was sitting, and his snobbiness would totally work to my advantage. I stood back up and held it out to him, just a bit further from his reach, just to tease.

"Can you not take a hint?" he snapped. No prisoner of mine was going to take that sassy attitude with me, I flicked my wrist and chucked the boiling hot coffee over him. I could hear it sizzle on his skin.

"Nope. Apparently not." I replied and happily walked off. He didn't scream, I was sure he must have faced much worse physical pain than spilt coffee, but he sure as hell winced. He had pink skin all on his face and he smelled terribly of sweat, dirt and coffee all combined in one.

"You know... I have to give you credit where it's due. You certainly, _somehow_, knew right about Thor." he said and stopped himself from saying more, almost as if he were afraid of admitting anything else. I blocked my ears and walked down the far end of the warehouse.

"You wanted the truth. That's why I'm here. I don't want to escape. I don't understand why, I just don't. You are the only person here to talk to. I'm not making an apol—,"

"Shut up!" I screamed to him, "This isn't the time to say sorry. You had your chance. Things could have worked out so differently if you had have had the patience or the intellect to wait for me, to let me join you."

"You think he could have lived otherwise?" Loki almost mocked, but underneath it there was something. An emotion that had never come from him, that had never dared leave his little head. _Sincerity_.

"I know he could have. He would be disappointed. But I'd rather disappoint everyone I knew than have to go through this. I have always been okay with being the bad guy, the screw up. I could have proudly hated him as a liar and a con-man. But instead you had to go and be, be... YOU!" I gestured to all of him in disgust, "He died because you had unresolved daddy issues. You thought you were doing me a favour! I thought I understood you, but why him? Really, honestly, Why? Do you even know what honesty is?"

"Yes." he answered.

"Yes what?" I shouted.

"Yes I know what honesty is." he slumped his head back.

"Do you even realize what you did?" I felt like a scolding parent.

"Let me out of the restraints and I'll tell you everything." he tried to bargain.

"Do you think I'm stupid? Fool me once, shame on me." I turned and picked up my leather jacket.

_I'm going for a walk._

Loki riled me so much. He knew just how to twist me and as much of a genius I liked to think myself I was far from it. Those shackles were the only thing separating the master from the slave. I was not going to take my chances with him. And he was such a whizz with words. While I had my own plans, he was plotting away, succeeding in angering me. Ugh, what was wrong with me? What was wrong with him? I was so sure when he was unconscious that I could handle his snarky remarks and even his insults, but theory and practice were always different concepts.

His words were so tempting and in some ways true. The first time we met he was silent and scheming. It appeared that he planned best when in silence. He enjoyed ridiculing and mocking people, especially myself. If I had half his wit I would have shut him up long ago but because I knew his teasing was derived from the truth it was so much hard to shake him.

The day I planned to swap teams, the day the hellicarrier nearly fell from the sky, was still so clear in my mind. Everything was, clear as mineral water, but that was beside the point. His mannerism, it was like he knew. He knew I would come, and if not me someone would have. The team was so broken at that point that it was almost an sixth sense, he sensed it and when I came a-calling he seized his opportunity. But before he stepped on that ship he was well prepared, he had sized everyone up and had everyone's back stories down pack. The thing was, I was exactly the same. Maybe not for the same reasons but I made sure I knew everything about everyone, only then it was so I could impress them; gain their respect.

It was my strong opinion that Loki wanted me to be the one that showed up. If I've said it once, I've said it a thousand times. Loki and I were practically the same side of a coin. He was intrigued, as was I, about our similarities. We had both been wronged by our fathers and lied to about our birth. What we really were, discarded freaks that got taken in in pity. We're not victims nor heroes. We're fighters that are determined to seek our vengeance and right the wrongs done to us as _we_ se fit, not by common laws. But more than that there was hatred. Hatred towards our brothers. He hated that we hated them because they were so perfect. They set standards, were looked up to by everyone and respected. We were the little ones, the ones that stood in the shadows and when we stepped out people tried to cast us down. But no matter how much we resented their 'greatness' they were our family and there was nothing we could do. No matter how much we wanted to hurt them we couldn't. It was seemingly right to save the other from their shortcomings.

It was much more painful again to know that he was the one that killed mine. There were thoughts and then there were actions. It was bad enough I wanted him dead but when it happened, when he literally died in my arms, the thought had suddenly felt so wrong.

I... I could have been friends with Loki. There I said it. We could have been good friends or allies at the least. But how can you be friends or even remotely tolerate the very person that murdered your own brother. Despite the fact that Phil had only been my half brother, I grew up knowing nothing else. It was a love hate relationship, but it was still affectionate.

_Loki and I could have been friends..._The thought was scary but sounded nice. It would have been nice as well. But I despised him now and I knew it wasn't about Phil on it's own. There were many things that made me ridicule him. His inability to shut up, his pompousness, his beady eyes, his... HIM! That was it, I needed to just clear my head, forget about him for a minute or so.

Weeds had grown over the train track and rubbish lined it. I scuffed my feet along it and tried to outrun my shadow which was impossible.

"Hey." I heard a cheeky voice say behind me. Stanley was catching up behind me.

"What about—?" I went to ask.

"He's out like a light. I sent him back into the dream state." I nodded in thanks, he knew what I meant.

"I'd ask what's on your mind but..." he said humorously, pausing when I didn't laugh, "You know I can help. If you want it to just go away, I can."

"Make what go away?" I asked inquisitively.

"I could make you forget. Forget that you ever knew Phil. You would never have to cry over him and—,"

"No. I would never want that. Despite all the bad that came from his death without it, without him, I would never have been able to become as strong as I am."

"I know what you thought about Loki. I know you're lonely. I mean as far as we go, were not exactly friends... using the term friends the way you do." I chuckled weakly, there was no point trying to argue with him, "We can make it mutual. He can forget that he ever did it in spite of you and you can forget that maybe Phil died like that. You could think that he just died in a freak snowboarding accident or something outlandishly weird but plausible in your mind." his offer was very tempting to say the least but I couldn't accept it. It was an easy way out and I wouldn't chicken out of my situation.

"But he did do it and he shouldn't just get a second chance. We all have to face up to our actions, pay for our mistakes. I've paid for mine and now it's his turn." we walked for a bit more and turned back, slower.

"I'm not one to judge but it seems that you're not all into the pain and torture you wanted to inflict on him a month ago. I won't read your mind, so what's up." he said with concern.

"I don't know."

"Yeah you do."

"Okay. I just can't escape the fact that he is me. In almost every way. Maybe the circumstances are different, but we've been through the same things. I know he knows it. And I didn't want to admit that before. I still have hatred there for him but it's like staring at myself. When I look at his eyes I just imagine what would have happened if the situation was reversed. Maybe he's right and I should take it as a blessing, maybe I should get on with things. Start a new life away from all this. Away from Loki, I mean I've already dropped off my old team."

"Something tells me that you couldn't do that even if you wanted to. But there's been something more I've been meaning to ask. I don't mean to pry, but I know I've never heard you mention his name ever since the funeral." I stopped in my place as a freight train sped by, making a heavy rattle and stared down at my feet. I knew who he was talking about, he knew it too. _Steve_.

"I don't want to talk about him. He's in the past."

"Don't give me that crap, Emily. I'm not stupid. You don't bring him up for a reason."

"Yeah, for a reason. Drop it."

"I thought that by making you sever your ties from the Avengers everything would be fine. I could help you and you'd help me. I could get to know you."

"You still haven't told me about how our past's are linked." I said changing the topic, noticing an oddity in his words.

"In time..."

"Why not now?"

"Because!"

"'Cause why? Because is not a proper answer." I remarked smartly.

"Emily!"

"What? You pestered me about things I didn't want to answer now I'm just returning the favour." we had reached the warehouse again.

"Just know that I'm here for you. I know I'm not a friend in your eyes but I hope you know I make great company." he began to walk around the corner.

"Stanley!" I called, he popped his head back around, "You're not my friend for a reason. You're like a brother. A stupid, idiot with bad timing, but a brother none the less... Thanks."

"You're welcome, more than you know." he smiled widely. I hadn't seen him smile like that ever before and it made me feel good that I was the cause of it.

* * *

Hey everyone. So just so you all know I will be changing a few of the ways I talk to you. The song suggestion is still in play but from now on if you post a review I'm going to respond to it. The fanfictioner andquitefrankly does this and I'm reading one of her stories (practically falling in love with it but thats besides the point). Please go read her story 'Do or Do Not, There is No Try' tell her I sent you! But just know that I want to get you all really involved. So far only sixteen of the hundred followers I had have joined onto this story which surprisingly actually makes me happy. I know that the peeps that have joined in the sequel are my real readers and it makes me incredibly happy to write for your small group.

**ConfusedSoIAm:** From reading now you can obviously tell that Loki didn't die, or at least not yet :) I'm pulling your leg. But unfortunately, despite how much I love the Coulson/Vision idea Phil Coulson is officially dead in my story. Which sucks because I love him but this sequel's about Emily learning to stand on her own two feet. And another downer, I might not be able to bring out chapters as fast as I want this time around because without the movie as a backbone it's harder to develop and awesome storyline that flows. I have charts and a basic outline of where it's going but I still need to make everything perfect, sue me! :)

**Arrows the Wolf:** I'm glad you like it! :3

**juliaAKAweirdo: **I'm really happy you liked it. It took so much out of me but I loved every minute of it.


	3. Haircuts

**Chapter Two**

The rest of the day I spent cross legged on the floor, in front of Loki. Thinking, pondering, but always avoiding the one person that Stanley dared to bring up. Thinking about him would screw up my meditating. It was calming sitting there. I didn't have to worry about Loki's snarky remarks but I could analyse him.

"You didn't put him back in the 'Thor dying a million different ways' loop, did you?" I asked worryingly.

"Yeah, I wasn't aware you wanted anything else."

"I changed my mind. Do you think... maybe... you could just put him back on Asgard or something and..." I trailed off.

"And send him swimming?" Stanley finished me off, a puzzled look on his face.

"It's not really torture, but well he does smell and it least in some way he could have a wash." I rambled on, it was true, Loki needed a shower.

"Take him outside, wash him down. At least it'll put your mind and my nose to rest!"

So I did. I moved his limbs with my mind and made him wash himself, only I had to see what I was doing for my abilities to work. I had some dignity to let him wash in his under garments and then decided I didn't like his hair. When he instigated the battle in New York his hair was far too long for my liking _then_. Now it was ten times worse! His hair had grown quite quickly in a month and reached just under his shoulders. I was not a fan. It was my job to give him a haircut. Sneaking back down to the abandoned hairdressing salon I stole a couple of left over scissors and made my way back to the swimming Loki. He was strapped down in his chair again so leant his head back and began to cut. I wasn't a professional, in fact far from it, but I had a clue and with my 'genius' it couldn't be too hard right? Wrong. I just kept cutting and it look like a hack job. I tried to get it back to his normal length but one side would always be longer than other so I tried to even them up and end up the same as before. It was fun, incredible fun. I hoped this was considered torture. If he loved his hair as much as his brother, his reaction would be priceless. In the end I cut it short and it didn't look half bad then. Still long enough to run fingers through generously, but short enough that he didn't look like an escapee from a parallel world where rock is jesus. And that terrible beard was gone. Maybe he was my prisoner but he still had to look half decent.

"Nice hack job." Stanley noted getting a glass of water.

"It's not that bad. Is it?"

"For a non-professional, it's alright." he inspected, "You know you should try and practice a few of your abilities. The whole point of coming with me was to learn these things and you barely do anything."

"I wouldn't say nothing! I've made sure that Stark's tech can't locate us. I occasionally I lift a few things when I'm lazy. Oh yeah... you might have forgotten... I brought a dead person back to life." I said quite sharply.

"You're absolutely out of shape."

"I look fine from over here." I quipped back.

"Really... You used to work out all the time or even at minimum go for a jog. I don't see you brushing up your hand to hand combat skills or even attempting to regain some of the abilities you had when you were younger. Now, you've lost your fight. You've lost your thirst for revenge and I don't know what to make of you." he stopped me, "What happens if Loki somehow escaped, or if S.H.I.E.L.D found you weren't dead. You'd be barely capable of handling yourself.

"What's your point?"

"Let's train. Here and now. Hit me, no powers allowed." he circled around me. He was like an annoying fly in my ear. _Hit me. Hit me!_ I waited for the right moment and swung at him when he was behind me, he caught my fist with ease and twisted my arm behind me, pressing it onto my back.

"What did I say?" he mocked me.

"Every heard of playing dead!" I laughed and dropped to the ground, throwing him over the top of me and flipping on top of his stomach. I caught his throat with my hand and began to press. He was much stronger than me and ripped it away and threw me backwards. Again we circled. I bounced in place anticipating his next move. He was not an attacker, more a defender. I was the predator waiting to pounce. I sent out a high kick and it was brushed away with one quick slicing movement. I spun and followed it by an elbow that hit Stan in the face. He caught me in his arms like a teddy bear. He locked them in an X and I was done. I couldn't escape.

"Alright, alright... You win." I said as he let me go.

"You're messy and your moves are random. You need to be calculated and precise. Once you're good enough maybe I'll teach you how to incorporate your abilities into your fighting."

"Tomorrow. I just want to be left to my thoughts today." I shot him down. I was clearly embarrassed. I sat back down in front of Loki and closed my eyes.

"I'm going to go get some food. We're running low." Stanley informed me, I'll be back soon.

"I'll be here, meditating." I replied opening one eye to watch him leave.

Once Stanley was gone and I could no longer hear his footsteps outside I felt more relaxed. Loki's breathing was slow and soft, it was steady too. It was then that I suddenly had a flashback.

It was years ago. I must have been fifteen or so, Phil was thirty one; He was sixteen years older then me. I had career day at school and I remembered Dad was away on 'business' and Mum was off at the local pokies. Phil had just come home from a long assignment, at the time I thought he had just been on an overseas partnership deal, and after a lot of pestering he finally decided to come with me. Just before we went inside the school he stopped me and pulled me aside.

"I don't think they have anything that you'd be really interested in." he told me honestly, "Dad doesn't want you in on this but we're special us Coulsons. We're fighters. Ever thought about law enforcement?"

I meagerly shot him down and after a few hours of meaningless wandering I left the place sure that there was no job in the world meant for me.

That night we got a phone call. That night I learnt that my father died. Mum still wasn't home, Phil answered the call and almost dropped it within seconds of raising to his ear. I packed my bags and got ready to leave that night. Phil was going back overseas and Mum was never home. I didn't see reason to stick around anymore. I got about two suburbs away, broke into a corner store and got caught by the police. I would have been taken to juvie but Phil bailed me out. That same night he told me about what he really did and offered me a chance to be with him, to always be close and taken care of. I guess the rest of the story was history.

"Tears of joy?" said a snide voice that knocked me out of my dream. Immediately I fell to the ground, unaware that I had been floating off the ground. As well as my subconscious flying I had been crying too. Loki was out of his 'slumber' and looked perkier than usual. I wiped them away and stood up to face him.

"As a matter of fact. Yes. I was imagining your death." I lied.

"Doubt it. If you wanted me dead I would already be gone." spot on he was. Most of the time there was no point arguing with him.

"I took the liberty of giving you a hair cut." I smiled playfully, "It's not perfect but it'll do. You don't suit cave man."

"No. That was always Thor's strong suit." he added matter of factly. That got a chuckly out of me.

"Why do you despise him so much? I mean I'm not one to talk, but he seems so, so..."

"Placid? Innocent? Shame, you have fallen victim to his _charm_." he scoffed, rolling his eyes at the end.

"Are you jealous?" I poked.

"Jealous, of him? No! He's a stupid neanderthal that clomps around the place with that pathetic hammer of his. Anyone in their right mind would know not to be jealous of that." he quickly cleared up.

"I know, just checking..." I smiled knowingly, "You're just jealous of what he has. That he's the loved one and that you're the runt." he went to respond but I shut his mouth tightly.

"It must hurt so much. I mean I was adopted and all but at least I was loved, well a better definition of love than you." I released his mouth.

"You seem to be deluded into thinking that it benefited you. I can only imagine how torn you must be, between your humanity and your inner demon. You still have attachments, it makes you have regret, guilt, pain."

"And you're so different?"

"Let me finish. I don't claim to be so, _inhuman_, just claim to know a fair bit about human nature. Would you like me to continue?"

"Thrill me."

"In my past I've come to meet a few people like you. But you're the best fun by far. You see, I must admit to the similarities we share. They are undeniable. That's why it's so interesting to study you, it's like learning from mistake's I haven't made yet. At the same time I feel it's my duty to show you the right way, which you've taken off to splendidly."

"Don't take credit for all of it."

"Never!" he laughed ever so softly, "It is a nicer way to go about the day than what I would have endured back on Asgard. You tend to talk quite a bit when you sleep, it has provided me with some much needed details, the '_411'_. The most interesting thing you've spoken to date was a heart-touching scene involving Captain Rogers."

"I've heard enough!" I shook my head I went to shut him up again.

"Fine! I'll drop the sleep talking... But there's more than just you're school girl crush that's interesting. I think for the first time in my life, I could actually considered you as an equal adversary. You're deception at pulling my kidnapping off and keeping me here for so long is commendable."

"Whatever." I turned away from him. He was just being a prick again, up to his usual plotting.

"—And you, most of the time, see right through my façade. Though you still haven't worked out one thing." his words stopped me in my spot.

"I'm listening."

"I don't mean to confuse you but, I was never the one that wanted your brother dead."

"Oh no, your scepter just slipped right though his middle!"

"The reason I knew we weren't alone the other night was very simple. You didn't jump me from behind and inject me with anything the say of the invasion, someone else did. Someone else that wanted to also get you away from 'The Avengers'. Someone that saw you potential. The same someone, who is the telepath."

"How long have you known?"

"I figured it out the day you woke me up. It didn't take long to put the pieces together. Trust me, it was a thought. I did think about killing him but I had sworn to you. Despite what you think, my promises are my oath."

"Enough. I don't want to hear you blame someone else for you actions. You killed him end of story." I stopped him.

"Telepath's, from what I've heard, are able to push thoughts. If your friend can trap me in an almost endless cycle inside my head I'm sure a little thought pushing to, I don't know, break a promise isn't too far a stretch." he sat smugly back in his chair, finished with his little speech. The clock work had begun to turn on the inside of my head. Maybe he was just trying to play me, but it wasn't worth a thought. Logically, why did I ever accept Stanley's proposal so quickly. Why did I trust him? I had barely known him and I faked my own death to galavant around with a stranger that possibly lied to me about his reasons for wanting me. He still hadn't explained any reasons how we were connected and why I was the only one that could help him find my mother. My mother... what did he want with my mother?

When I heard footsteps off in the distance, coming towards the warehouse, I decided it was high time that Stan and I had a little heart to heart.

* * *

Hey everyone! So now we get to question Stan's motives tehe! I love to hear all of your feedback, ask me questions, share your ideas and I'll respond below. Also... just to clear things up whenever you see long sentences in italics that would be Emily thinking. I decided that writing for example:

"Oh Stanley, you do smell like petals today" I thought to him.

Was annoying, plus I have a small hate for writing I said, he said, etc etc. So onto the reviews!

**Arrows the Wolf:** Yes! You will see the Avengers in this story! You couldn't possibly think that I'd leave the Emily/Steve thing at that! Look forward to a more important role from Mr. TONY STARK too :)

**ConfusedAmI: **I was considering bringing him back but it would sort of destroy everything. The whole reason he died was to bring the Avengers together and to push Emily already further away. If I brought him back it would defeat his purpose. Though... that said I am still a massive Clark Gregg fan and I want him to return as Coulson in the later Avengers Phase 2 movies... OH DEAR GOD LET IT HAPPEN!

**Anime-GuardianAngel: **I would really love to hear some of your theories! I can't tell you if they're right or wrong of course but I'm interested to hear what concoctions you have come up with!

**juliaAKAweirdo:** Thank you, more chapters to come ;)


	4. Heart to Heart

**Chapter Three**

I stormed outside, to see him carrying two shopping bags. It was dark but I knew it was him.

"We need to talk." I snatched the bags from his hand and chucked them on the ground angrily.

"What the hell?" he yelled back at me, going to retrieve them. I pushed him back by his shoulder and he stared at me confused.

"Alright, one you said you could handle Loki. As soon as you left he woke up and started talking. But that's not what I'm mad about."

"Oh crap." he appeared jittery, peering over my shoulder, checking through the open door on Loki.

"Stay out of my head. I don't feel comfortable with you reading my mind and what not. Just learn some boundaries."

"What are you angry at?"

"I've had some time to question your motives."

"I made it very clear Emily that I would tell you everything when the time was right." he interrupted.

"Look. It's been little over a month and you haven't told me anything. I'm angry at the fact that you haven't told me why you need me or why you even want to help. Loki brought up some interesting points. You're a telepath so how do I know that you're not manipulating me. How do I know—," I stopped to take a breath. Stan turned and ran his fingers through his hair stressfully. He turned back and grabbed me by the shoulders tightly. He read my mind before the words came out.

"Emily. I didn't force Loki to kill Phil." he said bluntly, "I didn't... push any thoughts about killing him into his head." his eyes were unwavering and I could tell he wasn't lying, but there was something more he wanted to say.

"But..." I urged him. He let go and began to pace anxiously. He wouldn't face me.

"He wasn't wrong." he said ambiguously.

"What do you mean?" I stepped closer.

"I can't tell you. It's unfair, it'll—,"

"Stanley. Spit it out. This concerns my brothers death. If I'm seeking the wrong person for revenge I wanna change my path quickly."

"You can't find them. You can't go searching for them. You can't run away from them either."

"Try me. You'd be surprised how far I'd go to find the real culprit."

"No, no, no. I can't tell you."

"Why not? Don't I have the right to know?" I shouted at him angrily. He turned back to me, his nostrils flaring, his heart rate elevated, his temperature rising.

"It was you!" he screamed back. The moment he said it my chest constricted and I was confused.

"What?"

"It was you." his voice lowered and he stepped away, slumping on the outside of the warehouse, "If I hadn't... he could have... but I did..." he muttered so silently under his breath. I walked ever so slowly towards him, and got onto level with him.

"Stan. What did you do?" I softly placed my hands over his.

"I was trying to contact you, I was trying to warn you not to do it. Not to make the deal with him. Something went wrong. There was something on the ship that threw my signal off. I don't completely understand it but you somehow linked onto my powers. What you were thinking at the time—," he stopped and dipped his head under again.

"Stanley, tell me."

"You were making the deal with him but you were thinking about what would happen if Loki killed him, killed Phil... You thought pushed Loki. The moment you told him not to lay a finger on him you made him want to do otherwise." he put his head up slowly and linked eyes, "Emily. I told you not to blame yourself but everything... everything is your fault."

I stumbled backwards away from him, my heart was pounding in my chest. I stared from Stanley to Loki and tried to make sense of everything.

"You're lying." I stuttered. Stanley shook his head, "LIAR!" I screamed.

"I'm not lying Emily. You wanted to know why I wanted to help you. This is why! I couldn't let you ever work out that it was your fault. I wanted to help right the wrongs. I thought that by helping you get your revenge that I could do that. But I was mistaken. Loki might be guilty of other things but punishing him for a crime he had no say in, that he was literally forced to do, is unlawful." I stood there mindlessly shaking my head, refusing to believe him. He stood back up and walked closer, "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." he reached around me and hugged me.

I had so many things running through my head. Disbelief being the front runner but followed by a million other emotions I could never feel at once. Anger, at Stanley for not telling me the truth earlier. Hatred, I hated Phil for making me ever want to think anything like that. Remorse, I suddenly felt a hundred times worse for putting my team through everything I had. Grief-stricken, I had the image of Phil dying in my arms again. But the worst feeling I felt was heartache, I spent so long trying to convince myself that Steve could never love me (that no-one could) and it was true now. I was the monster, I was the beast. No one could ever love something as hideous as me.

"Yes they could." whispered Stanley in my ear knowingly, "I know quite a few people who will always love you the way you are. Regardless of everything you've done."

"They're insane." I laughed slightly.

"I'll let you in on a secret. All the best people are." he comforted. I didn't move as Stanley let me go.

"I think you need to be alone tonight." he offered gesturing up at the night sky. It was blanketed in stars, I had never noticed them before. I had this weird knot in my stomach. This situation felt so familiar; The night Phil died and Steve comforted me. I had never seen Stanley in this way before. He was always the silent lurking type. There was a second as he lifted the groceries and made his way back inside that I almost stopped him.

_I don't want to be alone tonight._

He must have heard, he didn't acknowledge it though. I didn't feel rejected, in fact I didn't know what I felt! There was something there, something between us. Some sort of bond and I just couldn't make sense of it. It was sticky and hard to put your tongue on, it wasn't something you could physically touch or see. Though we both felt it, he must have! The only difference was he knew exactly what the bond was and he wasn't willing to let me in on it. Stanley Witmore was a mystery, that I knew. There was still more to the story, I had only just scrapped the surface of how we were connected.

I brought out a blanket from my bed and Stan put Loki back under, I didn't know where he sent him this time and I didn't care. I mustered enough composure to fly a short distance to the roof; I could only fly about ten meters and hover for a second before I came crashing down. I sat up there, slightly cold, peering into the stars. The broken skylight was to my right and I could see Loki through it.

What was I going to do with him? I had no reason to keep him around. But he had said it himself that he preferred here than to going back and facing the punishment on Asgard. I suppose I owed him a favour. But I wasn't going to let him in on anything that happened tonight, and as usual whenever Stanley was around we both just happened to 'disappear'. I wanted to get to know him better and maybe if he behaved nicely he could meet Stanley. Besides I still felt the duty to protect the nine realms from him.

For the first time since I we got here I thought about the person that was supposedly unspeakable. He who must not be named, if you ignore my pun. Steve.

I ached to speak to him. I had a lot of images running around in my head. Of the first time we met and my 'almost crashing our plane' introduction. Jees, I had changed so much. When Tony read that speech that Steve had written things really hit home. Those words had stayed with me. When Steve and I were together most of our feelings went unsaid. Honestly it was quite a silly romance. We had known each other for about two weeks. _Two weeks._ How did things ever escalate like that? Some might say true love, I'd like to think so. I wondered how he faired, how they all did. I suppose before Thor came back they just went on with things. I heard Tony was rebuilding his tower with Pepper Potts. Where Tony was Bruce wasn't far behind. Clint and Natasha probably resumed work with S.H.I.E.L.D or maybe they took a vacation, God knows they needed one. And Steve, he had to try and adjust to modern day living. _Trying to get through the days without his tour guide_. He shook my head and scoffed. Maybe he went looking for Peggy Carter, Phil always rambled how he heard from this one website that heard from a retired army general that was friends with Steve 'back in the day' that the two were an item. If she was still alive, she'd be well into her nineties; it would be a nice sentiment.

But what if she had passed away? That would be too painful. On second thought I hoped he didn't go looking for her. Not in a jealous ex-girlfriend sort of way, just a protective figure.

Then I had another thought, that I knew could never happen but would be nice if it came true. What if I just waltzed back on through S.H.I.E.L.D headquarters and confessed everything and even better if they all were okay with it and forgave me for my mistakes. Or if Stanley convinced everyone I was on a secret mission and had to fake my own death... or... wouldn't that be nice if it was Phil was the one on the secret mission and we both apologized for pretending to die and everything could go back to normal.

None of that could ever happen. But thinking about it brought a smiled to my face.

I tried to clear my mind and just go back to my star gazing but my ears kept picking up Loki's breathing. For a little bit I could ignore it but every now and again his sleeping down below would catch my eye and I'd find myself gazing at him intriguingly. Then I'd shake myself out of it and try to talk sense into myself. I needed to stop focusing on such stupid things.

Tomorrow I had a plan. Stanley and I would practice. I need to get back up to scratch with my teaching and maybe wriggle a few things out of him. There was something about what he said, that something interfered with him when he tried to contact me, that was bothering. Either way, he couldn't hold onto his secrets for too long.

**OoOoOoOoOoOoOoO**

I'd slept on the roof, it was a wonder I hadn't fallen off last night. I had a crick in my neck that was going to be hard to shake and I was lightly covered in some morning dew. I carefully made my way back down to ground level and walked inside feeling a lot better than I had last night. The stars were definitely an excellent tool for stress relief.

"I didn't want to disturb you last night, but maybe you should stay out there every night." Stanley appeared out of nowhere, "Maybe not on the roof, but stargazing. You seem happier today. Refreshed."

"Thanks. I am, after every crazy disaster I've been through it's nice to take a second to just sit back and take it in, to try and figure out where to go from here."

"I was thinking too... I'll promise to stay out of your head if you let me train you."

"Train me?" I questioned him, intrigued by his proposition.

"Rebuild your fighting skills. You have unlimited potential and it would a tremendous shame to let it go to waste. We already have a punching bag for you." he joked.

"The bargain seems so one sided. What are you going to get out of it?"

"Pride. Entertainment—," he started to laugh.

"Seriously."

"I'm worried about you. You're powers won't always be able to help you and you need to learn how to fight without them. I saw your eye bleeding before and it's not the only time something like that has happen has it?" I nodded, "I don't know what it is, but it can't be a good sign. While it's still important to train your powers as well, I don't want you to be completely reliant on them if anything should go wrong."

"Go wrong?"

"I don't know. You never know! It's better to be safe than sorry."

"Alright then..." I agreed skeptically, "But how will I know that you're not in my head?"

"You'll just have to trust my word."

"Can you go in and out as you please?"

"If I wanted too." he answered.

"Can you not specifically listen in, but still be aware of my if I call for you?"

"Never tried it before, but I don't see why not."

"Well then you can try that. I don't want to completely shut you out and then we can't call for each other if we're in trouble."

"What trouble?"

"I don't know!" I impersonated him, "It's better to be safe than sorry."

Despite my best wishes, Loki pieced together bits and pieces of the situation that occurred last night, though he kept his mocking to a minimum. I sat in front of him as routine, eating a mandarine and flicking the peelings at his head.

"You know, you really should treat me with more respect. I am a God." he said after I spat a seed in his eye.

"Uh-uh-uh!" I shut him up, "Remember the last time you had a B-F?"

"What in the world is a B-F? A boyfriend?"

"No you idiot." he looked genuinely annoyed, "Sorry, sometimes I forget that you're an alien immortal and you've never seen white chicks before. A B-F is a bitch fit."

"I feel flattered." he rolled his eyes.

"Have you ever watched a movie?" I prodded him, spitting another seed.

"No, I have not. I have far better things to do with my time than sit around and watch your people's pathetic attempt at entertainment."

"Okay, humor me. What is _real_ entertainment."

"Asgard has far better understanding of the word sport. The sports that are played on my home planet are far beyond the capabilities of an mere mortals."

"So in other words. Thor is better at sports than you." I mocked him and went to get an apple.

"I never said that!" he whinged, "And I could beat Thor any day at Asgardian Football thank you very much!"

"Sure..." I rolled my eyes and bit teasingly into the apple as Loki's stomach rumbled.

"You wouldn't think it at first. Thor's a meathead, that I won't deny, but I'm a strategist. While he lumbers around mowing people down, I carefully sneak past the best of players and are victorious in my own way."

"But I doubt you really care about sport!" I told him, he shrugged in response, "Tell me, what is really the type of entertainment you prefer." he stopped in thought.

"I suppose the banquets are fantastic, but most of the time Thor's friend Volstagg steals the food from underneath me. The best entertainment...hmmm..." he paused again, "The best way to entertain oneself is with literature. That is one good thing about you humans, some of your literary works are very deserving of the title 'masterpiece'. Asgard is not big on literature."

"You mean you don't have books?!" I interjected.

"Oh! We do, but they are mostly historical or filled with famous war strategies. Though sometimes a good read is fictional and not all based on war."

"Loki Laufeyson. I did not take you for a bookworm!" I laughed.

"Nor I you." he responded.

"Oh, I'm not a big reader—,"

"With a brain capacity like yours, I assumed you would have read half your world's library by now."

"I've had...other things... on my mind."

"And we're back to the revenge again." he said overly sarcastic. I took the last bite of my apple and chucked the core at his head. He grunted in disapproval.

"Actually—," I picked up my rubbish and hovered it into the bin, "You've been acquitted of all charges, regarding my brother that is." he sat up in his chair and his wide green eyes stared me down.

"Pardon?"

"You heard me. You were right. You weren't responsible for killing him." he slumped back in his chair looking genuinely surprised. A lot of his emotions appeared genuine lately.

"So your buddy confessed?" he asked knowingly.

"How do you—," I forgot that he could see through my lies like glass, "Ah, yeah."

"You don't seem to mad about it? Have you been body snatched? I recall that every time you have a sneaking suspicion in someone you go full blown axe wielding murderer on them."

"It's not a blame game this time 'round." I explained and paused.

_Stan, I think it's alright for you to come out. He's not going to do anything._

"Would you like to meet him?"

"It's a him. I always took you for a feminist. Girl power and all that." he flexed in his chair.

"No, that's Romanoff."

"Simple confusion, the red hair and all."

"Shut it." I told him as Stanley walked around the corner. He stood in Loki's blind spot though.

"So you're the one that's been tampering in my mind. You came up with so many... creative ways to kill my brother." Loki tried to turn his head to catch a glimpse of Stan, "Why don't you come out of the shadows? I'd love to tell Miss Coulson about the little dream you gave me last night. About how you—," Stan jumped up form behind him and covered his mouth. I gave him a funny look... what did he do. Suddenly Loki bit his hand sending Stanley backwards with a painful yelp.

"That's for last night." Loki wrestled at his restraints again.

"Stan, I think you should go. For now." I urged him, he agreed shaking his hand and going to wash it, mumbling under his breath.

"That wasn't very nice."

"I'm not very nice." he seemed pleased at himself. I was still curious about what Stanley put him through last night.

"What exactly did he do to you? You called it a dream, not a nightmare."

"In some respects it was, in others it was a nightmare." he said ambiguously. Stanley was still tampering with him because Loki wouldn't make eye contact which he always did when he began to tell a story.

"Stanley get out of his head right now! If you were making him think things he shouldn't have last night it's your problem." I shouted out into the other room. There was silence for a second and then a small crash.

"Fine." Stanley shouted back reluctantly.

"It was a bit of both," Loki continued, "He basically reversed my entire life."

"What do you mean? He made you a woman, because if that's it I don't even wanna—,"

"I meant to say that he reverse Thor and my own lives. The circumstances in which I came to be adopted. I doubt that Thor or even S.H.I.E.L.D told you the full story. There was a war, between the Frost Giants of Jotunheim and the Asgardians. The Frost Giants wanted to conquer the nine realms starting with your Midgard. The source of their power was the Casket of Ancient Winters and it is responsible for what your scientists called the 'Ice Age'. Odin, the Allfather, found me in a collapsed temple of the Jotun's and took me. I was the son of the enemy, I was their leaders unwanted child."

"Laufey's son." I whispered. He nodded, "Did Stanley make you relive that?"

"No, no, no. Far from that! Instead of Odin winning the great war, Laufey did. Instead Thor was the adopted one, not I. Things were very different indeed. It wasn't 100% in reverse though. Your friend has a good judge of character, Laufey did not care about us and there was no surprise in that. We were each others only friend..." he trailed off in thought.

"It sounds beautiful." I whispered back at him. His head shot up in confusion, "Well obviously not the whole enslaved nine realms and invisible father thing. But the fact that you wouldn't have to fight with him. That you were equals."

"We will never be equals!" he cut me off sharply.

"You have some serious issues." I snipped back at him, slightly offended.

"You know what?" a switch had been flicked in his head, "Why are you still keeping me here? You said I've been cleared of all charges. Why don't you just let me go to rot somewhere or let the Avengers find me? Anything than being tied to a chair all day and get forced to talk about feelings and emotions and regrets."

"You're not completely innocent!" I shouted back at him, "You still started an alien war with no help on my part there!"

"Then let the—," he paused and looked up in realization, "What did you say?"

"Nothing. Just forget it!" I tried to cover up.

"It_ was_ you." he said. My throat was dry and I didn't know what to say, "I thought that... You can't...How...? Why?"

"It was a mistake."

"You've done all this to me, messed everything up, but it's all your fault?!" the shouting resumed.

"IT WAS A MISTAKE!"

"Do you know what it was like? Do you know what it was like to watch him, over and over again? To die and not be able to do anything about it. To know the only way to escape it is to kill yourself. To feel so tortured and not be able to do anything!" his voice cracked.

"So you do care?" I said softly not wanting to push him further.

"You're right! You've always been right. No matter how much you want to hate them you can't. Because they're perfect. They're amazing and they're just loved by everyone. I'm jealous and I'm full of hate. I hate him! I hate Odin! I hate you!" he caught his breath. Somehow when he said he hated me it hurt the most, "I laughed it off, I lied and pretended that it didn't bother me. That's how I deal with things. That's how I carry on. What gives you the right? To invade that and to force me to tell you this."

"I'm not forcing you to tell me anything." I retorted.

"You are. Every time you walk in here you come begging for a conversation. You want someone to talk to that understands you." he mimicked me cruelly, "You want someone who is as mad at the world as you are. You want someone to blame and someone to pretend cares about you. You want to now why, Miss Coulson? Because you're a monster and your trying to find someone who'll accept that who won't judge you. I've got a tip for you that'll save you a lot of time, stop looking. Stop trying to find someone to love you, because no one will. No one could ever love monsters like us."

I stood there silently and hung my head to the ground. I wanted to say something back, I wanted to yell at him, hurt him again but nothing would come out.

I felt my feet move from under me. Step by step I neared the enemy, I neared Loki. I put my head back up and looked at him. He was right. This needed to stop, this insanity. I clasped my hands around his restraints and undid the buckles. First from around his ankles, then from his middle and finally his hands. Despite everything, his hands were incredibly soft. I stepped back and he didn't move. He had an emotion on his face, one he had never expressed; Gratitude.

Slowly he stood from his chair and regained his balance. He stood there, so frail and yet so strong at the same time. Everything I had put him through, really was torture and you could see how much it stressed him. We stood there silently, sizing each other up. I had no idea what was running through his mind and that scared me.

All of a sudden he leapt at me, grabbing my neck and slamming me hard into the ground. Stanley came running around the corner and Loki replicated himself and knocked Stan out cold.

"Why did you let me go?" Loki yelled in my face, still holding a firm grip around my neck. I couldn't respond, I didn't know why. I was shaking.

"Why did you do it all?" he changed his tactic.

"I don't know!"

"Yes you do. Was it completely about revenge or was there something more."

"I... I had to prove myself. I was never really angry at you. I was angry at myself for not being able to save him and for giving you a reason to hurt him. But more than that I'm angry at him. I'm confused and deluded. I think one second that I'm over it and the next I know I'm not. I think I want you dead and then there's moments like now..." I fumbled, as his grip loosened, listening deeply, "... Moments like now where I look at you and know that if I hurt you I just hurt myself. I'll regret letting you free, but I need to move on. We both do."

Then, perhaps more unexpected than his attack, he collapsed on me and started to break down. The man with the steel heart began to cry on me. On my neck he wet my shirt with his tears and I had nothing to do but lay there silently, unmoving. I didn't think he could cry, but when I thought about it, it was actually more normal than what I originally assumed. I could relate, it was a façade. It was a mask to hide the real insecurities we had. It was easier to pretend to be strong and cry when no one was around. But showing people meant something. Showing others that we could cry in front of them didn't make us weak, in fact it suggested something more. Something deeper. As I cried for Steve, Loki cried for me.

I knew what to do and slowly I raised my arms around him and tightened to form a hug. Something to make things easier; an action that spoke larger than words. An action that said, "I'm sorry. Sincerely and honestly sorry, and I hope you can forgive me."

* * *

**Authors Note:**

So whether you picked up on it or not, I love to explore characters humanity. It's the most fun of writing. So we might have a possible love square on our hands here... you never know what I'll do. I had a plan on how this was going to go, but the story's taken on a life of it's own, I don't really control it. Also some really COOL news! I'm teaming up with my fellow writer The Shy Newbi and we are reworking her story "The Unknown Avenger"! It's going to be absolutely tonnes of fun to collaborate on a story because I never have before and I'm nervous. But check that out.

Ah one more quick note, if you guys check my bio every week I change the status' of my stories. So if you're wondering how long until the next chapter or why I haven't posted for long you'll find it on there as well as some new stories that are coming soon. NOW ONTO THE REVIEWS!

_Anime Guardian Angel: _Thats a cool theory. Maybe it's wrong, maybe it's right. I can't say but it's definitely interesting. Obviously now you know that Loki wasn't lying and it's just a matter of time before more secrets start to unfold!

_Arrows the Wolf: _Really? You hate him? Understandable actually. Stan is a bit of a control freak and I know you hate him for everything he made Emily do, but his purpose is more glorious than you might think.

_ConfusedSoIAm: You know what, he should totally just pop up outta nowhere and be like, "Hey everyone. I was holidaying in Hawaii and I'm really sorry about the whole 'I'm dead' thing but it was funny. Right? Right...?" Actually... seriously considering this now...with a fake tan and everything!_

_juliaAKAweirdo: _The avengers are alright, you'd be surprised what Tony is up to though! Steve's still making out with his pillow at night while crying... poor stevie :'(


	5. Not Interested

**Chapter Four**

Stanley was alright, minus the golf ball sized bruise on his forehead. Loki had fled, I didn't think he had gone far because I could still his breathing in the not so distant distance. I guessed he had stopped down near the pier and was washing his face in the water. I wasn't going to go after him, he was on his own now.

"What were you thinking?" Stanley scolded, rubbing his bruise.

"It's hard to explain. I just looked at him. I saw how broken he was and I couldn't leave him there. It felt wrong."

"You fell for him." Stanley said ever so quietly. I shook my head as my eyes wandered to the direction Loki had left in.

"I don't know what I feel. I don't think that I...," I paused, it sounded so forced, "That I fell for him."

"No. He fell for you," I flicked my head back and had to stop for a second, "I promised I wouldn't get inside your head, not his."

"Why? Why would he fall for me, after everything I did. It's insane."

"His head is a messed up place, I'll give him that, but it wasn't insanity that drove him near you. You don't see it, but everything about you screamed at him. It screams to everyone. Because everyone loves a fallen hero. They want to fix them and heal them. But the hero never wants to be healed."

"— And when I was the only one that stopped and didn't try to fix him, just forced him to deal with things... he respected that?" I queried.

"He's changed. But I don't know in what ways. He is much stronger when he's awake and it's harder to lock into him."

Stanley slumped onto the ground and iced his head while concentrating.

"Do you think I need to be fixed?" I sat beside him, he dropped his ice pack and inspected me.

"Do you want the truth?"

"Not really." I shrugged.

"Well, I'll give it to you anyway. Yes, you do need help. But I'm not the one that needs to help fix you. It's not Loki either. You know exactly who could fix things and make you feel better, you're just afraid that if you reach out for him he'll reject you."

"You promised to stay out of my head." I frown at him.

"I'm not in there. I can just read you well." he reassured me, "But we both know that that'll never happen. It sucks but everything about the Avengers and S.H.I.E.L.D is behind you. It's me and you and that's all that matters." he said softly. I could feel my heart race again, he was saying all the right things. I took his icepack from his hands and began to dab his forehead lightly.

"I can do th—," he tried to stop me.

"Ssssh." I hushed him. I got closer to him and checked his temperature by placing my palm on his head. His eyes flicked from me and then around the room.

"Emily..." I ran my hand around his cheek, "Oh look at the time!" he stood up nervously. He hurriedly rushed off, leaving me on the ground confused. I could have sworn he was saying all those things to make me... well you know. But then he just jumped up and ran away. Maybe he was shy?

"Stanley!" I called after him. He avoided my eyes again and pretended he was looking for something.

"I'm sorry if I made you uncomfortable." I apologized.

"Huh?"

"If you're afraid of commitment or—,"

"I'm going to stop you right there and tell you straight up. There will never be anything between us." at least he wasn't lying about telling it to me straight, "I'm just not interested."

"Pardon?"

"Can you just stop with the... flirting." he shuddered as he spoke.

"Is there someone else?" I grilled him, breaking his personal space barrier again.

"Um... nope. Not that I'm aware of."

"Another mind reader that makes you forget then?"

"No Emily!" he squirmed away and went to the kitchen.

"How would you know?"

"What the hell Emily? Stop it."

"Is that who you sneak off to see?"

"What?"

"When you get the 'groceries'?"

"No!"

"Stanley?"

"EMILY!" he shouted, utterly freak out.

"Aren't I interesting enough?" I said dumbly.

"Urgh... I just can't go there with you." he groan as I cornered him again.

"Are you gay?" I said after a second of silence. He stopped and his next sentence was halted, "Oh my God! You totally are! That's what I could feel between us, why you didn't turn around last night."

"I am your friend and that's all I'll ever be. Not your boyfriend or anything else..."

"Anything else?" my brows furrowed for a second, "Ohhhhhh! Or your... 'no strings attached' buddy."

"Yeah."

"Well this has been sufficiently awkward and embarrassing." the tension in the air could have been cut by a butter knife.

"For a genius you really can't take a hint."

"So there's nothing there... at all?"

"Nope." he was still cornered and was oddly trying to position himself away from me.

"Just checking..." I had one more question to ask, "So out of curiosity, as one friend to another, did I come across too strong?"

"Is that a trick question?" he ducked under my arm, "Do all your boyfriends get this?"

"No..." I lied. He raised an eyebrow, "Okay... Okay!"

"How many?"

"How many boyfriends I've had?"

"And that you've done 'this' to?" he gestured broadly.

"Let's see... there was Garrett Bridges and Micky Ohlio from primary school...Oh! Tyler McEssey from Chem class and Bradley Stone from the football team and I once stalked Tom Cruise through S.H.I.E.L.D tech in my first year. Actually I've done it to everyone but Stev—," I stopped myself before I finished my sentence. Stanley tried to play along and ignored my near slip up.

"Well... I'll try not to be too flattered."

"Should go and find Loki?" I asked as Stanley and I watched the sun set from the roof.

"You should. I half think he wants you to come after him. He needs someone to care, someone besides Thor."

"I don't know how to care for him. How am I supposed to make things up to him?"

"You don't. I think you are well and truly equal."

"You're just like my own personal Jiminy Cricket, aren't you!" I chuckled, landing back on the ground.

"Pity I don't have wings to get me down from here." he shouted. I smirked and began my search for Loki, "Emily? Help? Seriously, get me down from here!"

I wandered around listening intensely for any signs of the God down near the wharf. I reached it to find the man hunched over the edge of the pier.

"Loki?" I called, he didn't turn around. Instead I think he wiped his face. He must have been crying. It always seemed odd when men cried, and not in a sexist way. They always seemed so strong and impenetrable. Really they were as fragile as the rest of us.

"Are you alright?" I asked, he just sighed.

"Better." he said patting the ground beside him. I walked over and sat next to him. He had his feet in the water and swung them back and forth like a child.

"I don't like feeling like this," he started forcefully, "I don't like letting people see we weak and vulnerable, especially not in front of a human."

"I prefer genetically enhanced genius level humanoid." that got a small laugh from him, "You don't have to open up and talk about anything. But you do have a choice to make."

"I certainly do. Either I wing it on my own and eventually get caught by the Avengers or I stick with you and your boyfriend." he said worryingly. I couldn't help but laugh and he gave me a massive dirty.

"He's not my boyfriend... actually he's just a friend. A very sassy one." Loki could take a hint.

"It's not a trick question. I know exactly where I want to go but I can't do it."

"You want to go home. Back to Asgard." I finished his sentence. He nodded.

"But I have some unfinished business that needs to be settled and I'm petrified of what Odin will think of me if I go back."

"Screw the lot of them!" I suddenly burst out, "You heard me. Forget 'em."

"That is much easier said than done."

"Actually it's very simple. Stanley proposed it once before. We could wipe your memory; a clean slate. You could live your life without knowing any of the pain, without any of it."

"Tempting."

"Up until now, I never thought about it. But it would be an excellent answer to my situation. I could forget that Phil even happened. We could both get wiped and then the Avengers would find us in a hole somewhere with no memory of anything and things could be all better."

"You think you'd be perky again?"

"Definitely... I need to forget." I began to stand, nodding to myself, "In fact when I get back I'm taking up Stanley's offer. I'm going to start anew."

"Don't you dare!" he grabbed me by the shoulders, his actions confused me, "Don't loose it. Don't forget it all. Why in the nine realms would you want to loose everything about you that makes you special?"

"You think I'm special?" I lowered my voice. His hands slid down from my shoulders and now held me by the elbows.

"Let me avail myself to the task, the privilege, of keeping you on track. I won't run away, I'll stick around just a little bit longer."

"Why?"

"Because the monsters have got to stay together. There's no point in getting separated from the pack, you'll just become chum for all the sharks in the world to devour."

"Such poetic imagery." I laughed, and his hands slowly released me and an tense feeling hung in the air around us, "Well then. Back to our humble abode!" I gestured back towards the warehouse in the distance.

"I'll stay on one condition."

"And that is?"

"He stays out of my head!"

"Take it up with him. I can't control what he does." I told him, he grunted and began to walk ahead of me.

"You know, he's really not that bad."

"That's not a lie!" he retorted sarcastically, "He drugged me, forced you to die, held me in my head and you want me to do what exactly?"

"Give him a chance. You seem to have forgiven me."

"That's what I want you to believe!" he laughed.

"Ah-huh... But in all honesty, he's pretty great." my words were half-hearted.

"You don't completely think that." he prodded.

"Fine! Fine! He has so many secrets. I barely scrapped the surface the other night when he told me about who really was responsible for the Phil thing. There is so much more he's not telling me. He won't tell me how we're connected and the main reason why I ever joined him in the first place was to find out about my mother, who he won't spill the beans about either."

"It's been a month." he said simply, judging my impatience.

"It's been a long one. You'd think he would have said more by now!"

"Have you even asked him straight out to tell you?"

"Not exactly."

"There's your problem. He thinks you don't care about it anymore so he doesn't feel the need to bring it up. Pressure him to explain."

"He cracked the other night when I did."

"Then you know exactly how to get it out of him. Turn on the water works and he tells you everything."

"We're back." I said suddenly realizing that we were home, "Tomorrow I'm going to go find you some clothes. Now that you're not our prisoner it seems fit that you get to live like the rest of us."

"Where exactly do you get the money from. I doubt you just use a, what are they called?"

"Credit card? And no, I don't use one because they could track where I made my withdrawal and find out I'm still alive with you here. I've become adept in the art of cat-burglary. Sneaking into houses at night, or abandoned places like this and take what I need. Though thanks to your armour, I've been able to legitimately buy things over the last week.

"You pawned my battle armour!" he shouted.

"You weren't using it!"

"Stupid girl!"

"Hey! You're a guest here, so learn some manners!" I commanded. He rolled his eyes and brushed past me back inside to have a proper look around, "Wipe your feet you dirty animal."

I couldn't find Stanley anywhere and began to panic! Where did he go? Loki was having a look around in the kitchen, prodding the dirt dishes when they fell onto the floor with a loud clang.

"Who's down there!" shouted a muffled voice, it sounded like it came from outside. OH MY GOD! Outside!

"Oh crap! I left him on the roof!" I realized, rushing back outside and Loki trailed behind.

"Hi!" I called as Stanley swung his feet over the edge and stared grumpily down.

"Hi..." his arms were crossed and he was not happy.

"I'm gonna get you down from there, so hold on."

"To what?"

"Good point. Just brace yourself!" I raised my hands and he left the roof, hovering towards the ground, still in his sitting position. Seconds before I put him down, Loki jumped on me and pulled my arms down, sending Stanley down with a painful thud.

"Owwww." he cried in pain, "I think you just broke my tailbone." he fell the side in a ball. Loki smugly let go of my hands and waltzed on inside, very content with himself.

"It's going to be a long night." I shook my head and went to help Stanley up.

* * *

**Authors Note:** I have to admit this has been the most fun chapter to write so far. Everything was getting so moody and depressing that now this chapter is like a welcome present. I'm glad with how it turned out though I probably could have tweaked the characterisation a bit more, oh well. I'm looking forward to the whole Loki/Stanley fight coming up soon. It will be very interesting... and our friend Mr. Stark is not to far around the bend!

_Arrows the Wolf: _Well, despite the fact that I'm pretty much the same, I love him. He's fun to mess with. No need to apologise. I think I might get Loki to beat him up again... that would be nice.

_ConfusedSoAmI:_YAY! How'd you like this one? Any more feedback or things you want me to clear up?


	6. Armani It Is

**Chapter Five**

"Let's make a deal. I won't kill you, if you stay out of my head." Loki said as his nose and Stanley's almost touched. They were both scowling at one another.

"Being in your head is my only safe guard that you won't kill me." Stanley replied. Suddenly Loki hit himself across the face.

"Why you—!" he punched Stan in the mouth.

"Guys! GUYS!" I screamed as they wrestled and punched on he floor, "Don't make me separate you!" they ignored me.

"Fine!" I lifted my hands and sent them flying to the opposite ends of the warehouse, wriggling to get free.

"FINE!" they shouted in unison. I dropped them and Stanley nursed his bruised tailbone.

"I'm going outside to sleep if I have to come back in here, they'll be hell to pay!" like children they pouted and sulked off. I sat out at the rear of the building, it had the best view of the moon and stars. Chucking my blanket over myself, I snuggled close to the wall and gazed into the sky.

"Company?" I heard Loki's voice from around the corner.

"Sure." I smiled politely and opened up some of my blanket to share. He refused.

"Are you playing nicely?"

"As nice as I can."

"That's good," I praised looking at his hack job of a haircut, sniggering.

"What? What is so funny?"

"Have you looked at your reflection lately. I did a marvelous job at trimming your hair." I started to laugh again.

"It's not too terrible," he brushed his hands through it, shying away, I shook my head "Is it?"

"Sorry. But there's a reason why I don't know much about beauty. I only got introduced to a brush in my senior year of high school."

"That's... quite disgusting. Honestly."

"What are you, a make up guru slash world destroyer?"

"Well when you put it that way!" we both laughed.

It was incredibly weird, his presence, in a non-threatening way. I thought I'd be much more afraid of him but I was afraid of him as I was of my own shadow. We both liked to mock one another, that was certain. We didn't have a friendship, that's not what it was called. More a grudging respect.

"What happened to my scepter?" he asked in the silence of the night.

"We don't have it. Thor took it with your double back to Asgard. Well not your double..."

"Darn."

"Why?"

"I quite liked it. It had a nice feel to it in battle. Good aerodynamics. Good at hypnotizing people."

"I thought you called it 'opening their eyes'."

"I lied."

"Surprise, surprise there!"

"How exactly did you manage to evade the Avengers all this time?" he asked, kicking around in the dirt.

"I told Stark's satellites to avoid this area. If he purposely zoned in here there was a pre-recording."

"How'd you do that?"

"Same way I broke in to see you that time on the hellicarrier. I just tell the computers what to do and they do it."

"It's that simple?"

"Not exactly. It's almost like I become the computer. My consciousness travels through the wires and into the software. Firewalls just collapse if I want them too."

"Don't you get tired or fatigued afterwards?" Loki asked, he must have remembered about my bleeding eye. He noticed my silence and did not press on, although I saw him shiver and tighten into a ball.

"Here, take some of my blanket. You're freezing."

"No. I'm fine."

"It wasn't a request. I was telling you." I commanded him, my eyes were met with a dirty glare and he reluctantly covered his legs with the blanket.

"Look, it's not that bad, is it?" another grunt and he turned away from me, "Have a sook then."

"I am not... 'sooking'. I'm merely expressing my discontent."

"Moping, sooking, whinging. All the same and all of which you tend to do a lot. Does the little God not like to be down spoken to?"

"I don't like being mocked by people less than me."

"One, I only mock you because you do it to me. I thought it was our thing!"

"Our thing?"

"You know, I joke with you, you joke with me. A funny and sarcastic way to not kill each other."

"Right."

"And number two, What happened to moi being a certain equal?"

"Equal adversary. Not my actual equal." his sarcasm returned, "Easy to get confused."

"I'll make a note of it."

"If you'll stop speaking for a minute can I get a word to two in?" I zipped my lips and threw away the key.

"I have had a thought on the back of my mind for a while now. Even when you believed it was my actions that brought the death of your brother, you forgot the very important part of our deal that we made those months ago. I promised you I would help you, how did you put it? Tie up a few loose ends."

"Fury and the the Council." I finished him.

"Yes. If you're still up for it maybe we could take care of them."

"I don't know."

"Is it because of the telepath? Does he get inside your head too?"

"No. He promised me he wouldn't. But we sort of have this emergency connection if either of us in serious danger."

"How do you know he holds up his end of the bargain? Unlike Asgardians, you humans don't keep true your word." I frowned at him, "Alright, well some don't. But don't you want to get someone back. If I could do anything to get back at the people that wronged me I would. I did."

"Huh? I'm pretty sure than Thor and Odin are still living."

"Laufey. Laufey's dead. I tricked and killed him by luring him to Odin's 'death bed'."

"Congratulations to you then."

"Will you consider it? As of late, you have no purpose. You've lost everyone who you knew and now your supposed reason for torturing me is gone. You need something to pass the time."

"And you suggest killing people as a past time?"

"Only people that deserve it." I shook my head, "Need I remind you of what they did to the little three year old version of you?"

"No... I've got photographic memory. I can remember those videos perfectly fine on my own.

"Then what are you holding back for? What have you got to loose?"

"My humanity for one."

"Pfft!" he scoffed, "Humanity doesn't exist. Under all of those layers your people put up, there's a savage just waiting to come out. Suddenly you seem to try and cling onto something you lost a long time ago."

"I can't do it yet. I'm not trained and ready. If I tried to take down one of the council members it would require meticulous planning and skill; skill that I just don't have."

"Then learn them. I'm sure I can teach you a thing or two and if your buddy is feeling up to it maybe he could help. I recall him saying I could be a punching bag for you to train on."

"Even with training, I can't compete with the body guards that keep the council members safe. Their brute size is enough to make me going running for the hills then adding their shooting precision I've got no chance."

"The Coulson that came to my prison a month ago would have a very different view on that."

"Yeah, well she disappeared along with her brother."

"Snap out of it." he clicked in front of my face, "Stop feeling sorry for yourself and take action. I've been there done that, it feels a whole lot better if you build a figurative rainbow bridge and cross it."

"What's the verdict doctor? What medicine works best?"

"Letting go and looking forward. Stop telling yourself that you can't do things." he ripped the blanket from me, "First off, try and get the blanket off me."

"Oi!" I shouted jumping up and chasing after him as he held it above my head, "It's freezing, give it back!"

"Make me." he teased. He disappeared and then suddenly reappeared, multiplying himself in a circle. All his copies were holding the blanket and laughing.

"Give it here!" I lunged at one of them, they disappeared and I landed face first in the dirt.

"You're going to have to do much better than that if you want it back." all the copies said.

"Challenge accepted!" I stood back up and brushed myself off. Hands out in front I began to spin them in a circular motion. The dirt around the copies began to pick up and spiral around them to form a wind funnel. Faster and faster it went, until one by one the copies dropped off and a spluttering Loki was left in the center. I walked straight up and went to yank the blanket back off him when he disappeared again; another rouse.

"Come on! Really?" I stood up straight and pouted. Closing my eyes, I listened. For his breathing, for his heart beat. Slowly I could pick up his feet sneaking up behind me. At the last second I turned, to be smothered by the blanket and knocked to the ground.

"Get off!" I shouted, trying hard not to giggle. As Loki and I wrestled he suddenly screamed and dropped back, "Loki! Loki? What's wrong?!" I pulled the blanket off quickly to find him clutching his head in his hands, writhing in pain. Standing over in the dark was Stanley scowling at him and coming closer. He reached us and kicked Loki in the gut, pulling me to my feet.

"You leave her alone or I won't be so lenient next time." he said as Loki stopped screaming.

"What the hell is your problem?!" I shouted going to check Loki was okay.

"He was trying to kill you. He was smothering you." Stanley said innocently.

"Actually, I was testing her." Loki sat up, massaging his temples.

"We were just mucking about. No harm done." I re-assured him.

"I didn't realize." Stanley backed away.

"At least I can be sure that you weren't in my head." Loki attempted to stand up, but fell in the process. Stanley tried to help but I put my hand out and stopped him.

"Just go back inside." I requested, his eyes pleaded otherwise, "Please." with a hung head he kicked the dirt around a bit and made his way back indoors.

"He's really nice once you get to know him!" Loki rolled his eyes.

"Come on," I helped him back over to the wall where we were sitting before Stanley so rudely interrupted, "Are you gonna be alright?"

"Give me a minute or so and I'll be back on my feet." he huffed, "I don't think you're as bad as you make yourself out to be. Though maybe you need to sharpen your reaction time. If it was someone else you would be dead by now and your buddy won't always be by your side protecting you like a guard dog."

"Fine. I'll do it then."

"You'll find them and deal with them?"

"So long as both you and Stanley agree to train me. I need all the help I can get."

"Agreed." he stuck out his palm and we shook, "It's a deal."

"So..." I now had the blanket firmly wrapped around my shoulders, "I suppose that's a good-night then!" I smiled and began to close my eyes.

"Are you kidding me?" he jumped up, right as rain, "The night is young. I say we start your training now." he yanked me into standing.

"What exactly do you propose?" I smiled excitedly.

"You said we'd go clothes showing tomorrow. Why not tonight? Show me what you can do."

"It's not exactly hard." I almost bragged.

"Then you shouldn't have a problem with me tagging behind."

"Just as long as you don't get in the way." I brushed past him and went to go put the blanket away. Dropping it inside near the door and picking up my jacket instead Loki and I were off to do some much needed retail therapy, no credit cards needed!

"Sssssh!" I scolded Loki as he knocked over a garbage bin trailing behind me, "I'd rather not get caught and cause a commotion."

"Let's!"

"Get caught? Are you crazy?"

"According to the majority of your human society." he chuckled.

"I'm not getting caught. The whole part about being dead is that I keep off the radar. Getting caught by the police and put in the system is not my idea of keeping on the down low."

"We could take them on easily!"

"True, but could you imagine the news headline? Mystery man and woman take out a police squadron in a mater of minutes."

"No survivors recorded." he added smugly, "Can't have any witnesses."

"Either way, no need to draw attention to ourselves. We wouldn't want the Avengers knocking up on our doorstep with a muzzle and handcuffs."

Loki nodded reluctantly and took the lead, I was cautious of him but if anything happened he'd be on his own.

"I've always had an eye for high quality garments." he declared as we came across a lovely Armani warehouse across the road.

"Really?"

"You can only have one or the other. Either you don't complain about the clothes or you can help me cause a fuss back out on the main street and bring in the canine squadron."

"Fine," I dismissed my complaint, "Armani it is!"

* * *

**Authors Note:** So next chapter I'm going to do a little switch over of POV. Sooo... expect a few lines on a certain Avenger. Always enjoying myself, trying to get back on path to Loki's character but it is incredibly hard when I have all these feels... Also Stanley's getting a bit jealous, he doesn't like Loki! Control freak issues, yes I know. We all love to hate him.

_Arrows the Wolf:_ I had to do it just for you! All the Stan bashing in later chapters is just my special gift for staying loyal to my story! Thanks again!

_Purplenurpl: _Glad you're enjoying and thanks, I definitely will!


	7. Out Of The Loop

**Chapter Six - TONY'S POV**

"Tony, come and have a look at this!" Pepper called Tony over to her. She was tapping away at the screen in front of her and flipped around a video she was watching, "We've spotted him again, with the girl."

Tony double tapped the screen and it zoomed in, befuddled at the image he was seeing.

"Are you sure that that is Loki Laufeyson?" he squinted, the _supposed_ criminal's face out of the cameras line of sight.

"I wasn't sure at first, what with you over-dramatizing how long his hair was, but I think it's him." Pepper continued, "Though I still have no idea who the girl is. Jarvis is cross-referencing the world database as we speak and trying to find a match on her."

"Without a face match I doubt that even Jarvis, in all his brilliance, could pull that off." Tony sighed walking back over the other side of the room to fill up his glass with one excellent brew of whiskey. The two alleged criminals had been spotted outside of a small town near North York in Toronto, Canada. They were laughing and pushing each other about, caught by a local security camera as they broke into a warehouse.

"Why would Loki want to rob a warehouse? In fact why would the guy rob anything, he thinks himself a God. And that's the other thing, he's not even wearing green! He practically flaunted the colour in all it's glory the last time we met." Tony taunted.

"Wait..." Pepper screamed and Jarvis stopped playing the video, "Rewind back slowly."

"What is it Pepper? What'd you see?" Tony put down his glass and bounded over to her side.

"There." she smiled happily as the blurry, but visible, image spread out across the screen.

"Face scan now in process." Jarvis spoke.

"Peek-a-boo. We're gonna find you." Tony laughed as Jarvis scanned the face. The face of the brunette haired girl with the glinting blue eyes.

"I'm going to contact Fury once the face scan is complete, round up the gang and get that Asgardian scum off this planet." Tony boasted walking off towards the lift, "Jarvis call me when you get the results, I'm going down to the workshop to do some more work on Mark VIII."

"Yes sir."

The lift descended and Pepper had gone off to bed after a nice cup of tea. She couldn't wait up with Tony for the results. Taking care of Stark Industries among other things needed her to be fully recharged by the morning otherwise she would end up passing out at another shareholders meeting. The lift doors pinged open and Tony happily walked out grabbing his tool belt on his way in and starting his music with the click of his fingers. After about an hour in his music suddenly cut off and Tony stood up with a groan as the screen he had been working on changed files.

"Jarvis. Timing is everything. I was onto something big, make sure you save the hologram files."

"Already saved sir. But I'm afraid there is some far more pressing information regarding the mystery women you asked me to scan for."

"What do you mean by pressing information, because if it's about that dog that was peeing on the power pole again I'll—," Tony ranted as Jarvis put the image of the match up on screen. The screwdriver that had been in his hand immediately fell to the ground and his mouth hung wide open. The image of the girl on the screen was impossible, it wasn't... couldn't be true.

It was Emily Coulson, the little S.H.I.E.L.D agent that got murdered by a Chitauri. The same Emily Coulson that was buried alongside her brother a month ago.

"Jarvis, are you sure you haven't go a bug?" Tony coughed out.

"I thought it strange too, but perhaps there is some even stranger files that I found while doing the scan."

"Put it up on the screen." Tony picked up his screwdriver and placed it on the table beside him as Jarvis played a security clip from the Chitauri Invasion day, in the very room above him. It was a clip of Emily Coulson confronting Loki, nothing out of the ordinary. A few harsh words shared here and there and then the Hulk smashed Loki into the ground. What a wonderful sight to behold. Though the next section of the security tape was something different. Some ginger jumped out from behind a pillar and injected a needle into his neck. Emily looked frightened and proceeded to yell and shout and the stranger until slowly, they came to a conclusion. To a deal. To take away Loki Laufeyson and plant a decoy.

"Stop it there." Tony stopped and stood back, running his fingers through his hair stressfully. That's how Loki had escaped. He hadn't disappeared on Thor and made an escape, he was never even with us. Suddenly Tony's mind began to tick over.

"Sir. There is more to the tape that is worth listening to." Jarvis interrupted Tony's train of thought. Reluctantly Tony pushed on forward, "Play the rest."

_"You have to die." the ginger stated, "Well fake your death at least."_

"Stop it." Tony shook his head and the clip paused again.

"You mean to tell me that she's not dead, that she planned this all with that ginger psychopath? It's not possible. I saw her die with my own eyes. I was with Rogers and the others. We watched it. She touched his skin, she was real. Her body, her coffin, everything! She's dead, it's got to be wrong. Maybe it's a clone or something. I mean hey, it's a miracle that I'm alive everyday, it would be a stretch if S.H.I.E.L.D had cloned her DNA or something."

"There is more evidence if you require it sir." Jarvis chimed in, timing completely off.

"No. Call Nick Fury. Tell him I need to speak with him asap. Inform him to keep Rogers completely out of the loop. We can not have him knowing about any of this." Tony finished sternly.

"You called." Nick Fury said strolling into the top floor of Stark Tower; Banner, Thor Romanoff and Clint behind him.

"You've all made sure Rogers has no clue about this meeting." Tony cleared up. All in attendance nodded in response.

"What I'm about to show you can not leave this room." Tony clarified.

"Get to the point. What's so important that the Cap' isn't allowed to be on board."

"Coulson's alive." Tony blurted out, everyone in the room went silent and was too flabbergasted to ask which one, "Emily. She's not dead." he answered their unspoken question.

"I saw the girl pass on to the next life right in front of me. With my very own eyes." Thor said confused.

"I've been running tests all night long, it seems she deceived us all very well. A week ago, Jarvis noticed a section on my satellites that wouldn't pick up a certain area. After a bit of hacking we had discovered a clip of security footage that was on an infinite loop. I didn't think it was anything related to Loki but I thought I'd see what someone was hiding. Jarvis picked up another anomaly, similar to this, guess when! Our little rogue agent snuck into Loki's maximum security cell and hatched a plan with him, to effectively kill Fury and the Council members, only Loki betrayed her and murdered Phil."

"Where are you going with this?" Clint shut him off, he was getting increasingly irritated. Similarly to Tony's reaction, it was almost inconceivable that Emily could be alive, they had all seen it.

"Fast forward to the Chitauri invasion, after Bruce did some marvelous smashing with Loki, a strange red headed man appeared and... 'conversed' with her. She didn't just betray us once." Tony turned a screen around and played the video. Fury was pulling the skin around his mouth and shaking his head, "I stumbled upon one working security camera near the place where the Chitauri... well where we thought it killed her, turns out her friend is a little bit on the psychic side." Another video played. Steve, Tony, Hulk and Thor reacting to nothing and Emily standing at the side of the ginger nearby.

"Two afternoons ago we broke through a series of incredibly complex firewalls and managed to lock onto a small area of the larger hidden section. We found Loki. Near a pier in Toronto, Canada. He had an accomplice though. A brunette haired girl. Later last night we managed to get an image of them robbing... can't believe I'm going to say this... but an Armani warehouse. I'm in the process of tracking their exact location and then I suppose we all suit up."

"We can't leave Captain Steve out this." Thor stated. Tony fronted him and walked eye to eye, admittedly he was a lot shorter but the idea was there.

"Have you ever been in love?" Tony asked. Thor was silent but nodded, "You've seen how he already is, I don't want to give him false hope. The real Emily Coulson is dead. She has been for a long time. The girl that she is now hasn't come out about her little fiasco because she doesn't want to be found. To tell Rogers that she's alive, then force him to accept every betrayal she has done to us, it would crush him."

"He's already crushed. He doesn't do anything. He sits around in that boxing gym and punched those sand bags, just like before." Clint added.

"Yeah, he does have a right to know. But would you really want to dump all of this on top of him?" Tony rounded off.

"He is a good man. He deserves the truth." Thor spoke out again, persistent at his cause.

"Then take a look at this," Tony pulled part of the security tape from last night out. Loki and Emily laughing like idiots, breaking in and trying on clothing. Then one thing caught everyone's eye and made Thor's drop. Loki was leading Emily out of the building, she was carrying bags of their 'purchased' items. Their hands were joined and there was no sign either of them were letting go.

"Either he's developed Stockholm syndrome or there is something else going on there because I was pretty sure they hated one another." Romanoff gagged in disgust.

"And there's one more thing." Tony pulled up another file, "I've got a face match for her ginger telepath friend. He told her his name was Stanley Witmore."

"Stanley Witmore?" Fury questioned, "Well that can't be possible because Stanley Witmore died in testing the brain enhancer drug." The image opened of the real face of Stanley Witmore, a 20 something man with blonde hair and brown eyes. The image of the ginger belonged to a Mr. Oliver Arbor.

"Care to do some explaining Fury?" Tony asked, everyone turned to face him, awaiting his reply.

* * *

**Authors Note:** Another quick chapter release. Had a lot of creative juices going on in my head, couldn't help it. I know this chapter is sorta out of wack being in 2nd person and all, but I'm happy with it. I'm not naturally a very funny person (at least that's what I think) and Tony is always a challenge to write. But I did it and I'm happy with the way it turned out. I've been holding onto some very important information for a while and this was just the first strand I pulled, soon the whole thing is going to unravel. Thanks again for all the lovely reviews!

_Purplenurpl_: I know right, everything is about to go down. Though I'm feeling a little bit of travelling might be necessary.

_Arrows the Wolf: _You know... we can't really call him Stan anymore ;)


	8. Nightmare Man

**Chapter Seven**

"Are you happy now? We robbed a clothing store. Training all complete!" I laughed dumping Loki's clothes on the ground.

"We've barely started!" he sized up his clothes.

"Take these and get changed." I chucked a pair of jeans and a white shirt at him.

"I don't remember picking these." he whinged.

"Oh I'm sorry! If you want to go to sleep in a five hundred dollar suit by all means." I said, he nodded in approval and took them out of my hands.

"When did you pick these up, they don't exactly look designer." he unfolded them and examined them in slight disgust.

"They're some of Stan's stuff. I assumed they would fit you." at the mention of Stan he scowled and threw them back.

"I am not wearing another persons clothing, specifically not that filthy Stanley's."

"They've been washed!" I tried to reason with him, chucking them back.

"I am a God. It is a stretch for me to even consider wearing human clothes." back and forth the pile of clothes went.

"Human clothes? What the hell is that supposed to mean? You have the same physique as any one of us. If we are determining physical appearance you've got no case here 'Mr. God'," the conversation took a sarcastic turn.

"On Asgard—," he began.

"We're not on Asgard. We're on Earth and it's either this," I stuck the clothes to his chest,  
"—or you can strut around butt naked."

"...I will tolerate them then," he huffed, "But know, I am not pleased."

"Goodnight Loki!" I rolled my eyes and walked back outside. It had been a fun night, Loki was definitely a lot more outgoing than he appeared and didn't rain on my parade until now. Jees he loved to pull the diva card out though. I wondered if Thor was the same in anyway.

Back on my spot on the wall, blanket covering my legs and no threat of it being stolen I went to sleep, and for the first time in a month I had a nightmare.

It started off like any other dream, there was black and then the '_dream'_ began.

Stark tower, the day of the Chitauri Invasion, missing letters and knowing all too well who was up on the top floor. The team was fighting by my side but they seemed so distant, I could reach out but never touch them. Slowly one by one they got taken down. First Agent Romanoff, jumped on from behind and skewered like a prawn. Clint, up on top of a car, got shot down from behind and then beat to death. Tony fighting above us got hit with a laser beam that stopped all his weaponry while he was mid flight, falling hundreds of meters through the air, he hit the ground with a solid thud and blood began to seep through his suit. Fury and the hellicarrier had been blown up, Thor, was stabbed in the heart, Hulk decapitated. Steve and I were the only ones left.

"Get outta here! I'm not loosing you too." he screamed from across me as we fought on and on.

"I'm not leaving your side." I shouted back. Then something dreadful happened. Steve died. Just the way I had tricked him into believing I was dead; a Chitauri running him through from the side. Screams escaped my lungs and I ran towards him, the Chitauri around us disappearing into dust in my anger. Cries of disbelief echoed inside my skull. As I reached him, as I went to touch him, a hand stopped me on my shoulder. Swiveling around I found Stan and Loki behind me. I went to scream again, to beg them to help me but a harsh, cold finger met my lips. Loki stood menacing in front of me.

"Run!" Steve shot out before the life in him was gone. Tears made puddles and my heart felt broken. Is this how Steve felt all the time?

"You're with us now." Stan said from behind.

"You're one of the bad guys!" Loki laughed. His eyes pulsating green. The city began to crumble around us, I couldn't move. All I could do was stare into his eyes and listen to him chuckle. The walls fell and then a large piece of rock fell on top of Stanley and crushed him underneath it, silent shouts escaped me. Loki and I were left; all alone.

The city vanished around us and we stood in a black dimly lit room.

"Why do you search for their forgiveness?" Loki paced around me, "We are above them! Tsk tsk! You have so much potential, so much power that you could harness. Why use the Chitauri to take over Midgard... when I have you. We could rule together, nothing could stop us. You could stand by my side as a queen..." he paused. I feared his next words.

"As _my_ queen." his cold hand reached up under my chin and pulled my face closer. This was the nightmare. Inspecting my face side to side he nodded, "You'll do perfectly." his lips met mine and I could not struggle away from him. Instead, as if someone else were in control, I pushed back. It was a terrible sight, I was trapped inside my mind as my body acted on it's own. My hands brushed through his hair, it's normal length in this fantasy, they held his face close to my own and my eyes remained open the entire time.

"I am so very, very, disappointed in you." I heard Phil say. My eyes shot away to find Phil standing in the corner. Finally my body stopped and pushed Loki away meaninglessly.

"I'm everything you wanted me to become." my lips moved on their own accord and an unfamiliar voice came out. I looked down in my hand and saw Loki's scepter. Legs moving, running. Hands lifting, aiming. Straight for the heart. The scepter pierced through Phil's heart and he collapsed on the ground. Dead.

Then the control came back. I could make tears and scream and shout again. I knelt down and shook over his lifeless body. Images of the real scene meshing with this vision. Bloodied hands, covered in tears.

"No, no, no! I didn't mean it. I take it back. I take it all back!" I screamed.

"It's too late." Loki whispered in my ear. His hands firmly grabbed me by the hair and began to drag me backwards, "You're all mine now." his evil, devilish laughed echoes so loud and clear. There was nothing I could do but scream in pain as I was dragged from my brothers corpse once again.

"Emily? Emily!" I felt someone's hands on my shoulders. I awoke and stared into two recognizable faces. Stanley's hand reached for my forehead and wiped away the sweat that must have formed there. He bent down to my level and felt my temperature. I saw Loki nervously checking over his shoulder and panicked. The thought of him near my right now made me roll away in fear. I screamed and jumped back, curling into a ball with the blanket over me hoping that he wouldn't hurt me.

"Emily, it's just me. It's Stan. It's alright." Stan's hands held my shoulders again. I could feel myself loosing it, "Sssh. It was just a dream."

"Emily?" Loki's tiny voice neared, a tone he had never taken before.

"I can...I can't. Awa...Away." I stuttered in tears. Stanley peeled back the blanket and turned me around. I latched around him under the arms and didn't want to let go.

"Do you mind if I?" he tapped his temples. I shook my head, he smiled in response. Closing his eyes he touched my left temple and frowned as the dream, correction, the nightmare I had seen played out in front of his eyes. With a deep breath he released me and stared forgivingly at me.

"Hey, hey..." he comforted as I burst out in tears again, "It was just a dream. I know I don't think much of Loki but he wouldn't do that."

"What did I do?" he asked quietly in the background, the ground crumbling under his feet as he walked nearer.

"Come here," Stanley pulled him down to level, I tucked my head away, "Look. It's just Loki. Not the monster from your dream, okay? He wouldn't hurt you like that. Look." I felt a warm hand on my arm and shivered for a second. It was Loki, I could tell his grip. It wasn't harsh though, in fact very soft and even... loving? Slowly I peeked my head out and looked at him. Stanley was right. The Loki in front of me and the Loki I had seen in my dreams were very different. This Loki had a look in his eyes that was hard to describe. It wasn't love, no I did not think he was capable of loving a human, but it was something new. No matter how i tried to label it, it was too hard. The look on his face was unique, but more than anything, I knew right then and there that he could be trusted. That we were in this together, whatever _this_ was. What the three of us were doing, somehow my nightmare brought us closer together. The fears that had been hidden so deeply in my heart had exploded in my mind, amplified hundreds of times. Now that it was over, so were my fears. Stanley and Loki both cared about me and I cared about them. That was it, end of story.

Loki began to rub his thumb soothingly and I closed my eyes and just let Stan's arms and Loki's thumb calm me down. I breathed in and out and tried not to think about what I had just witnessed.

"Oh my god. Not again," Stanley said suddenly in shock reaching up and touching under my eye. I opened them as red covered his fingers.

"Her nose too." Loki lifted his hand and wiped away something from under my nose.

"We need to get her inside, help her up," Stanley told Loki as the both of them linked their arms under mine and we stood. Slowly we walked back inside and they sat my on Loki's torture chair. Not exactly the nicest thing to seat me in, but certainly the comfiest. Stan rushed into the kitchen and wet a cloth, Loki stood by the chair inspecting my face.

"How many times has this happened before?"

"Just a few." I tried to avoid his question. He placed his hand on the armrest and leant closer.

"Tell me."

"Three. Once before Phil... you know." he nodded, "Another time about two days ago."

"It's becoming more frequent." Stan interrupted wiping away the rest of the blood on my face with cloth and placing it on my forehead to cool me down.

"We need to get you to a medical facility." Loki stated, grabbing my arm and beginning to pull me up.

"No." Stan pulled us apart, pushing me back into the seat, "We can't go anywhere public. There are security cameras and if we get seen trust me you're brother will come to pick up his stolen luggage."

"What if she is dying?" he raised his voice, "How do you know that her abilities aren't killing her."

"Because they're not, Okay!" Stan raised his voice higher. The two began to eye each other off angrily.

"Are you willing to bet her life on that?" Loki's voice cracked. Stan went quiet, "That's what I thought."

"Fine. I'll take her to the hospital, but you stay here. If we get caught, you are not to be with us. If they take you, if your brother takes you back to Asgard and puts you on trial there you know as well as I do what they'll do to you. I've seen it in my mind."

"If they capture you both, what do you think that they will do to her? Lock both of you away forever, never to see the sunlight again."

"If they kill you, Loki." Stan said bluntly out loud so that I could hear, "That'll do her just as good. Another person dead that she will try and blame herself for. They won't lock her way. Trust me. They care too much. She'll be punished yes, but they won't hurt her, especially not with Steve around." Stan bargained.

"Don't I get a say in this?" I mumbled weakly.

"No!" they both shot me down.

"Then the deal is struck. Be back here by five tonight to give me news, if you are not back by then... then I will assume you have been captured."

"Deal." the pair struck hands.

Stan broke into a car and drove me up to the nearest hospital. I was breaking into a sweat and running a very high temperature. I could see myself in the rear view mirror and I had grey bags under my eyes, greasy hair and every now and again my nose would begin to bleed again. On top of all of that I had an absolute splitting headache that could have killed me alone.

Stanley helped me inside the hospital, I could feel my stomach coming up. My vision went hazy I started to see things, like unicorns and rainbows. I lost balance and from my judgement I think I fell to the ground and hit my head with a thud. I could hear Stanley's voice faintly over a loud buzzing noise. People rushed over and I couldn't give less of a damn. I was going to die, drooling merrily on the floor. No good byes, no apologies. Then black and he buzzing faded.

* * *

**Authors Note: **I lied when I said Emily would be doing any more fainting in the original 'Panic'. Sorry 'bout that. The thing between Emily and Loki isn't really love, so unfortunately do not expect toooooo much to come of this. Maybe some cute things, maybe not. Next chapter is back to Mr. Stark's POV and then we shall go onto Loki's, just to change things up. ONTO THE REVIEWS (such fantastic things they are!)

_cyn4675_: I think this is the most interesting review I've ever had. I mean, I've had these thoughts too but you are absolutely right. The fact that they just blame her is a part of their disbelief though. Because imagine if you thought a friend was dead, HECK, you saw it with your two eyes the two basic reactions to do is ask yourself "what did I do to make them want to leave. Could I have done anything to help?" OR How I've portrayed them, as not believing it and choosing to ignore the fact that they were involved with it. If Fury hadn't done what he did, essentially none of it would have happened. You could imagine how different her life would be. She would have grown up knowing about her abilities, she possibly couldn't have been taken in by Coulson Sr. and she could have even known about Oliver. It's a very interesting concept indeed!

_Purplenurpl_: Fasten your seat belts the ride is about to leave the platform! I'll try and get the chapters out as fast as I can now!

_Arrows the Wolf:_ In a few chapters to come you must only call him by Oliver! MWAHAHAHA! Although, I might put a few jokes in there about it. Accidental stuttering out his wrong name and that sort of thing, whatda think? Thanks for the review!

_Anime-GuardianAngel:_ That's fine, absolutely no problem with that. Just glad to know that you are still reading though! And Darn it! I thought I was being so coy about it and all! Well the back story is very interesting and should follow in three/four chapters time. Hopefully, don't take my word on it, I might change my mind. And I love Steve, he's just fantastic. But I think I might keep their meeting a little more delayed than the rest of the avengers XP


	9. Hospital Trip

**Chapter Eight - TONY'S POV**

Tony sat in shock in his swivel chair, meagerly playing with it's controls going up and down. Fury had spent a decent hour explaining the complication that stemmed from Emily Coulson's resurrection. Along with her accomplices, one Oliver Arbor and one Loki Laufeyson, they'd managed to stay under the radar for a solid month and a bit, which was quite a feat considering how hard Jarvis had been working to find Loki since Thor came back. Oliver Arbor... how to describe him. Well an asshole to start off, Tony thought.

"How exactly did he manage to get away from you?" Bruce asked, Tony zoning back into the question time.

"Dakota Arbor hid him. It's still unsure how she did it, it's quite possible that Oliver was able to use his abilities very early."

"Are there any repercussions from the drug?" Bruce continued. Fury sighed and nodded.

"For the most part of our experiments, the subjects became susceptible to insanity and later death. With Emily and Oliver's case, it's unique. They were born with the genes that cured the side effects, but new ones arose."

"Arose? What?" Tony interrupted

"What Coulson failed to let me clear up was the reason we suppressed her abilities as a child was because they were dangerous."

"I saw those videos, the only thing dangerous was the tests that were ran on her."

"Look, all that brain power, functioning day and night even when she does realise. She started to get sick."

"How sick?"

"Headaches and nose bleeds that sort of stuff. But all little things that could have spelled out big trouble."

"And they might have reawakened with her abilities..." Bruce added solemnly.

"Ughhh. You might all want to take a look at this." Clint called over his shoulder, from one of Tony's computers. Rushing over, Tony glared at the screen. A security tape. In one Canadian hospital.

"Look's like those side effects are taking their toll." Clint said shallowly, Tony shot him a look.

"Suit up. And remember, not a word of this to Rogers." Tony demanded.

Sitting inside the Hellicarrier, all were silent. Fury back at base, didn't speak a word either. The tension in the space was high. The plan was clear, they were here to transfer Emily to another facility, one where she could receive the right medical treatment and not endanger herself or anyone else. The team was to secure the perimeter and take out Arbor, alive. If Loki was anywhere nearby Thor was on that.

The plane reached the ground and the medical team rushed out to greet them. Natasha, in disguise met them with Bruce and they went inside the hospital, the first to see the living dead. In the cover of night they emerged after an hour and brought with them the heavily sedated girl with brown hair instead of red. A face so familiar, so peaceful.

"There is no sign of the telepath or my brother." Thor wandered onto the plane.

"Then we're off." Tony stared back down at the girl who was sweating and shaking every now and again, "What the hell did they do to you."

* * *

**Author's Notes:** Just a short one this time, Loki's POV up next. Not much else to say!

_cyn4675_: It's almost as if she's stuck in the middle is some sense. She's got Loki and Stan who she views as 'good' guys to some extent and then the Avengers who are actual good guys. Loki and Emily have this grudging relationship. It's not love, or a crush or anything as stereotypical as that. Heck it's not exactly a friendship, it's just enjoying someones company because they are similar to you. I don't completely view the Avengers as friends either; they're a team of people who similarly have a unique connection. The thing to remember about Emily is that she is still only twenty years of age, and while she's been through a lot, she's still all about finding her thrill in life and working out what best suits her. So for now, I suppose, Loki is that dangerous pleasure she's trying.

_Arrows the Wolf_: I'm glad about that. It was supposed to be freaky/creepy and the overall consensus is that I achieved that which is good. It's important for later on. Oh and if you want you can call him Ollie :)

_Purplenurpl_: Thanks! It's like inception, Avengers style!


	10. Lover, Comrade, Friend

**Chapter Nine - Loki's POV**

Loki paced nervously around the warehouse, scratching his head and waiting for Stanley to return. It was sunset and he was still not back, Loki's mind had begun to think the worst. He began to concoct a world of different scenarios; The Other had come back to Earth to seek his revenge for Loki's failure, or maybe the local Armani store owner realized that his stock was missing and was part of a gang that took the hospital hostage. No, Loki needed to stop. Why was he worrying, nothing was wrong. Emily and Witmore would be on their way back now with some blood pressure control tablets and doctors orders to rest in bed. Yes, all was fine. With a deep sigh he slumped onto the wall outside where all this mess had begun. What was it about this girl that made him so worried? Loki did not love her, no it was never that. Despite how he frequently referred to her as an equal she was still human and Loki was determined not to follow in his brothers footsteps and fall in love with a human. Though he was suck here infinitely, he still had standards. It was like the relationship Thor had with Lady Sif. They were just friends, warriors in arms. So that's what Emily Coulson and Loki were... but even friends sounded odd. Comrades... no. What was the word. It wasn't love! Loki tried to rationalize how he felt, he had some part of concern for her inside him. It wasn't sorrow or pity. Narcism maybe. Fine then, friends it would be. Friends with similar agendas.

And Loki was worried about his friend. The only person here on this Earth that didn't label him the bad guy and want to lock him up. In the beginning that was the complete opposite and if it wasn't for that meddlesome Witmore she would still be torturing him, correction, they. In some respects he should give a small thanks to Witmore for opening her eyes up.

Loki never had 'friends'. Being a son of Odin for most of his life meant that he didn't get to go out a hell of a lot. He focused on his studies; sorcery instead of battle like Thor. When he wasn't studying he was harassed by Thor to play with his friends, Sif and the Warriors Three. He had known a few people his age here and there, but besides a childhood crush that went terribly wrong he had never experienced much in the field of relationships.

"Loki!" called out a broken voice. Stanley Witmore had returned. Loki stood up hastily and rushed around to meet him.

"What's going on? Where is she?" Loki blurted out.

"I've got some good news and some bad news. What do you want first?"

"Good news please."

"Right, so she's been admitted in haste and they scanned her for any issues."

"And the bad news?"

"Quite a bit I'm afraid. They wouldn't release the test results to me but I got around their protocols." his eyes sunk a little.

"What?! What's wrong!"

"Loki, she's got a tumor. It's on the right side of her brain, it's tiny. But it's growing. Every time she uses her abilities it gets bigger. She's killing herself."

Loki stopped and sunk to the ground, "Is there anything they can do?"

"They were unsure, but that's not the biggest part of it. One of the doctors was an ex-member of S.H.I.E.L.D. They alerted Fury. The Avengers are on their way.

"And you left her?!" Loki screamed, jumping to his feet, "Stanley! They're going to take her and neither of us will know where she is!"

"I have a plan. Listen closely." Stanley pulled his closer as if someone was listening in, "They're not due to arrive for another two hours. I'm going to wait for them and when someone comes inside to get her I'll switch places with them and get on board the jet with them. I'll be there the whole time and no one will know. I'll take care of her."

"What is my role in this master plan of yours?"

"Take this," he put a small device in Loki's hand.

"What is it?"

"It's a tracker. I've put one inside Emily's necklace and I've got one on this." he held up a ring on his finger.

"Emily's will simply tell you where she is, but if anything happens to me. If the signal drops out it means I've been compromised and my position have been given away."

"Or dead." Loki added gleefully.

"If that happens," Stanley tried to ignore him, "It's up to you. You're the only one that can get her away from them."

"Let's hope that it doesn't come to that." Loki nodded. Stanley put his hand out for Loki to shake. Reluctantly Loki accepted it and the plan was in motion. The Avengers were not going to take the only friend he had.

* * *

**Author's Note:** So just another short one, next chapter should be similar in length. Last time I do TONY'S POV. REVIEWS!

_Arrows the Wolf:_ :3 Naw, I hate to keep you on the edge of your seat. No, that's a lie. I do enjoy it a little too much than I should. I can't make any promises about him coming back yet, but he is definitely coming. May be soon, may be a while a way. I can not divulge these secrets!


	11. The Little Mermaid

**Chapter Ten - TONY'S POV**

There she lay. So peaceful, so quiet. Bruce tended to her and checked that her vitals were right, sitting beside her once he was done. All five Avengers were quiet and the other doctor that had accompanied them was also still.

"It's her." Clint broke the silence, "I wanted to go along with the clone idea but..." he stopped.

"You must tell Captain Rogers." Thor started up his argument again, "She is sick. If she—,"

"Look here King Arthur." Tony cut him off, "On top of everything, you think that telling him that she's sick now is going to help."

"You speak as if you know she is going to die." Thor questioned him.

"Here on Earth having a tumor on your brain doesn't spell good news. Back on Asgard maybe you can cure these sorts of things with a magic fruit but on Earth all we can do is try to hope that there is a solution that won't kill her."

"He's right Thor. I saw the brain scans, every time she uses her abilities it gets bigger. It's already to big to operate on."

"Why?" Thor asked, not understanding the complexity of medical science.

"If they try to get rid of it, they could severely damage her brain and leave her a mushroom for the rest of her life."

"Then we can bring dear old Rogers over to sit by her bedside for the remainder of her life." Tony added snidely.

"Enough!" Clint screamed, "Just can we stop talking about it. I don't want to talk about her dying and telling Rogers and... just... just... all of it!" he stood in his place firmly and scrunched his face in his hands.

"Unfortunately," Tony turned to him, "We don't have a choice. Because if we just push it to the side and pretend it never happened that she's not sick it won't make anything go away. It's time to wake up and smell the roses. Despite everything that's gone on she's still a team member and we don't let each other die."

"For the trip home, can we just pretend for a second please. We can face reality in three hours time."

"One for me. I'll meet you all back there." Tony scowled and went to grab his helmet.

"Where are you going?" Natasha called from the cock pitt.

"Away from this." Tony put his helmet on and prepared to leave out the back of the plane. As his helmet firmly secured, an odd sight appeared. Through the slits for eyes in his helmet, the doctor who had been slightly ethnic looking shifted to become a very familiar face. One with red hair and features that matched that of Emily. Thor was wrong when he had stated that 'the telepath was not around'. He had tricked them all again, but this time Tony had the upper hand. Slumping on the side of the plane he turned back around, careful not to give away that he knew.

"Fury hasn't messaged in yet has he?" Tony said oddly.

"I'm here. I've heard to whole thing." The red head stated, everyone listened into their earpieces as if it was Fury who had said it.

"Sir." Jarvis said to Tony in almost silence. "Directory Fury had a concern that something like this would happen. You'll find a sound paralyzer in a hidden compartment in the side of the plane. All you have to do is press the red button underneath your seat."

"You are fabulous Jarvis."

"What?" Bruce looked at Tony funny.

"Ensure the rest of your crew has their ears blocked." Jarvis finished.

"Oh nothing. Just Jarvis telling me a killer joke. You wanna hear it?"

"It tells jokes?" Natasha questioned.

"Off course it does!" Tony scoffed as if that was almost a joke itself.

"So the joke goes, there was this doctor. He was quite a crafty one, top of his field. But he had a secret he never told anyone," Tony paced near his seat, the 'doctor' looked squirmish, "He wasn't actually a doctor."

"Is this supposed to be humorous on Earth?" Thor interrupted.

"Block your ears!" Tony suddenly shouted, lurching forward and pressing the red button under his seat. All the team obeyed as a high pitch buzzing noise filled the air. Oliver Arbor went to cover his ears but by the time he had reached up he was hit with the paralysis. The illusion failed and the Avengers saw Oliver for who he really was. But more shocking than that, was the fact that this paralysis device was much more familiar to Tony than he let on. Only a few years ago, Obadiah Stane used a similar device on him, that almost killed him. He made a mental note to speak to Fury about that.

"Who is that?" Thor raised his hammer in defense.

"That, is Oliver Arbor."

"How did you know it was him?" Bruce walked over to check the man was okay.

"When I put my helmet on, it blocked out whatever he had been doing to my mind. Seemed Fury had some worries that something like this might have happened."

"Why didn't he tell us?" Thor lowered his hammer once Bruce had given the all clear.

"Well he's a mind reader for one. If Fury had have said anything he might have disabled it."

"Finally. I've been screaming at you all for the past hour!" Fury's voice came over their ear pieces, "The little mermaid had a few tricks up his sleeve."

"We're coming into land now." Natasha said from the pit.

"We've got a few thingamabobs to tire over our guest," Maria Hill interrupted continuing on Fury's Little Mermaid joke, "Some fancy handcuffs that'll stop him from getting into anyone's head for a long time."

The plane landed on the ground and on rushed the crew with the high tech cuffs. Arbor was detained and escorted off the plane as he drooled down his chin.

"Rogers is inside the facility Stark. He's asking questions." Fury spoke to Tony directly.

"Well, drop him off our path."

"We have a story."

"Gimme me."

"It's inevitable that he'll find Arbor. We'll tell him that he is Witmore and that due to his failed test he turned rogue and was the reason for Emily's death, which in some sense is true."

"Thaw it out a bit more."

"Already done."

"I'm escorting the doctors that are taking Coulson inside. They've put some kind of electronic bracelet around her and Arbor. Care to explain?"

"The device stops them using their abilities by emitting a high frequency soundwave. Arbors stuns him each time he attempts to enter another's head, Emily's can go on and off and will stun her as well by deafening her."

"So they're weapons?"

"More like precautions and a means of defence for ourselves. If the telepath got inside your head he could make you see the most traumatizing of images or relieve memories you'd thought you'd lost."

"Gotcha."

"You know how Barton was compromised?"

"How could I forget, he almost sent us falling out of the sky."

"Imagine that but ten times as worse and no hit to the head is going to knock you out of it... Oh Rogers is at the door, got to go." Fury signed out.

By now Tony had escorted Emily Coulson down underneath the high security levels of the rebuilt S.H.I.E.L.D base and was entering the final parts of the secure medical wing. Emily was moved from the portable hospital bed into a permanent one and Arbor was at the other end held inside his mind by shackles. All Tony had to do was work out the best way to break things to Emily, about 'Stanley' and about her condition and above all get her to divulge where Loki was hiding.

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**Authors Note: **So this is actually really tiny but I just didn't get around to uploading it. Trying to get back to my normal 2,000 word chapters just gotta work out the right way to do it. Next up CONFESSION TIME! Also it surprises me that no one cares about Emily's mummy... wink wink, nudge nudge. Future chapter reference, I think so.

_Lokilover2.0_: *really. And thanks a tonne! Your reading means a lot to me!

_cucumbersrockursocks_: You have no idea how much that makes me smile. I usually have a phenomenal problem with making mary-sue characters and this comment has brought a tear to my eye. FINALLY I HAVE SUCCEEDED! BAM! I will try to keep things interesting, but don't worry too much about Emily, things are just starting to get better.

_Arrows the Wolf_: AHHHHHHH! YES! A tumor. A nasty thing to impose on anyone but is vital to the storyline!

_Purplenurpl_: Wow, you got me clutching my heart here. I think I've been working on Emily for about five or six months now and I just get her. This is my longest fanfiction ever and I am amazed at how well it's turned out. I love every second I write it whether I write from Emily's POV, Tony's, Loki's, Steve's... whoops. Forget you read that. But thank you for all your support you marvelous, miraculous reader! Always enjoying reading your reviews.

_Honey-Bee128_: I hope you enjoyed this one! More crazy chapters to come!

Hey, finally, I don't usually do this stuff but if you aren't already subbed to my author alerts you won't know about my other fanfic I've just started called The Ward of Narnia: A Fletchers Daughter. Yes it is a Narnian fic and I know a lot of people aren't completely into it as a book series, heck only recently I just started liking the movies. But regardless of whether you've read the books or not it's an easy read and if you like my writing maybe you'll like this one. It would mean a heck of a lot if you could just pop on over and have a read, leave a review if you like it :)


	12. Brotherly Hugs

**Song: 'Goodbye Rose' by Sam Cushion (A Doctor Who inspired song.)**

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**Chapter Eleven**

I could smell the sweet waft of coffee fill my nostrils as I rolled over in my bed. I must have been in the hospital, at least I wasn't dead. I could smell flowers near my bedside, had Stan and Loki gone all out? Maybe I was really sick after all. My bed was firm and cold and I shivered wrapping my arms around me to warm myself. As I did I felt a strange cold metal bracelet on my wrist. Rubbing my eyes weakly I stared at the cuff, noticing it was like an electronic tag. Right then and there I knew I was not in the hospital. I sat up, albeit much to quickly, and jumped from underneath the covers. My head spinning I made my way to the door which was locked tightly. No matter, I'd just pull it from it's hinges. Sticking my hand out I readied to rip it from its place, but the moment I went to do so there was a deafening buzzing that caused my to fall to the floor and cover my ears.

"If you don't use your powers, the ringing will stop." said a familiar voice. The ringing stopped and I stood up to see Tony Stark, silently sipping a cup of coffee in the corner of the room. I must have missed him in my mad dash to escape. He stood up and pulled out a chair for me. I stood, frozen, as he gestured for me to sit. This wasn't right, this had to be my mind playing tricks on me. I was in Canada, not anywhere near the Avengers. I had made sure they couldn't find us, but there he was. Stark standing right in front of me, judging me as I reluctantly sat.

"You could imagine our surprise when we found you frolicking around in Canada with a wanted war criminal that killed your brother," he broke the silence with, "Most of us are still trying to get our heads around that."

"What do you want me to say," I stared at the ground.

"Nothing. Just listen," he said firmly, "I have had a lot of time to think about what to say to you. How to make you see reason, or for you to make me understand. But I think I owe you a little bit of truth, despite all the lies you've told."

"Does... Steve know." I interrupted him. I was looking at him now, there was a glimmer of hope in his eyes.

"After all this time? You still care about him?"

"I don't know what I care about. He's the one person that I've never spoken about this entire time. Thinking about him is too hard, but does he know?"

"No. As a team we decided to keep him out of the loop. He's been in a state ever since the attack. Didn't want to say anything that would hurt him even more." Stark explained, I nodded in approval.

"Emily... you're not here as a prisoner."

"Sure seems like it."

"You're sick...very sick." he pressed on carefully.

"I've got a few nose bleeds, I'll grow out of them. It's nothing."

"It's more serious than that."

"What do you mean?"

"You've...there's...there's a tumor. On your brain, it gets larger every time you use your abilities. That's why the cuff is on you, there's one on your brother too—," he tried to explain. I cut him off mid sentence and my throat went dry.

"Brother. But Phil... he's... He's alive?" I coughed out. Stark rubbed his forehead.

"There's a lot you don't understand. There was never just you and Phil," he pulled out a folder, I raised my brow, "His name is Oliver, Oliver Arbor and he's been parading around as Stanley Witmore for the past couple of months."

"What?" I dropped the folder he opened. Inside was a file, of a ginger who looked almost identical to me. He had the same eyes, the same smile, the same glimmer in his eyes.

"He's actually your un-identical twin brother. Like you he's got his DNA infused with the serum, which explains why he has telepathic abilities."

"Hold it. But Stanley?" I stuttered, "He had a secret to share with me. He told me he wanted to save my mother. He wanted to help me and I never understood why and now you're telling me that he's my brother that he didn't want to save my mother, he wanted to save 'ours'. That's why he threw me off when I came onto him, he knew all this time and couldn't say anything."

"Stanley Witmore died long ago, Mr. Arbor pretended to be him so that when he came to you during the Chitauri attack, you would see a familiar face and not be so afraid."

"What did you mean he had a cuff like me on?" I stopped him.

"He followed you when we tried to move you from the hospital in Toronto. We caught him and put the same device on him so that he can't use his abilities to escape."

"I want to see him."

"You can't—,"

"I _need _to see him."

"The medics haven't cleared you to leave this room?"

"I'll manage. Wheel me there if you have to. You can't drop a bomb on me like that and expect me not to want to see him."

"I don—,"

"Tony. Please."

They ended up letting me walk to his cell and inside sat a tiny curled up figure in the corner of the cell, arms crossed and in deep thought. He seemed so unfamiliar. This had been the man I had spent my last months with? Stanley Witmore had always appeared so strong and in control. He had always been the smarter one out of the two of us, but this... Oliver was so different. In a good way. Whereas Stanley had been the protector I saw Oliver as someone I had to protect.

"He's younger than you. Well by a couple of hours."

"I have a little brother?" I smiled, hand on the double sided glass. As if he could sense me his head shot up and he stared at the glass where I was. People had always said there was some sort of bond that twins shared that couldn't be explained.

I didn't hate Stanley... Oliver. Not at all and it was finally clear why I could trust him so early on, even though I didn't know him. He had found me and been there. He was afraid that if he told me the truth that I would be repulsed by him, but I could never. I just wish he had told me himself. He was there when I cried at Phil's funeral, at my dad's tombstone. Our Dad's. He always had a goofy smile when he made me feel better, and a smug little look whenever I scolded Loki. Looking back he did actually seem like a annoying little brother.

Knocking on the door out of habit, I swung it open and his head shot up. We stayed still for quite a while and Stark shut the door behind us. I didn't know what to say, how to express what I was feeling. He sat there in fear not knowing whether I was furious at him or not. But how could I be? I'd lost one brother and gained another, how could I be mad at that?

"Stan-...Oliver?" I called him, he stood up and smiled as he realised my intentions were not out of spite.

"Em," he paced closer. I had a flashback. It was like so long ago, when Phil was alive, when we stood face to face at the warehouses. When everyone wanted to shoot me down, and he was the only one that didn't. When I was re-united with him after his disappearance for so long. This was playing out so familiar, as we both crossed the room and embraced in a hug. My little brother, Oliver.

"Why didn't you say anything?" I asked still hugging him.

"I didn't know whether the time was right." he said, his voice was different. It was smaller; he was smaller. My height, rather than towering over me. I was reasonably short so 'Stanley' was probably normal height. But Oliver only just inched over me.

"I was afraid that you might turn against me." he spoke.

"Why would I do that? Didn't you know that I needed family?"

"I didn't know you need 'me'." he gestured to his scrawny little self.

"Look at you. Looks like you got the wrong end of the stick, your hair is practically of fire." I ruffled his hair.

"Hey! I happen to quite like my red hair."

"As a fellow ginger... well strawberry blonde... there's no judgement."

"Sometimes I regret making you dye it. Will you ever change it back?"

"If I get the time..." I said referring to my sickness, as a joke, though Oliver took it very seriously.

"They're gonna take good care of you. They'll fix you."

"That's what I'm afraid of."

"You don't want to get better?"

"It's not that. It's being back here, well with _them_. I tried so hard to put them in my past... to put _him_ back in my past and now I'm here they think I'm some big bad guy. They don't understand that there was nothing they could've done. I had to leave, I couldn't be a hero like them. I'm a coward and being evil is the easy way out. Doing wrong is so much easier than doing good."

"You don't need to tell me that." he smiled.

"And then there's Loki..." I trailed off, looking towards to glass, knowing that Stark was listening. I lowered my voice and continued, "I don't know how I feel about him. Everything is going so fast and I can't work out what we are. I think I can trust him, I think I can call him a friend and then he goes and completely freaks out when I started to get sick and it looses me. You have a clue?"

"I stopped going in his head a long time ago. But his personality, everything that makes him... well Loki... is different. I think being near you, being with someone that understood helped him."

"You think I'm turning him into one of the good guys!" I laughed, Stanley... I mean Oliver remained firm.

"I think you're the only one that could bring him back."

"I'm flattered. But he's still got a long way to go and I don't want to turn him into an all 'Asgardian Hero'!"

"Speaking of heroes..."

"Nope. We're not going there." I stopped Oliver before he could start. He was going to ask about..._him_... and I couldn't go there.

"When are you going to open up about him?"

"Stop it."

"You can't pretend he never happened. I can tell how much he meant, means to you, even without mind-reading."

"It hurts to talk about him. Please."

"No. You can't tip-toe around him. We're here now. The Avengers caught us, and he's practically the leader, heck he's _the Captain._"

"Oliver. You don't understand what I feel everyday. I have this pain in the bottom of my gut, all the time. It hurts to breathe half of the time and that's not just the tumor. Not a day goes past when I don't think about him, when I don't regret what I've done. I.. love him, and I'm young and foolish and I probably don't even know what the meaning of love is, but for me it's real. Two weeks knowing him was enough. I see his face over and over again, like watching a home video. The way he looked at me, when he thought I was dying and the same look at the funeral, it's on constant replay. I was the cause of such pain. I couldn't be the one for him. I spent all this time trying to prove that I'm right, that my actions for revenge were justified. But ever since I knew the truth about Loki, about whose fault Phil's death was, I can't pretend anymore. And it's not just him I feel terrible pain for, it's the exact same with Phil. I wake up each day and forget that it ever happened, I go to call where he is and then everything rushes back. Then there's this...us and despite whether you were my brother or not, I had fallen in love with you. Not in a completely romantic way, but as in I would lay my life on the line to save yours, and Loki's. You two are there for me, you understand me. I feel broken without the two of you by my side."

"The motley crew." Oliver snickered.

"Ollie and Lok's, the two people out there that genuinely care and know deep down how pathetic and frightened I really am. I'm not the same person I was a year ago. I don't know whether I'm stronger, I just know that I hurt more. These abilities of mine have only brought about death and destruction and now they're bringing mine." I began to break down, "Ollie... I'm going to die and I know it."

"Hey, come here." he wrapped his arms around me again. I loved the feel of a brotherly hug, I always had. They managed to make me feel warm and safe and loved. They made me feel like everything was going to be alright, even though the world was crumbling around us.

"I'm afraid. I don't want to die, not for real anyway." I tried to joke but ended up a soggy mess.

"If I have any say in it, you're not going to die. I promise you this." he whispered faintly.

No one came to get me. They couldn't tear us apart. So in his cell we sat, as brother and sister vowing to protect one another. To be by each other's side, and to sort out this terrible mess we both agreed we'd created together. That was the day I began my plight for retribution, a long winded, timely plan. But with Ollie by my side I could do anything. If only Loki hadn't decided to crash the party.

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**Authors Note: **'Ello dude's and dudettes. Just another friendly thanks here from me, you guys are really supportive and fuel this story! Next stop on Emily's whirlwind adventure, Shanghai! God... looking back this chapter is basically five pages worth of talking, effort and a half... Onto the reviews

_Purplenurpl_: I should probably stop with all the spoilers... I tend to get a bit over the top and excited when I post new chapters. I will _try_ to cut down, try being the key word there! Loki is coming back soon :) Darn... sorry with the spoilers


	13. Looking Up

******Song: "Brooks was Here" by Thomas Newman (The Shawshank Redemption Soundtrack)**

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**Chapter Twelve.**

Tony came in shortly after, claiming I needed rest. I knew better. He feared us together, we were dangerous. There was still so much I wanted to ask him. How he escaped, where he had been all these years, what was our mother like, why was I the only one that could help him save her... Where is Loki?

"Can I see him again?" I asked Tony as he escorted me back to my wing.

"You really don't get it, do you?" he stopped me.

"Get wha—," I asked.

"For a 'genius' you really are thick. He's under arrest, for aiding a war criminal and so are you."

"So I am your prisoner?"

"You know as well as I do that I, we all... don't have another choice. You brought this upon yourself." he was fuming. I looked at the ground and ignored him.

"Will you let me speak to him again?" I pestered. Tony rolled his eyes and walked ahead, "You hate me." I said quietly, but just loud enough to make Tony stop in his place and drop his head.

"I get it. I was the one that was in the wrong. I abandoned you. I betrayed you. So naturally you didn't think to look any deeper, pointed a finger and blamed me. I suppose that that win in New York went to all of your heads."

"How is this our fault?" he asked, back at normal level but his famous sarcastic tone taking precedence.

"I never said that. But each and everyone of you, Oliver told me, the way that you looked at me. The way you spoke about me. It was in disgust. Not a single one of you even questioned my motives."

"Revenge? Wasn't that it. You wanted to make Loki pay. You refused to let anyone else in and in the end you shut out the only people that ever cared."

"It was never about just revenge, Stark you of all people should understand. After all the people that have ever come after you, I've read the papers, revenge is never an honest motive. No, it's power or maybe respect, even wealth. When I agreed to the plan, that the Avengers are now taking as the biggest lie I could have ever possibly concocted, it wasn't just because I wanted to avenge my brothers death. You have no idea what it's like to have people look down on you, because you're a freak. You've got a suit, you can take it off, hide it away, be normal. When you enter a room you demand respect without even uttering a word. I wanted that. I wanted people to know never to cross me. That I was dangerous. If you messed with me, you'd be begging for death—," I explained.

"And then you fell in love with him." Tony cut me off, that statement put me in my place. I shot him a glance instantly and furrowed my brow. I tried to think of something to say but the words wouldn't come to me. By _him_ Tony obviously meant Loki, but how could he possibly draw that conclusion? I wanted to deny it, in all honesty I did understand my heart at all, but Loki? I didn't _love_ Loki. It wasn't like that. To fall in love you had to have a crush on someone. You had to wonder in every waking hour how to go about it, how to tell them. I didn't have a crush on Loki, not at all. I had a tremendous amount of fun when I was around him, but love?

I began to shake my head after what must have been a minute of silence.

"I... I. I don't love Loki." I tried to say sternly, but my voice was tiny and unconvincing.

"Really? You could have fooled me." he finally turned to face me, scowling and laughing under his breath, "Do you know the real reason why we never told Steve? It wasn't to protect him from all of the heinous acts you've committed. That he could have handled. It was the clips of security footage of you with Loki Laufeyson. I don't absolutely love Rogers, but even I know how cut I would be if Pepper ran off with someone like Stane."

"But I don't love him. I couldn't." I stuttered again.

"If that's what you tell yourself to sleep easier at night then sure. But don't try and lie to me. I can see through it like glass."

"Take me back to my cell." I bit my gum, "I'd rather sit staring at a wall for the rest of my life than have to deal with your false assumptions."

"My pleasure." he replied and nodded at the guards.

I was taken off, rather roughly and dumped back in a new place. Not the medical wing they had me in before, my own private hell hole, complete with open toilet and padded walls. I slumped onto one of the walls and closed my eyes. With a deep sigh, I let out my stress. What Stark said got under my skin, he knew how to manipulate me and I didn't like it. He had Ollie and whenever he brought up Steve or Loki he had a hold over me. I dared not think about the tumor, I had no thoughts on that.

I could just stare at a wall, leaning against it's opposite and dreaming with my eyes awake. Dreaming of being another person, far away from superheroes and villains. Far away from meta-human abilities and mythological Gods. Just a simple twenty year old, soul searching and partying and worrying about doing well in college. Not having to deal with... well everything possible in the realm of fantasy. It wasn't until I felt the tear fall to my hand that I realised I had been crying.

There was no one to blame but myself, but despite that, no where to go but up. They say once in your life you'll reach an all time low; A point where things seem like they'll never get better and it's at these times when you make your comeback. Was this time now? Things had gone wrong, I had made wrong decisions, hurt the people I loved... killed them. But if I was going to die, couldn't I go out with a smile. With a renewed sense of purpose. What if I could just be ordinary. Have ordinary problems.

"Knock, knock." said someone at the door. I shot my head up to see Nick Fury, entering through the door and smiling cheekily. I partly scowled and turned to face the wall.

"What have you been plotting? You've been in here for three hours and not said a single word."

"Thinking actually. About being normal."

"Enlighten me..."

"Do you miss him?" my train of thought jumped.

"...Yeah," he rubbed his bald head, "There's times when I go to assign people to the next mission and I've almost slipped out his name several times."

"I'm half afraid I'll call Oliver his name now." I was whimpering again, "Is there a reversal?"

"For what?"

"The tumor... my powers...time!"

"None so far."

"I thought as much." I half laughed.

"We're doing our best."

"Why bother? No one cares, you can take that impression right from Stark."

"Self-loathing, huh?"

"Denial."

"Been there done that." he sat on my bed, "I've done some things in my past that I wasn't proud of. Made some tough decisions. Lost soldiers. But you rise up, as long as you have friends by your side. Friends ready to help."

"Is that your way of telling me to let them in?"

"Just a suggestion. I've known you since you were a baby, admittedly not under the perfect circumstances, but I know who you are. You're the girl that keeps fighting, the one that rises up from the ashes and dyes their hair back to their normal colour instead of parading around as a brunette. It doesn't suit you." he pulled out a box of hair dye from his inner pocket, "Fix yourself up, you've got work to do."

So after I was allowed to have access to the bathroom I took Fury's advice. I had a proper shower after what felt like ages. I touched a razor again and took care of the forest growing from my legs and then finally changed my hair back. Admittedly it was a tad redder than before, must have been Fury's idea of a joke.

I was escorted back to my room and got to bed. I had a lot more thinking to do and a lot of time to make up. Things were indeed looking up

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**Authors Note:** Hey so really big delay between the last chapter and this one and honestly it was just that I lost my creative buzz for this story. I've been putting a lot of time and energy into my other Narnia fic and thats been driving me mental. I was over in Fiji for a week too. Forgive my lateness, I hope this chapter suffices. Reviews:

_Guest_: No problem what so ever, if you forgive my lateness on this chapter we'll call it even. Hahaha, I love Sam Cushions work. His Rose/Doctor song is enchanting. Did chapter 12 make you cry?

_Purplenurpl_: Hahaha, no he's not. I just didn't want to promote incest, he needed something to ward crazy Emily off with. I'm glad you enjoyed the big bomb!


	14. It's Not Your Decision

**Song: 'The Rueful Fate of Donna Noble' by Murray Gold and the BBC National Orchestra of Wales (Doctor Who: Series 3-Original Television Soundtrack)**

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**Chapter Thirteen.**

"Wake up sleepy head!" Fury called, as my door swung wide open.

"Urghhh... it's too early." I moaned and covered my face with a pillow.

"Emily," his tone became serious, "You need to get up."

"What's wrong?" I replied sensing the danger in his voice.

"One of the doctors on the medical team... think they have found a solution to the get rid of the tumor without killing you." he explained. I sat straight up and stared at his silently for a moment.

"Okay, I'll be quick." I nodded and quickly tied my hair out of the way and walked on.

Waiting for me in a lab was Tony, Natasha, Clint, Bruce and Ollie surrounded by a bucket load of guards. I brushed past them all and went to Ollie's side, hugging him tightly.

"What did they find?" I whispered.

"Something that'll fix you." he whispered back. Bruce walked up to me and gestured to the stool beside us. He had a folder in his hands and the same solemn look that everyone else in the room shared. They knew that whatever this solution was, it would come at a cost. He handed the folder to me and I opened it. There were MRI scans and a bucket load of other statistics in my vitals. I looked at them nodding, understanding what they meant.

"The tumor sits over the part of your brain that stores memory. We checked your blood for the healing properties it holds but it appears it's not in your blood. Your brain is able to heal itself, only this healing ability can't heal tumor and makes it larger instead, every time you use your powers. If we remove it, your brain will be able to create new tissue over the injured part.

I started to shake my head and sighed. This procedure would work, even if they took out one section of my brain it would still grow back. That wasn't the issue. The issue that they all understood was far more than physical.

"So no matter what I'll heal. But at a cost." I spoke, the doctors looked away from me. Banner dropped eye contact, "If you do damage the memory section... I lose Phil. Forever."

"But—," Clint went to speak.

"No. All I have are my memories. What if I wake up and I don't remember anything. How could I possibly never remember him. He's the one thing that will always remain constant. No, I'm not going through with it."

"If you don't take the chance you'll die." Ollie yelled at me, his eyes were red and burning with frustration.

"Ollie. It's all I have left of him."

"There is no other way. No other life saving procedure. This is the ultimatum." Fury re-enforced.

"I'm not going down without a fight. I'll find something else. There is always another way." I said, "Take me back to my cell."

"Unfortunately by the time you find another way it'll be too late. The rate it's growing, you've got two to three months. This meeting wasn't to give you a choice." Tony said, dropping his head. My eyes shot wide open and I stared at Ollie.

"I'm sorry Emily, it's the only way." he dropped his eyes too. I jumped backwards as the guards left Ollie's side and advanced for me.

"You can't do this! Stop, wait!" I shouted as they backed me into a corner. I kept trying to use my powers to push them away from me. I hadn't noticed, but all the while Natasha had stalked behind me and as I pushed up against the wall, I instead felt her with needle filled with some potent sleeping drugs. Jabbed into me as I shied away. I wriggled and squirmed as they held me down but slowly I couldn't fight it. I could never stop it.

I finally felt the most terrified I had in a long time. Adrenaline rushing through my veins in a losing battle to stay awake. If I went off to sleep I just knew their calculations were wrong, and each and every one of them in their twisted sense of right and wrong thought that this would save me. If they could only know how entirely wrong they would be.

Phil, was the one person that kept me in check, the reason why my plans never went through. Why I could never really kill Loki. The reason why I could accept Oliver so easily. The reason why I fell so hard for Steve and had never forgotten. He was the rock that kept me tied down to my humanity. The thing that made me laugh and cry and forget that there was ever an evil in the world.

That was why I was so incredibly afraid. To lose him, the only thing that I had left was memories. What would I become without them. There would be no doubt that my new self would be furious once and when I found how they went about saving me. There would be no stopping her wrath. She wouldn't know that love that stopped her from killing the people around her, she would just be angry and retaliate with hate. She wouldn't have learnt the hard lessons that I had to get to this place. This terribly wonderful place where I couldn't decide between right and wrong that made life that much better.

She would be a fatal mistake, one that would end in disaster, pain and death. An Emily built of wrath and fury... Not Panic... she would be Unfaze. The secret part of me that I had forced down deep inside and trapped under layers of remorse and hatred and love...?

But there was nothing I could do. I was slipping away as the seconds ticked by and looking back into Oliver's eyes I whispered out one word.

"Unfaze." and he knew. For he had been in my mind, he had seen her. The side of me that everyone wanted to hide, that made children run and hide. In that split second he didn't need to be inside my head, he understood my every fear. Oliver, knew what was coming and he knew to be deathly afraid.

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**Authors Note:** Well another chapter down, hmmm I hope everything isn't going too fast paced. I feel like I need another slower chapter just to calm things down a bit. Maybe soon, definitely not next. Although, next time we have a lovely Loki chapter. Enjoy!


	15. Fine, I Give In!

**Song: "Dream of a Normal Death" by ****by Murray Gold and the BBC National Orchestra of Wales (Doctor Who: Series 3-Original Television Soundtrack)**

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**Chapter Fourteen - LOKI'S POV.**

Loki had been plotting for days. Stanley's ring had dropped out a week ago but Emily's necklace was still signaling. They were in the rebuilt S.H.I.E.L.D complex and now Loki was standing right out the front of it, concealing himself from them. He was wearing the clothes that Emily and he had taken, rather than the word 'stolen'. The GPS was in his hand and staring down onto the screen he worked out she was on the move, going towards one of the operating rooms. He had to get there before they did.

He had walked past the guards out the front of the building and straight on through, concealing himself from everyone. He was following the GPS device when suddenly it started beeping and an arrow appeared on the screen and pointed to a door on his left. He didn't know what it was but nervously opened the door. He didn't know what to expect and became increasingly wary. The door was locked but with a simple wave of his hand it unlocked and inside he went. This room just so happened to house an array of weapons, notably one that resembled his scepter that Emily had told him Thor had taken back to Asgard. In fact... it was the very scepter! With a devilish smile he picked it up in his hand and was on his way again.

Passing agents on the stairs and down to the medical wing. He stood at a cross road, scepter in hand as the GPS lost battery. It's final signal dashed around and then cut out. He couldn't work out where it last was.

"Darn it." he threw it at the wall in anger. How was he going to find her now?

As if answering his prayer, Captain Rogers came running at top speed down the hallway and stood in front of Loki at the same crossing. He was panting, and for him to be panting he must have run a far way.

"What way? Where is she?" he spoke to himself. He looked at the map on the wall beside him and took another deep breath running again. Loki's eyes shot wide open as he opted to follow the soldier. Gosh he was fast, and keeping up with him was an effort and a half. Effort though that was well worth it, when he stopped in front of an operation room; room 463. The room that Emily had been headed for. Rogers smashed down the door and inside was Fury, the Black Widow and a medical team.

"What are you doing. Stop. I demand it!" he shouted walking through the watching room into the operating section where Emily was being prepped for surgery.

"He knows?!" Widow shouted at Fury.

"It's this or she dies Rogers." Fury said, "Everyone voted on it."

"But she didn't vote. Stop!" and back and forth the insults flew as Loki casually brushed past them. The doctors in the room had stopped and were staring mindlessly at her vitals, secretly eavesdropping to the fight in the other room. Loki had his chance and in that moment he rose his scepter and shot down the first doctor, sending him flying through the wall. Fury, Rogers and Widow looked up as more and more of the surgeons were knocked to the ground in blue blasts.

Loki turned to them and revealed himself, smiling as he shot a large blast towards them. The room they were in crumpled around them and over to the table Emily was laying on he went. He looked at her gently, her face was pale and her skin was hot at the touch. He scooped her unconscious body up in his arms and closed his eyes, readying to teleport away to where ever he could.

Before he could go anywhere, in rushed the rest of the Avengers. Hawkeye, Banner, Stark and his brother. They all stood mouths wide open as he raised his scepter underneath himself and fired at them, never intending to hit. They ducked for cover and off Loki went, the two of them disappearing.

Teleportation was never a constant thing, especially when Loki tried to teleport himself. He got dizzy when he felt the ground materialize under his feet. He struggled to stand, but held his own. He was back in the warehouse and quickly placed Emily on the spare bed in the other room. He went to fetch her a wet towel to dab her forehead when he hand shot up in the air and grabbed his wrist. Coughing and spluttering she sat up and stared uneasily at him.

"Loki?" she said through another cough.

"Hello there." he smiled back.

"I'm dead aren't I? They killed me doing the procedure. Are you like my spirit guide into the next life or something? Why you though? is this like my inner subconscious's idea of a joke? Because it's not funny, in fact it's... well not really that much of a surprise. Oh wait no, I've got it. They haven't operated yet and this is just me hallucinating on the drugs. So if I just so happened to... slap you!" she started laughing crazy and whacked Loki hard across the face.

"That would be incorrect and you actually just slapped me." he held her arms down.

"Oh..." she started to go red in the face, "Sorry."

"Just don't go testing your theories of reality on my again, agreed?" Loki rubbed his face a bit, she turned and put her feet on the ground.

"What happened?" her voice changed it's tone, it was soft and nervous.

"I'm not entirely sure. I know that Witmore gave me a tracking system device and he placed a signal inside your necklace. I planned to come and get you, to take you away from the Avengers. Then the next thing I know I'm lost inside their base when Rogers runs through panicking like a little child. Mumbling something about 'finding her' so I followed him and he led me straight to you."

"No, what really happened Loki?" she didn't believe him,"Where's Ollie? Was he in on the plan too, I mean he sure convinced me."

"Ollie? Who's that?"

"Long story. But tell me the truth, what actually happened. One second I remember everyone swarming me forcing me to get some 'life saving procedure' and then the next I'm here."

"I am telling the truth."

"You? Saved me and the Captain just so conveniently show up looking for me when he still thinks I'm dead."

"I heard Widow going off at Fury when the Soldier waltzed in breaking the door down. I don't think anyone knew that he knew."

"I'm still trying to wrap my head around the part where you came back for me?" she caught him out. Loki went silent and went to fetch the damp towel.

"Loki!" she called and stormed behind him.

"Yes?" he tried to play it innocent.

"Answer me. Why did you come for me? Why didn't you just leave me and run. No one would have found you, Oliver and I never would have said a word."

"Who's Oliver?!" Loki dumped the towel in her hands.

"He lied to us all." she said ambiguously, "It was Stan, Oliver is Stanley. Stanley is Oliver. I didn't even know what he looked like but Loki, Oliver is my brother."

"Repeat?!"

"I have a twin brother, an un-identical twin to be exact."

"And you're just fine with that?"

"He was afraid to tell me. He was trying to find a way to say it but he's nervous."

"You're insane!"

"You're crazy for coming back for me."

"You just won't drop that will you."

"Never, not until you give in."

"Then it appears we have reached a stalemate." Loki sighed. He didn't want to admit why he came back for her. It wasn't entirely logical or sane, but it was honest. He went to speak when she cut him off.

"They were trying to do what was best for me. There's a tumor, I've got a tumor Loki. If I don't get rid of it I've got a few more months to live. I didn't want it though."

"Why?" Loki was confused.

"It came at a cost. If they stopped the tumor there was a high chance that they would damage the part of my brain that the tumor sat on; the part of my brain that controls memory."

"You would lose him." Loki finished her sentence. Him referring to Phil.

"I couldn't do that. As much as I wanted to forget before, he makes me who I am. He shaped me, the good and the bad memories. Take them away and I was afraid of what I would become, especially since they took away my choice." she smiled and patted her forehead with the damp towel, "Loki you didn't just take me away. You saved me."

Loki was freaking out now. He was alone with this girl. He knew so much, but yet as he stood before her he knew so very little. Their minds worked like one, he could understand the way she thought, but it confused him as much as his own did.

"Rest." He told her. But his mind was elsewhere. He wanted to run, he didn't want to be her knight in shining armour. He didn't want that responsibility. He was a God and he didn't want to be tied down by petty favours to this human girl. He could just run away right now and leave her behind. She'd be dead in a couple of months, right? He could just let her fend for herself. She was free again.

"Loki? Is something wrong." her voice broke him from his trance. He shook his head and turned away. Her hand caught his shoulder and he roughly brushed it off.

"You can tell me." she pressed.

"Can you just stop." he didn't turn to face her and his tone wasn't distinctly angry, "I didn't save you. I just... I don't know why I came back. I should have let you have the procedure. Then you would have just forgotten about me too. Neither of us would have to worry about what the other was thinking. I wouldn't have an annoying pest like you in my head all the time because 'you know me'."

"You know exactly why you came back."

"Stop it! Why do you need to hear me to say it out loud. Can we not just leave it unsaid? Can we not go back to hating one another?"

"How it worked out for you and Thor?" she said harshly.

"There you go again!"

"Loki, why are you running? There is nothing to be afraid of."

"It's you. You make me angry and frustrated. You ask too many questions and have never understood the the concept of censorship."

"Then why are you still here?"

"Fine! You win. Emily Coulson. You're my friend. I'm not used to having a friend and I don't like to announce it to the world. In some sick way I was able to forget about how you tortured me just like you got over the fact that it was my face that killed your brother. It's not what anyone would call normal but that's what it is. I came back for you Emily because you're my first proper friend and I've never had a proper one before."

And then they stood there, silent. Loki was panting as his confession had been shouted out in one breath. Emily smiled back at him and walked over slowly. They were an arm's distance apart and suddenly she hugged him. Tightly around the middle and for a moment Loki didn't know what to do. He just stared awkwardly down at her and then slowly patted her on the back as if that was the right gesture.

"Loki Laufeyson. I am forever in your debt." she whispered and he finally smiled too, "Now, mind helping me get this cuff off my wrist?"

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**Authors Note: **Hey everyone, I'm on a bit of a creative high right now, though that said I've probably just jinxed myself. I really really want your guys opnion on this chapter so if you have a spare second just leave a quick review. Next chapter is our down time one. Back to Emily's perspective.

_Purplenurpi_: Haha, your replies always make me giggle with delight! I hope I'm not crushing you too much!

I think I might get a beta too, I tend not to edit an awfully lot when I finish a chapter which is REALLY not good. I'll have a look into it, if anyone's interested or knows a really good beta contact me.


	16. We Stand And Fall Together

**Song: "The End" by Hans Zimmer - The Dark Knight Rises (Original Motion Picture Soundtrack)**

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**Chapter Fifteen**

"Now hold still and don't even flinch." Loki was standing across the room with his scepter pointed me.

"I'm not exactly going to move!" I had my eyes shut tightly and was holding my breath.

"It might tickle just a little, but it'll do the job."

"Are you sure we can't just find another way to get it off?"

"We already tried, now stay still."

"What if you sever my hand off!" I flinched again and pulled my hand close into my chest.

"Stop being such a child. I'm not going to hurt you."

"Fine... do it quickly." I held my hand out reluctantly. As fast as lightning, before I had the chance to flinch, Loki shot a tiny blast out that hit the cuff around my wrist. It made a dying noise as the blast destroyed all of it's functions, causing it to unlock and fall to the ground in a smoking mess. In a delayed reaction, I screamed loudly and pulled my hand back in.

"I'm sorry, are you alright?!" Loki panicked that he might have hurt me and rushed to my side.

"I'm fine, just a natural reaction when my wrist is getting shot at." I laughed rubbing the area where the cuff had been. Loki sighed too and inspected it for any damage before giving me the heads up.

"So... we've got three months to party. Avengers free. What are we going to do?" I tried to loosen up Loki, failing miserably.

"Do you think death is funny?"

"It's better to have a funny outlook on it rather than being a crumbly mess all of the time."

"Well said, although I was never one for humor at the expense of another's life."

"Stop dragging down the mood. Look I'll be fine."

"Fine... Fine! You keep saying that you'll be fine."

"What, would you prefer me to say? That I'm spiffy indeed old chap?"

"You don't have to pretend in front of me." Loki laughed lightly.

"I don't do it for you." I said with a slightly harsh tone, but nothing so harsh to offend him.

"I just worry. You know—."

"—being friends and all." we said in unison.

"Loki, enjoy things in the moment! No need to always rain on my parade."

"Then why don't we take off where we left off before?"

"Where was that?"

"Plotting the demise of the council of course!"

"Can't we just play a game of tennis like normal people do to relax?"

"What was ever normal about either of us!"

"True. I have an idea then. Since you're in a pestering mood and want to be all concerned about my wellbeing, which admittedly I'm still trying to not completely freak out at, why don't we get to know each other better."

"What's to know?" he tried to halt the conversation.

"Come on! Never played a game of twenty questions?"

"Not exactly and I don't plan on starting now." he rolled his eyes, groaning at the proposal.

"Too bad. I'll start. What is your favourite colour?"

"Really?" he gestured to his outfit that was dominantly green.

"Just play along!" I tugged on his arm, trying to challenge him.

"My favourite colour is green." he replied in a monotone voice. Well, at least he responded

"Now you ask me a question."

"Which council member do you hate the most?"

"Loki! Not questions like that," I nagged him, "Questions to learn about one another. Like... what's your favourite sport, where'd you grow up? That sort of stuff."

"Sorry, I didn't realise there was a criteria to follow..." Loki shrugged and relaxed on the ground, "Hmmm... how about, what is your favourite food?"

"I don't have just one favourite. That's a hard one to pick. If I narrow it down to my top three I would have to say homemade lasagna, butter chicken and chocolate cheesecake!"

"Can you cook any of them?" Loki was beginning to get into the game.

"If you count getting the cheesecake out of a packet 'cooking'... then yes. Although my dad did have a secret recipe for the lasagna, I should make it some time. The recipe is engraved in my head and that was before I had powers. How 'bout you, what's your favourite?"

"Human or Asgardian?" he replied cheekily.

"Out of both."

"You can't tease me over this but I'm particularly fond of a nice piping cup of hot chocolate."

"No way! So you don't eat bull testicles or something, being a mighty God and all!" I laughed, rolling onto the floor beside him.

"I said you can't use it against me." he pouted a tiny bit, "But you're getting me confused with Thor's friend Volstagg. He would eat anything and everything. Animal testicles, I can safely say I don't fancy any of them."

"That makes two of us. Okay my turn." I was still trying to get the image of bull testicles deep fried on a plate out of my head, "What's your favourite childhood memory?"

"It was only a matter of time before you went there, wasn't it?" he smiled weakly, I nodded eagerly.

"My favourite childhood memory was when it was just Thor and I, before he grew up and met Sif and the Warriors Three. When it was just us against the universe." his face had grown solemn and he was in deep thought.

"Do you miss him?" I whispered so not to disrupt him, too much.

"It's my turn to ask the questions. But first you have to answer the same question, that's how it goes right?"

"Yes, smart-arse."

"So... what was yours? Your favourite memory."

"A thanksgiving dinner when I was five, I thought I had forgotten it, but it's still there. Dad had come home from 'work' and his wife had come home surprisingly deciding not to be pissed off her face to make us all a proper dinner, turkey and all—,"

"You call her 'his wife'. Why don't you call her your mother?" Loki asked in the middle of the conversation.

"She was never motherlike. She was always off drinking or smoking and only showed up when Dad was around. Besides as it turns out she was never even my biological mother. I suppose when Dad died and she walked out on us I just pretended that they died together, it was hard to accept the fact that she never cared."

"Did you ever look for her?"

"No, but I knew Phil kept tabs on her. You know what I never thought about until now, that makes my hatred for her worse? She never showed up to Phil's funeral. Her own son died and she didn't even want to say goodbye."

"Well at least he never knew."

"So... yeah. I miss having the whole nuclear family thing. It was nice occasionally to just smile and be pretend that everything was alright. That for one night of my life things were perfect."

"Most people would think you're insanely wrong in the head." Loki said out of the blue.

"Thanks? I guess..."

"You're welcome," he chuckled lightly, "I meant to say that I get it. It's not entirely repressed hate or twisted childhood pasts that makes us the way we are. But they're important. People forget that while they've been living things up in the lap of luxury that you and I were secretly suffering."

"I don't know why you didn't consider becoming a poet!" I laughed, he frowned a little. With a big yawn and a giant stretch I could feel sleep approaching, "I'm tired."

"Me too." Loki confessed.

"There's blankets around this place." I got up and found some hidden in a cupboard, we'd snatched these off someones clothesline, Oliver and I. That felt like a world away!

"Here you go," I handed one to Loki, "Follow me."

I walked outside, wrapping my blanket around myself, and shivering a tad.

"Here, take mine." Loki offered his blanket, I shook my head politely.

"Just the initial shock. I'm fine." I tucked my blanket tighter as my gaze caught the stars, "Where is it?" I asked Loki as we walked along the side of the dusty rail road track.

"Asgard? Well if you look out, just over there—," he pointed off into the night sky, "See that little dot. That's it."

"You must feel worlds away from home."

"Physically yes. But, as you Midgardians say, home is where the heart is."

"Midgardians?" I mocked him, "Actually I quite like that. It makes us sound regal and very proper." I put on his accent.

"Understandably, it's a step up from mortals or the ants underneath my boot." he quipped.

"Hey! Watch it buddy, I'd like you see you try to step on me again, wasn't so pretty last time."

"That was only because I was meaning to get caught."

"Pardon?" I stopped walking, he turned back around, caught off guard, "What did you just say?"

"Nothing, never mind." he tried to keep walking, I stood still, "Emily, come on. Let's go back now."

"Loki, what do you mean you wanted to get caught?"

"I meant nothing, just having a laugh with you, okay!"

"No it didn't. You had no other way to get back there." I pointed out to the stars, "Is that why you made a deal with the Chitauri? You were hoping to get caught in the end and get your brother to take you back, but you got caught up in the thick of it all." I said as Loki's eyes flicked everywhere but my gaze.

"There are matters that you don't understand, human." he raised his voice.

"Yeah, there certainly are when you start referring to me as an animal. What have you gotten yourself into?"

"If I failed... he was going to come after me. I had planned to go back but it didn't matter where I hid, he would find me." Loki started to pace back and forth, suddenly ripping the blanket off of himself and throwing it angrily to the ground. I edged closer, slowly. I reached out my hand and put it gently on his shoulder, he brushed it off and stormed away, leaving me by myself in the cold.

I couldn't judge him. For a while now I couldn't fault him or Oliver. As if it was more of a punishment, this whole time I hadn't told Loki the seriousness of my condition. He knew that I had a short amount of time to live, but I never told him that it would grow shorter every time I used my powers.

Standing here, enjoying one another's company, I had lied to him again. I should have said something beforehand, but he was enjoying himself too much and I didn't want to disturb that. I had been shielding our boundaries, nothing had been able to walk within a mile of us for the entire evening. I would send them flying backwards if they came any closer, but now I hand no strength left. My head was starting to pound and my vision was blurry again. I felt my nose and indeed it was bleeding. I my feet started to fumble and I could feel myself toppling over again.

Loki, who was only a couple of meters ahead, whipped his head around as I landed on the ground. Instantly he jumped out of his rage and ran back to my side, worry covering his face. In the distance I could hear them... I could hear Tony Stark's suit inching it's way forward, Thor's lightning, the Hulk's heavy stomps as he ran, the Quinjet, closing in around us. The Avengers were here, and there was no means of escape.

"What's happening?" Loki held me up, I was still conscious.

"I lied to you Loki. I didn't tell you what would happen if I used my powers with this tumor."

"Oh no," his voice cracked at the end, he knew what I meant.

"They've been circling us for the past hour or so, there must have been a tracking device in that cuff. I stopped them from getting close, but I can't do it anymore. Run Loki, run. They won't get us both. I can't allow it."

"I'm not going anywhere. If they want you, they're going to have to go through me first." he put his hand out to the side and his scepter re-appeared. He put my head gently down as the Avengers closed in from all sides.

I remembered a moment similar to this. When I was in the midst of the Battle of New York and the Avengers stood back to back as the Chitauri's circled. United as one. My vision wasn't so bad now, and slowly I got to my feet. There Loki and I stood, back to back as Thor, Stark, Hulk and the rest of the team of the Quinjet cornered us north, south, east and west.

"Let them try to take us." Loki had reached down and was holding my hand in his all the while his heart beat never elevating.

And in a second, as if they Avengers had it planned, a short sharp burst of ear piercing noise came from the Quinjet. My body tensed up and I could feel Loki's hand tense too. I couldn't move, I couldn't fight. The Avengers all had little blue things sitting in their ears, earplugs. Without any chance of winning, Loki tried to fight off the paralysis, as we both fell to our knees. He crawled over next to me and held his scepter in the air, daring them to come closer. But with another sharp refrain, neither of us could fight it.

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**Author's Note: **Ahhh! This chapter took forever to write. I couldn't get the dialogue between Loki and Emily right for a really long time and then I decided mid way through writing the chapter to start another fic for Doctor Who which has been draining me as well as my Narnia fic and also I'm taking part in this years National Novel Writing Month with an aim to write 50,000 words in a month! So busy with my writing, not to mention I'm still in school. So soorrrrry for the lateness of this chapter, again I can't promise to have a constant output but I'll try my best. The REVIEWS:

_cyn4675_: Yes! I love my Loki. Spoilers... I can't promise we'll see him around for too much longer. Just sayin.


	17. Beauty and the Beast

**Song: "Would You Date Me" by Henry Jackman (X-Men - First Class (Original Motion Picture Soundtrack)**

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**Chapter Sixteen**

It was blatantly obvious that the amount of times I had passed out, I could not count on my fingers. For someone supposedly so powerful and dangerous I had the habit of blacking out at really important moments. If you asked me, I could do without the drama.

I could feel myself tied down and I twisted and wriggled at the restraints. I wouldn't go down without a fight.

"Emily. Calm down. CALM DOWN!" I could feel strong hands pin down my shoulders and a warm breath pant in frustration, as I did calm and sigh. It was useless to fight and it was pointless to try and think that they hadn't already put one of the cuffs back on me, I could feel that sitting on my arm too. What I surpassed, they saw as dangerous. Maybe all my fainting wasn't too noticeable.

I opened one eye and grunted, above me stood Banner who was multitasking between me and my vitals.

"Can we please do without the shackles and chains?" my little voice groaned.

"It's for your own safety," he tried to explain.

"Everything these days seem to be."

"Yeah well count yourself lucky, if it were up to the higher powers, you'd be dead along with the mischief maker."

"What?" I tried to sit up... still tied down.

"They want you dead. You aided a war criminal. It's taken everything in Fury's power to stop them from sending one of their best assassins after you. They would have killed Laufeyson but well no one seems to be in the mood to step in Thor's way."

"Odinson." I corrected him.

"Yeah, Thor. That's what I said."

"No... Loki's last name is Odinson. He's still part of their family, he's still Odin's son."

"Yeah... okay." Bruce mumbled and started attaching another cuff to my other hand.

"What are you doing?"

"Upgrades. I'm allowed to untie you if you've got two of these cuff things on at once."

"What do they do?"

"If you leave your cell you'll get a lovely zap up your arms."

"So you've caged me." he had began to take off the arm and feet holders. I sat up and rubbed my wrists.

"Where'd they take Loki?" I said straight out.

"It doesn't matter to you, you're not allowed anywhere near him."

Suddenly I lunged out at him, knocking him to the ground and punching him quickly in the jaw. Fresh blood came from it.

"Tell me where he is!" I shouted.

"Okay... okay! That's enough!" the door to my cell slid open and in came Clint and Natasha who pulled me off of Bruce and helped him out of the room.

"You need to seriously pull yourself together. This is crazy!" Clint pinned me to the wall.

"Oh, would everyone stop saying things like that!"

"Are you afraid to admit the truth?" he accused.

"None of you understand anything! Just leave me alone because I'm dangerous, deranged and dying, and trust me it's not a good combination."

"Clint..." Natasha called at him as he got mad at me, gripping hard to my arms, "She wants to be alone, then it's alone she'll get."

He let go, taking a few steps and scowled. I dropped my gaze.

"What happened to you?" he asked rhetorically, turning to follow Natasha who was walking out of the cell.

"Wait..." I said softly, "Don't go." he turned back.

"What good would it do? There's nothing I can do that's going to change your mind."

"Enlighten me." I made eye contact again and gulped. Clint nodded and Natasha warily left him.

"I know that Phil's gone and I know you have a right to be mad. But as agents they train us not to get too emotional about death, how did you go so far off the rails?"

"Ha...For one, I'm a female, so that makes me naturally angsty about death," I laughed a little, "But he wasn't just another agent that I lost on assignment. He was my brother and the only family I had that cared about me."

"See! It's that kind of thinking that got you there in the first place. Didn't you ever stop and take a look around, at all the other people around you that cared?"

"No... I didn't." I admitted, "I can try and rub it off onto the fact that I wasn't mature enough to realise it, but I don't like to let people in too much. Most people that love me, leave me. So I try to distance myself so that when something bad happens I'm prepared. I let my guard down with Phil and I've never been the same."

"I still don't understand the whole Loki thing though. I mean... come one Em!" he scratched the back of his head and chuckled nervously.

"Please don't tell me that Stark has you convinced that we're an 'item'." Clint went silent, "We're just friends, that's all. Just _friends_."

"Why be friends with a psycho like him?" Clint was pushing the boundaries.

"He's not crazy. He's as insane as I am, and from my point of view I'm perfectly normal."

"Emily, he _murdered_ your brother and killing thousands of people! That's not sane!"

"Look, if you're going to turn this into a Loki bashing gossip session you can get out," he went quiet, "If you're ready to listen to what I want, why I've done what I've done, then leave him alone. You don't understand him, you can't relate to him."

"So is that it then? You can relate to a murdering psychopath." I shot him a look, "...I just can't understand it."

"It's because he didn't kill Phil," I paused thinking whether or not I should tell him, "I did."

"What?"

"I killed Phil."

"I repeat... what?"

"It was an accident, I didn't mean for it to happen."

"What did you do?" Clint walked forward threateningly, his tone was loud and frightening.

"Stop!" I shouted at him and pushed him back, "I was mad at him, okay?! Oliver had been trying to find me and he was trying to get inside my head to help me understand who he was... I... I intercepted him and I was so mad at Phil for lying to me that I was thinking about what would happen if I just killed him, then something went wrong and then Loki got involved."

"I don't understand."

"For a split second, I thought pushed. It was to the wrong person at the wrong time. Loki never intended to kill Phil, it was me that planted the idea in his head, me that killed him. It was all this terrible accident."

"Did Loki tell you this?" Clint pressed forward as I paced back and forth around the room.

"No, Oliver did."

"So you just forgot that despite the fact that it was 'your' fault, Loki was the face to the crime. You made up and became buddy buddy?"

"You don't know what we did to him, I couldn't just keep punishing him."

"You should have come back, you should have tried to fix things before they got this bad Emily! Because despite how much you want to push the whole 'we're just friends' it was pretty clear last night thanks to you _friends_ actions that he thinks a lot more of your friendship."

"No he doesn't." I shouted back.

"How can you be so blind!" Clint shouted again, we were almost face to face.

"How can you be so pig-headed!"

"Loki Laufeyson is in love with you. Or he's infatuated at the least. He was like a puppy protecting his owner. There was six of us against him, because you were clearly out, and he stood there ready to fight us all off just to make sure we wouldn't get to you!"

"His last name is ODINSON and he's not interested in me like that for the final time!"

"What did you do to him? Why did you have to repay him?"

"We tortured him Clint, because that's what I'm good at. Torturing people, finding their weakness and exploiting it. Just like I exploited Phil when I told him that I hated him, just like I exploited Steve and you and the rest of the Avengers! Wanna know the worst part, the part that all of you skimmed over, bar Thor? The fact that he's still got a shred of sanity in him. Clint we tied him up to a chair for a month and made him watch his brother die over and over again, never being able to help him. Then he tried to kill himself, because despite the tough exterior that he shows to the world, he could never kill his brother willingly. And that's how my brain works Clint! That's why I'm just as deranged as him!" I screamed and pushed him into the wall. He didn't reply.

"GET OUT!" I screamed louder and the door slid open and he left as fast as he could.

I walked slowly over near my bed, grasping my head and slinking into the corner between the wall and my bed end. I felt like I could cry my eyes out but I knew they were watching so I just curled into a little ball and tried my hardest not to let anything out.

URGHH! Loki wasn't interested in me in that way, why couldn't they see that? We were never ever like that, we could never be. I'm sure Loki knew that, besides I was human, I was 'lesser' than him; at least in his eyes. I didn't know why I had to keep trying to re-assure myself of this, I knew it but there was always a tiny feeling of the 'what if'. What if I was wrong and _theoretically_ Clint was right. What would that mean for us, because I couldn't get that close to him. I still found it hard to let people in and as well as Loki and I knew one another, to let someone get that close again would be hard. Clint's words definitely struck home. Let's say I was able to get over my tendency to push people away Clint was right, he was still the face to the crime. I couldn't look at him in a loving way without seeing Phil in a pool of blood, it felt like an insult to his memory.

I had my mind made up. Even if Loki...had _feelings_ (which he didn't) Loki and I would never, could never be like that. Friends would just have to suffice. Loyal friends.

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**Authors Note: **Hey there I know, excuses about being really slow at uploading, I've just tried to work little by little! School is over-running my life. Its okay though, only one week left then its over and I have dec/jan/feb holidays. *Sigh of relief*. Also I was a bit put off and considered canning this story all together after I got left a pretty nasty comment last time. But I went back and read all of your fantastic reviews and pushed it aside and kept writing for my true followers. I have to say without your kind comments over the course of Panic and Remake Me I wouldn't have been able to get where I am now. I thank you guys so much for being there for me and making this experience all worth it!

_Cartlin_: Okay wow... you want to know something really blatant. I had this little essay that I had wrote up in response to your review about how opinions differ and how to have proper internet etiquette. I even had some ramblings in there about how you might have been a hidden troll but I decided to ditch it. Sure everyone's entitled to their own opinions and I'm pretty good at taking criticism, but your comment really got to me. Not only did you read one chapter and then proceed to leave a comment to bully me but you, the coward that you, did it on anonymous. I can't tolerate you're kind, your lucky i'm not some suicidal teenager, because could you imagine as you sit behind your computer screen and go around and insult everyones pride and joy that you push one person off the edge. Heck, Emily Coulson is not perfect and I don't intend for her to be and I'm sweet with that. But as cheesy as it is, If you don't have anything nice to say, DON'T SAY IT!

_Guest_: If this chapter is any indication... HECK YEAH!

_Honey-Bee128_: Haha, it's nice for her to have someone besides Oliver to talk to! But all this angst is going to destroy me! Happy chapters coming soon.

_Purplenurpl_: I'm not saying anything, but we are about to reach the halfway point in this story!

Loads of thanks to the three nice reviewers, you each made me smile that second longer and trust my instincts again. I love you all, even those of you that don't always review. You are treasured and beautiful!


	18. The Soldier Returns

**Song Per Chapter: n/a**

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**Chapter Seventeen**

The more and more I thought of it, the worse I felt. I was definitely tired and worn out, this sickness of mine was taking it's course. After the amount of energy I used to delay the Avengers from reaching Loki and I, back in Canada, I had lost at least a month or two from my lifespan. That meant, if my math was correct, I had about a month before I was a goner. Great...

I had alienated my once loyal friends and been drawn away from the friends that I did have now. I hadn't even given a thought about what Oliver was up to, whether they locked him back up or if maybe he escaped or got set free. There was a world of possibilities. It was safe to say that I was still really annoyed at him. His intentions were good, in fact all of them had honestly wanted to help me, but it was wrong to force me into something like that, no matter how much I once loved them. They all knew that too, but facing the truth is much harder than taking the easy option out.

Every time I saw their faces, I had mixed emotions. I could see their disappointment; their deep feeling of betrayal. Sometimes if I could catch them sigh with relief and even laugh at me, seeing a flicker of what I used to be when I was only months younger. I missed that.

"I'm sorry for lashing out." I said to no one in particular; one of them would be watching the security tapes, "I suppose I don't like it when people attack my friends." I paused.

"I know that everything I've done is wrong, so you can drop that narcissistic scolding Tony. I'm a head-case, what can I say?! Bruce, I'm sorry for hitting you. Clint, I'm sorry for shouting. I'm angry and I'm lonely. It's childish, but sometimes I wish we were children again so we could kiss and make up and move on. Can you let me talk to someone... anyone? How bout' Fury and his sarcastic motivational speeches? Nope... okay."

"Will I do?" said a voice from my door, as it slid open and two feet plodded inside. I must make it known, that at this point I had not been facing the cell door, nor did I have to to tell who was standing in the archway. I just stood up and froze.

"Hey there." the voice said happily, I could hear their cheeks rise and their mouth form a smile. Or should I say him?

"Not you... anyone but you." I whispered under my breath.

"I'm here." he said to remind me this wasn't a dream.

"They said you didn't know. You were supposed to think I was dead and move on with your life."

"They thought I didn't. I worked it out for myself."

"So are you here to make me feel more guilty, or taking up the offer of kissing and making up." I tried to lighten the mood.

"I'm not sure. I have a lot of time to think about what I would say to you. Now the time's here and I'm just as speechless as you... will you look at me?" he said, I shook my head.

"If I turn around, then there's no going back."

"Going back?"

"I can't pretend that you lived a happier life thinking I was dead."

"Neither can I pretend that you're the same girl that I once knew... Emily."

"I've tried to forget you—,"

"As have I."

"—I've... I didn't want you to ever know. I didn't want to say to your face that love wasn't powerful enough to overcome revenge."

"I didn't want to accept that you could be dying."

"That I am dying... soon."

He reached out and paced his hand in my own, intertwining his fingers in mine. He stepped closer so that I could feel him breathing on the back of my neck. It was quiet, but just loud enough to hear.

"Look at me Em." he begged. I placed my other hand over the top of his and slowly turned around to face this man in the eyes. They were red raw; as if he had lost lots of sleep for obvious reasons. Our hands were holding the others and each of us were observing the other's condition. How tired they were, how they were holding up, whether they still cared about the other.

"Steve..." I whispered still trying to piece together the puzzle that was Captain Rogers, "Do you hate me?"

"I'm mad at you. You're not going to be easily forgiven. But no, I could never hate you."

"I'm sorry," I started to tear up, "I was selfish, I was an idiot. There were so many other choices I could have taken and despite everything, you're still here. Why?"

"Because I don't give up so easily on the people I care about. Everyone is worth a chance at redemption." he let go one hand and reached to my face to brush away a tear. He was getting watery himself.

"There's so much I want to tell you. So much I need to explain... but just to you and not being recorded. But first I think I need to give a proper reasoning to all of you. All of the Avengers, all of S.H.I.E.L.D. They need to know why things happened the way they did. Because they know snippets here and there, they know that I messed up. They've heard little bits and pieces from me but they need to whole story."

"I agree, although... we've been alone this whole time. No one's heard a word." Steve stepped closer, lowering his voice jokingly, "They trust you a bit more than you like to believe."

"Thank you." I whispered softly, stepping closer to him. I let go of his hands and wrapped mine around him, reaching up and stroking the back of his neck so that we were centimeters away. He placed his arms similarly around me and squeezed tightly. I could smell his familiar scent, I felt his muscles in his arms tighten and release as he took each breath. I was so caught up in his presence that when Steve spoke again, I was caught off guard.

"Emily... Something's happened to Oliver." Steve whispered gently. I stopped and pulled away to understand what information he was giving me.

"What do you mean something happened?"

"When Loki broke you out, there was an accident." he held my shoulders firmly, "There was an explosion that killed the power grid for ten minutes. Some of the high security prisoners got out and used your brother as a hostage. They've disappeared, along with Oliver. He still had the cuff attached to his arm, he has no powers. We fear... they might not need to keep him around much longer if they're on the run."

"What are you saying?"

"S.H.I.E.L.D's put their best agents on it, they're scouring the continent for them."

"But Ollie could be dead?"

"Do you want the truth." Steve gripped tighter.

"No more lies."

"It's very possible."

"We should be on the task!"

"You're too sick to be out on the field. Rest. I'll see what I can do." he pulled away.

"Steve." I stopped him, "Promise you'll do all you can. I can't loose another brother. I can't."

"I will do everything in my power. If I personally have to lead the rescue squad, I'll be there."

"Oh, and Steve, it's nice to see your face again."

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**Authors note:** So after my long Christmas break finally got around to posting this. It was actually finished back in december but the hecticness (is that even a word?) of Christmas and New Years kind of killed me. Santa was good to me, I got a butt load of DOCTOR WHO merch, heaps of clothes and MONEY :) Sorrrrrry for the delay, I'm getting worse and worse at updating, but hey NEW YEARS RESOLUTIONS ;) So enjoy and don't forget to review, I always respond!

_Purplenurpl_: We still have to get back Oliver and find Emily's mum. But also (which is coming soon) is going to be some very saddening farewells. Get the kleenex ready!

_guineamania_: Thank you very much, it means a lot when people say that to me :) I kind of see them as on the verge of something (Em and Loki) but neither of them are sure what it is. There's a lot of denying it out of fear and also because they have certain morals that they can't quite shake. Loki still feels like he is a god and is therefore above mortals and Emily still pictures Loki as Phil's murderer. Together they make quite an interesting couple.

_cyn4675_: YES! I needed her to kind of suck it up and move on with it, her mindset that she was innocent wasn't being understood by the others. They kind of saw it as a simple good vs. evil thing. They weren't seeing deeper, seeing that the lines between both were blurred and that Emily was just as confused and guilty as the rest of them. It's a good building point to try and get their friendship up to where it was.


	19. The Verdict

******Song Per Chapter: n/a**

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**Chapter Eighteen**

I had a lot of thinking to do that night. About what I was going to say in my defense and how I was going to rationalize my argument. When I tried to lift my bias and place myself in the middle of it all, it made my decisions that much easy to make.

First off, I couldn't go on protecting Loki as much as I had. The council wanted to serve justice upon him for other crimes. Without my influence, he was responsible for many unnecessary deaths that occurred. This perhaps was the hardest conclusion to come to. I did care about him, but I imagined those families of the dead (both human and chitauri alike) and the fact that they were left with nothing. The chitauri bodies would have been burnt to dispose of them and the human dead were disintegrated into ash at the pull of an alien gun trigger. I had very much experienced the position of the families left behind and it seemed fair that he served his justice for that, despite our connections.

Secondly, there was the sincere explanation (but not apology) I had to provide to the team. I didn't do it to spite any of them, but I was a lot more naive. I thought that they would simply mourn and move on, like I had always been taught to. I underestimated how much I meant to each and every single one of them, as a lover, a competitor, a friend, a sibling figure; as the baby of the team the one that no one should have never taken eyes off. I understood that it wasn't the right way to go about dealing with the situation, but I never regretted the decision (except the part where I broke Steve's heart) but I wouldn't give up meeting Oliver and befriending Loki for the world.

Thirdly I didn't want to die in a prison cell. I put on a brave face and pretended that it didn't matter, but in all honesty, I thought it pathetic to spend your final days in a place where the colour palette wanted to make me die days before.

I hadn't dreamt in a while, not since that terrible night that could have changed the way I thought about Loki. Tonight things were looking better. I know that last time I thought that I ended up strapped to a table about to loose all my memories of Phil I ever had, but tonight _was_ different. For one, Steve was back in my life and I didn't know whether it was for the better, but I'd hoped it was.

I remembered when I first kidnapped Loki I dreamt of Steve constantly and I would wake up sweating and in a teary mess. Then there were others where I dreamt of what our lives would have been like if i never got involved with Oliver or Loki. Whether Steve and I would have had a more permanent relationship. There was even a dream I had of us getting married, but for so long that was only a dream and I couldn't fathom it as reality.

So I slept and my dreams drew me on a path that seemed so real, that my heart was breaking to be a part of it.

I was back in the warehouse in Toronto with Oliver, it had appeared that Loki had escaped shortly after we had revived him and Tony had found the two of us hiding out. He flew in from above, smashing the skylight and standing in front of me shocked. I wasn't sick in fact I felt stronger than ever. There was a flash of light and we were face to face, time had passed and both of us were bloodied and battered, Oliver lay in the corner cradling his arm.

"You're an Avenger! Whether you want to face it or not Emily!" Ton shouted angrily, I had never seen him like this, "So was it really worth it, doing all this to Loki? Did it make you feel better, stronger? Did it help you forget how guilty you really are?"

"Worth it?"

"The backlash! The people that are going to come after you. Loki is going to come after you. He's not going to do what you did to him, he's just going to kill you. For real."

"I don't need a scolding. You don't get to tell me what to do anymore, turn a blind eye and leave it alone."

"Emily. You faked your own _death_! To get revenge on Loki and now you've gotten yourself in a giant mess! I can't leave it alone. I'm calling them in on this."

"You dare call any one of them and you'll regret you were born Stark."

"I think you mean if I call a certain someone." I froze in my spot and was overcome with a wave of emotion. They were coming and there was nothing I could do. I was going to have to face them, face each and everyone of them. I didn't know if I could do that.

Then I awoke, I was sweaty again and just like my dream-self feared, judgement day was here. I showered and put on my dreary hospital clothes again, hanging my necklace out, as there was a knock on the door.

"You ready?" Steve came in as I was pulling my hair back into a ponytail at the bottom of my neck. I nodded and followed as he lead the way, two guards standing behind me in case I decided to run. I had no intention of doing so, but it was a necessary precaution, I could understand that.

"Do you have any idea how much my stomach is knotting up right now," I half laughed to break the silence. Steve stopped and turned around to me concerned,

"Are you feeling alright? They told me to watch—," he was fussing.

"No, I meant that I'm nervous. I'm fine, promise."

"Just through there then," he stepped forward and pushed a door open for me, I smiled and continued through.

Everyone sat around a table, thumbs twiddling and complete silence in the air. Fury stood at the head of the table, looking out a window. When I walked in, all heads turned and everyone straightened right up in their seats.

"I see everyone got the memo to arrive here before me." Steve pulled my chair out to sit on, "Thank you." I mouthed and he went to take his seat.

"Trust me, we were all very surprised when Rogers left the room with your demands to set up a meeting too." Stark still had his feet up on the table and was refusing to make eye contact with me.

"I want to make it clear I'm not here to make excuses but I'm not here to make apologies either." I started, "I was never dead. I lied about that. I lied not because I thought you would get in the way or that I secretly hated you all. It wasn't even because I was working with Loki. I'm an agent, I'm a soldier and when you're like me you get taught from day one not to get emotional about deaths. Don't go seeking revenge, don't cry when you loose a partner. In general you have to have nerves of steel. Then Phil died, it wasn't Loki's fault, it wasn't Oliver's fault, heck it wasn't even mine. His death was purely accidental in all respects.

"But a day out from learning my brother was dead, we went off to fight who I thought was his killer. I thought Loki and I had a connection, I thought that we shared a bond because we had been through similar experiences and when I thought he betrayed this and killed my only family I had left. I wanted not to destroy him, I wanted him to suffer my pain. I didn't see the other family that was standing by my side." I stopped and looked around at each other them. Fury, Tony, Bruce, Clint, Natasha, Thor and Steve.

"I know this now that I should have thought but I didn't. But I don't regret it, because then I met 'Stanley Witmore' who promised me to help me seek my revenge and on top of that help me find my birth mother and I couldn't say no and he turned out to be my little brother. I wasn't full of hate when I was around him because I had family again. Then I spoke to Loki and listened to everything he had to say. I found out the truth about Phil's death and he was innocent. The three of us were fugitives on the run with only each others company and we bonded, all of us. We were able to put aside each persons dreadful past and just see each other without judgement."

"I still don't get the whole you an Loki thing. I mean he's a dick and you're you. You're nothing alike." Clint threw in, shot him a look.

"On the contrary..." I laughed, "Kidnapping him and befriending him was far better than the alternative. There was a point during the Battle of New York where I was going to kill Thor instead."

"Wait pardon?" Thor looked confused, "What did I do?"

"You never apologized." I said simply, everyone was befuddled, "I had a stupid grudge, from when you went crazy and kidnapped Loki on the plane. We didn't know I could heal then and I could have died."

"But you didn't." Tony added.

"That wasn't the main reason at all," I shook my head and laughed a little to myself, "I can't believe you don't see it Thor! You don't have to be a super genius to figure it out that he doesn't entirely hate you. When we kidnapped him we tortured him, we made him watch you die and each time there was nothing he could do to the point where he wanted to kill himself. Because he doesn't disown his family, he disowns himself. He thinks that he's the mistake and he lashed out in a serious messed up way."

"What are we supposed to do with that?" Tony stood up, he wasn't buying any of it, "Are we just supposed to pat him on the back and send him home to mummy? For all we know your brother could have done some mind tricks and the 'friendship' you so happily boast about could all be factory produced in that messed up brain."

"Well isn't he better off that way?" I stood up and shouted back, dizzying myself a little.

"I don't know. It was so much easier when everyones roles were defined, when there was no middle." he sat back in his hair and ran his fingers through his hair in frustration.

"Things would have been easier if I remained dead." I mumbled, Steve heard and shook his head.

"None of us really think that." he stared down Tony.

"I had a dream last night," I said, "And you know what, I think I always knew deep down you'd find us. I got sloppy, in fact at times I think I might have even wanted to be found. But Tony you were there and you were shouting at me. '_You're an Avenger! Whether you want to face it or not!'_ you were shouting at me. And in this dream you were right and Loki had escaped and he was going to kill me for what I did to him and I was so terrified that I was going to have to face each and everyone of you, but I'm here and I'm doing it because I want to fix things. I don't want to fight with you anymore, because this time when I die I don't want any regrets. I don't want to be on my dying bed and wish that I had have just told Tony he was right, or that I appreciated everything Clint did for me, or that told Bruce I was wrong to hit him, or... or... that I really didn't mean to hurt any of you."

"I forgave you a long time ago." Tony stopped sitting in his frustration and honestly looked me in the eyes, "I just wanted to understand. Because I thought there was something I could have done, that I should have done and I didn't. To be honest, we can't just blame you for everything. We could have been a closer team, we could have been prepared for Loki. We never should have let Phil try to stop him." Tony's eyes were red.

We sat like that, opening up to one another, for an hour or so. There were a lot of tears shed and a lot of heart felt apologies. It felt like we were all children again, it felt like old times. I found myself getting up on numerous occasions and hugging everyone of them. Hugging Tony was _almost_ like hugging Phil, Tony hadn't always been there but he knew how I felt. He was the one that didn't parade around telling me crap, he never had. He gave the truth to me sweet and simply and I needed that. Natasha had been my hero long before we were ever team mates and hugging her was like a huge relief off my chest. She understood why I did the things I did, because she had been _bad_ once also. She knew it's temptation. Bruce, I didn't hug, instead I gently patted him on the nose from where I had punched him. He understood. Clint was terrible, I mean a huge ball of mess, everywhere...

"God I don't usually do heart to hearts but man I love you Em." he was crying like a huge baby and grabbed me by the waist and squeezed the life out of me. Thor wasn't particularly the hugging type but I could tell from his eyes just how thankful he was.

"You made him better." he nodded.

The most surprising of all was the fact that Steve hadn't shed a tear the entire time and when I came round to him, lucky last, without words both of us didn't near one another. There were no hugs or tears between us quite yet, bar last night. We still had our heart to heart on the timetable.

Suddenly, Maria Hill came rushing in.

"The council's on call, they're waiting to speak to you all." she didn't sound like it was a good thing. Fury turned back from his window he'd been starring out of. She walked over to the screen that was opposite the table and pressed something, then four silhouettes appeared on the screen.

"Director Fury, have you informed Miss Coulson of the hearing?" an English sounding woman spoke.

"Who are you?" Tony sounded skeptical.

"The World Security Council." Fury turned to face everyone in the room.

"What hearing?" I asked.

"Yours." Fury replied, his voice resonated around the as everyone fell silent.

"You will come in front of the council and your punishment will be decided."

"Wait hold on, I'm not going in front of anyone, especially some blurred out people who's corporation doesn't exist." I shouted back.

"You are faced with crimes of concealing a war criminal, Miss Coulson. That is treason from where we're standing and like all you will be tried and a verdict reached." an American sounding man added.

"And as for the criminal, you do have him in your custody do you not?" they questioned Fury, "We wouldn't want a repeat of last time."

"Yes I do have the sorry ass jerk in my custody." Fury rolled his eyes.

"We have agreed to let the one known as Thor take him back to await their law system."

"His name is Loki and when do propose this is going to happen?" I walked out of my seat to stand directly in front of them with my arms crossed.

"The same time and date of your hearing. We don't want either of you to get any ideas."

"What?" my mouth hung open.

"Your hearing is a week from today. Fury, organize a lawyer." the woman spoke down to Fury in a condescending manner and then the screen went to black.

The worse part of the whole thing was when I turned around to try and convince Fury he just turned back to look out the window.

"My hands are tied."

"Let me see him then." I pleaded. My special trio was falling apart.

"I can't even let you into his cell." Fury said simply and left the room. I could tell he wasn't happy about anything the council had said.

They were going to take him away and I wouldn't get to say goodbye. My whole fear about dying and never letting people know the truth about how I felt was coming true. I'd been able to fix things with my team but to one of my closest friends I'd never be able to say a simple, Thank you.

That terrified me more than anything.

* * *

**Authors Note: **Just for clarification,** once 'Remake Me' is finished there will be no threequel. **I don't plan to pull this story back with the storylines of Avengers round two. Emily Coulson is her own AU now... which feels really weird but really cool! I have so many other projects I want to get started on but it will be amazing once this is done. I will not rush this. I'm not got to rush the ending, although I should make it known I planned the ending when I started writing Panic, early last year. Trust me it's all heartwarming and I thinking it's a fitting end to our story. I might leave it open for a threequel if you guys beg for it but I'm not promising. When Remake me is done I'll put up a poll.

_music4life6661_: Yay! I really hope you enjoyed this one. It's always cool when new readers join in my story. The Panic/Remake Me story has almost taken up a year of my life now, which is crazy. It makes me really feel like my work is appreciated when I can still pull in readers after so long.

_Purplenurpl_: IT TOOK ME FOREVER to get out of my slump. But I'm back (better than ever?) and I'm ready to get Remake Me finished. Ahhh... I think we might only have... guessing... maybe six chapters to go and we're done. Maybe less. I'll see how I feel. I could actually go crazy and make another ten. We'll see. But it'll probably be finished in two/three months or so. If school, doesn't destroy me.


	20. A Trial and Departure

**AUTHORS NOTE:**

**I'm going to do the authors note up here because at the bottom of this chapter I'd just like to let things sink in without me interrupting. This is perhaps the most crucial chapter since back in Panic when Phil died. I honestly found myself tearing up while writing this but I'll let you read it to understand why. I'd say enjoy but it's not exactly an enjoyable chapter.**

Song Per Chapter: 'Rise' by Hans Zimmer

* * *

**Chapter Nineteen**

The week passed so quickly I barely had a chance to comprehend it was going to happen, that when they came knocking on my door to ready me for my hearing, I was close to tears. Fury came with Maria, the rest of the Avengers went to see Loki off with Thor, but they were certainly not as sad as I was to see him go. I had pestered Steve to make sure he gave him a letter that I wrote. I wasn't allowed to speak to him, not even once, the council was petrified the two of us had something planned. So my letter detailing everything I had wanted to say to him, was hidden neatly inside Steve's pocket to slip to Loki before he left. It still didn't make anything alright.

They made me get a dress and 'spiffy' up for the sentencing, to be honest I looked like I was going to another funeral. I hoped I wouldn't have to wear this ugly thing when I was dead. We were accompanied by half a dozen guards and as procedure they had to handcuff me. This was way too sketchy for my liking. I mean, who gave the Council the right to make these judgement calls and why did they suddenly want anything to do with me? They should have been worrying more about actual world security issues like the rise of terrorism or government corruption (that said they were more likely to be corrupt themselves).

No, I would not take orders from some faceless corporation that wanted to stop me from saying a simple goodbye. I was not going to a hearing and that was final. The only issue was the six guards, Hill and Fury that were escorting me. I had to get the cuff (that blocked my powers) off. There was no dodging that. I couldn't get out of this mess, note in handcuffs, without my abilities. It was literally impossible. I was tiny and I could not take out eight highly trained assassins otherwise despite my S.H.I.E.L.D training.

"Wait can we please just stop for a second." I feigned being sick, "Can I just sit down. I feel sick."

Maria came to my side and helped me just sit on the floor for a while.

"Get her some water." Maria said. I nodded as one of the guards went off to fetch me a drink.

"I'm so sorry. I don't mean to make anyone late. It's just the tumor takes it's toll. I can only stand up for so long." I was holding my head up by resting my elbows on my knees. Maria got to her feet again as I just sat there for a few moments trying to 'regain my composure'. It wasn't too far from the truth, I did often feel sick and get dizzy from standing, it's just I never saw the point in complaining about it. I chose this path, I didn't want the surgery so it was stupid for me to complain when things got tough. Regardless, I had bigger issues at hand. How was I going to get the freaking cuff off? I could only think of one solution, bash it so hard against the wall it would break.

While my active abilities were far from for lack of a better term, active, I was not exactly useless. I could pinpoint the weakest part of the cuff and under the guise that I was 'sick' started to examine it my holding my stomach, head still hung over. It was near the joints that it would break, I didn't even need to take it off I just had to damage the circuits so that it's transmission would stop. So that if I attempted at using my powers, the cuff wouldn't give me a headache worse than the tumor. The guard came running back with water and i shook my head and got to my feet.

"Are you sure you're alright?" Maria asked.

"Yes, I'm fine." I nodded falsely, and for a split second she saw it in my eyes. She could see that something was up. Before she had a chance to react I quickly smashed my wrist (on the cuff's joint) into the solid walls of the complex. There was a popping sound and a spark, then the little light that said whether the cuff was online or not, went out. I was free! The guards attempted to restrain me but I sent them all backwards and tore the handcuffs off with a glance. Maria and Fury had pulled guns which I ripped from their hands, Fury started to shout into his radio which I broke too.

"All I wanted was to say goodbye. Had you granted me that, this would have been so much easier." I said and pushed them to ground, running past them. They were awake, I didn't want to hurt them, but they couldn't move.

"It wasn't our decision to make." Fury called.

"I know. But I have to say goodbye. He's my... I can't believe I'm going to say this... he's my _best friend_. He's everything I could have been, and I'm everything he wants to be. We need each other, we make each other better."

"Then go and tell him that, stop wasting time telling me that." Fury said, stuck to the ground. I nodded at him and released him from my grip.

I had to get out of here, as much as Fury was okay with me running off to bid my farewells, the Council would have other things in mind. I couldn't miss him, I just couldn't. They were over in an air field on the other side of the base, a wide open area that Thor could call Heimdall to open to rebuilt Rainbow Bridge. There was only one way I could think of that would get me there quick enough. The roof.

I was running, so fast, the fastest I had ever gone. Climbing the stairwell to the roof of the building we were in. I didn't care how many stairs there were, how many levels. I just kept going. I smashed the door off it's hinges and stood looking out over the base, able to see the air field off in the distance. I was going to fly there.

I had never been able to properly fly, the one skill I could never master. I always over thought things, or got too mad. I didn't need to be focused, I didn't need to concentrate. I just had to use my heart, instead of my head. I wanted to go to Loki, it meant more than anything in the world. I stood up on the edge of the building and looked down below as people began to notice. My hands outstretched and I closed my eyes. I could hear it, could hear his heart beating. He was scared.

My feet went from under me and I didn't care about falling. I just knew that it would work, I didn't need to trust in anything or anyone but myself and my sheer determination. I felt wind rush through my hair, not downwards but coming from in front of me, pushing my hair behind as I moved. I opened my eyes. I was _flying_.

"Here I come Loki." I whispered. It was happening, there was no revenge to push me to reach my goals. There was no anger. I finally understood how my powers worked. Maybe once they were fueled by fear, by _panic_, even once I though rage made me powerful but it was far from that. _Love_. I loved Loki, not in the way I loved Steve, but in our own individual way. We were one and the same, the two sides of the same coin. Loki Odinson was everything that fixed me and I was everything that healed him. We restored each others faith in the world. We didn't have to be monsters all alone and by ourselves. We were roses, blossoming roses, that had only just begun to flower. While we had thorny stems, there was only beauty ahead of us. We were not going to be clipped down before we reached our primes, to wither away into nothing.

I could see them ahead of me. All of them; Loki and Thor smack bang in the middle. And he could see me. I saw his head hung in sadness, chained again as Thor raised Mjolnir above him and lightning lit up the sky.

"Heimdall, open the gates." he shouted. Loki had looked up to see one last glimpse of Midgard when I saw his eyes catch on me. I tried to speed up, if I could build up more speed I could grab him from around the waist and drag him out of the portal.

"Loki!" I shouted and I could see his face light up.

I tried to go faster, I did, and the seconds were ticking down as I neared him. There was more lightning just as I was flying straight into where Loki was standing, my arms outstretched. I was going to make it, I was going to be able to say my goodbyes. I arms caught hold of him and I could feel myself pulling him down to the ground with me. But fate had determined something else.

With a crack of thunder and lightning, I was blinded and deafened as the person I felt in my arms disappeared. I lay there for a second, trying to work out my surroundings, trying to come to terms with what was going on around me. There was buzzing and shouting, the incident had knocked everyone to their feet and they were all groaning. I opened my eyes and felt my head, I had hit the ground pretty hard.

"Loki?" I said, my voice was quiet as I eagerly waited for a response. I was looking around to see were my friend was. The grass wasn't that tall that it would block my view of him. I was becoming more frantic by the minute getting to my feet and scanning the forest that lay beyond the air field. My eyes were bulging, my throat had gone dry as I looked down in my hand and saw an envelope tightly in my fist.

"No...no... no..." I began, my voice was trembling and I couldn't stand. I collapsed into the grass, onto my knees and couldn't control the tears that were flowing from my eyes. I couldn't hear anything that was going on, I couldn't hear myself cry. I wasn't just crying, I was screaming. There was a mixture of disbelief and calling his name... his _name... Loki_. I felt someone come and sit down beside me. This felt so familiar. Steve just wrapped his arms around me and I didn't even flinch. I didn't look at him, I didn't move. I just kept staring down at the letter, all crumbled in my fingers, tears falling onto it. I began to hyperventilate, I couldn't breathe.

"They're all gone." I just kept screaming, "I've lost them all."

"Emily, look at me." Steve moved and knelt in-front of me, grabbing me by the shoulders, "You couldn't stop this." I just sat there shaking my head.

"He's gone and I didn't get to tell him anything. He doesn't even have the letter," I ripped it up in front of me and got to my feet. I threw it at the ground forcefully and just shrieked again at the top of my lungs, pulling at my hair and crying out loud with such extreme anger and frustration.

"Everyone I care about gets ripped away from me. I don't want to deal with it anymore." I was walking away from Steve, into the forest. Tony, Bruce, Clint and Natasha were all silently watching the scene take place with very stern faces.

"Emily come back." Steve was shouting back and chased after me. I walked about ten meters and just fell over again, unable to contain what I was feeling.

"I can't do it anymore. I just want it to go away. All of it." I told Steve as he caught up next to me.

"It'll be alright." Steve tried to calm me down, it wasn't working.

"I want it, Steve," I was a snotty, wet, crying mess. He didn't understand, "I want the surgery. I want to forget. I hate this, I don't want to feel this when we find Oliver's corpse in a ditch off a highway in the middle of Nevada."

"Em—," he sat beside me and wrapped me in his arms.

"I don't want to die knowing that I never got to tell him everything. I don't want to die with that still on me. I just want to live. I just want to live free from him. I don't want his friendship." I whimpered.

"Are you sure?" he asked, arms holding me tighter.

"I don't want to die anymore." I whispered and he nodded, I was shaking with pain and fear.

**0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0**

I didn't know how he convinced them or whether it was a challenge at all, but everyone else agreed to let the surgery go ahead. If it were anyone else, they probably would have tried to pull the whole 'time heals all wounds' but I didn't have time and Steve knew better than anyone that I would not last much longer with that kind of guilt on my chest. The surgery was approved and next thing i knew I found myself lying on a slab again, about to go under. Steve by my side, holding my hand the entire time.

I couldn't deal with this, it was far too much. I knew that if I had to live without knowing that I never told him the truth about how much he meant or that he never knew about how much I was thankful for, I would die without the tumor. Loosing Phil was crippling but it wasn't safe for me to be allowed to remember all that pain, because if Oliver was dead I wouldn't be able to function. If I lost Oliver too, I would become more than depressed. _It was all too much for one person to handle_.

"Okay, just count back from ten." the surgeon told me as he went to place the gas mask over my face. This would be my last time I would properly remember Phil and Loki, even Oliver. Everything else people would tell me would be stories. It would seem like another person who was seriously messed up. I could remember word for word exactly what my letter I had written to Loki said. Counting down from ten would never suffice, so as I went under the gas I began to recite the letter, my eyes fluttering shut as I trailed along.

_Dear Loki..._

_I suppose that this is goodbye and though we won't see each other again I don't want you to be mad over this. We were awesome and despite how much you claimed to hate Oliver, we made a good little trio. I will miss our sarcastic fights and I'll miss not being able to give you crappy haircuts and forcing you to wear secondhand 'human clothes'. _

_I'd like to think that knowing one another made us better. I know that by knowing you, by really getting to know you, I don't feel so alone in the universe now. I think I'm going to be able to troop on and fight each day as it comes, even if I don't have that many left. I see the world in a newer light, not because you had such an 'optimistic' personality but because I found someone like me and I knew that my fears had been shared by another. _

_I will miss our heart felt conversations, even if you hated to admit that humanity exists in all of us. I will miss sharing my fears with you and you with me. I will miss your little bookworm ass and dressing you in the most fashionable clothing Midgard has to offer._

_Loki, you are what I consider a best friend. Not because you're particularly good at listening more than anyone I know, but because I relate to you. Because when I look at you I see myself staring straight back. __You're not the touchy-feely kind of person that I would expect to take the spot of best friend, you can be cunning and selfish and a massive jerk. But you care and you wanted to protect me when others were afraid to. I respect that tremendously._

_Finally Loki I want you know that I thank you from the bottom of my heart for being part of my life. In our own misguided way, being in each other's presence developed us into stronger and wiser people. So whether you're sulking on the edge of a pier in Toronto or across the other side of the universe in Asgard, I want you to know that I am sincerely and undeniably happy to have met you. _

_Love, Emily Arbor Coulson xx_


	21. Memories

Song Per Chapter: "Tenuous Winners / Returning Home" by James Newton Howard (The Hunger Games (Original Motion Picture Score)

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**Chapter Twenty**

There was a steady beeping, like a heart monitor. I could feel soft bed sheets tucked around me, keeping me nice and warm but not to the point of overheating. There was light coming from somewhere, I could feel it shining in from somewhere. I must have not seen light for a long time. I wriggled in my place and took my hands out from under the covers to put behind my head. The back of it felt very itchy and I couldn't work out why. There was a radio playing music, gently in the corner of the room, it was a beautiful piano solo at the moment. I recognised the song almost instantly, _To Build a Home_ by the Cinematic Orchestra. I opened my eyes to find myself laying in a hospital room, it was raining outside and I could see the rain drops gently hitting the glass. The sound brought a smile to my face. The sound of raindrops always sent funny tingles down my spine. I sat up a little and looked at the food beside my bed, the usual hospital stuff. The jelly was calling my name, which I grabbed quite happily and shoveled into my mouth.

I was sitting up, with my knees under my chin and blankets up to my neck when someone came in the room. A doctor I thought, but he wasn't wearing medical clothing like I would have expected. He had a leather jacket on with a plaid shirt underneath and old worn jeans. He looked at me, with a mouth full of jelly and a huge smile lit up his face. The whole time I felt like there was something I was forgetting, something very important that I knew I shouldn't have forgotten. The man walked forward and pulled a chair up at the side of my bed while I swallowed.

"Chew!" he chuckled.

"It's jelly, you don't need to chew." I said back, matter of factly.

"You just came out of one life threatening situation, I would prefer if you didn't have to face another all because you decided to be difficult and not chew your food." he said handing me a piece of a peanut butter sandwich that was cut up into triangles. I put it into my mouth a chewed it dramatically.

"Yummy." I said once I was done.

"Do you know who I am?" he said softly, as if asking it would be like treading on glass. I tilted my head and my brow furrowed. His face was familiar, I had definitely seen him before. He reached out and took my hand in his own and lightly kissed it. I looked back at him with realisation, I knew who he was, how could I ever forget? I hung my feet off the edge of the bed and with a gentle smile whispered,

"Steve Rogers, my favourite soldier."

Memories started to come back to me, in fragments. Highschool, graduation, missions I had been on in the past... the Battle of New York. I was missing things though. Missing important people. Steve pulled out some photos and put them on the bed beside me, laid out. I had to stare at them for a while to put names to faces and checked them with Steve whether they were right or not.

"Tony Stark." I pointed to a man with a bow and arrow in his hand. Steve shook his head and pointed to the right Tony. Whenever he cleared my mistakes up I felt stupid for not realising, but he was only trying to help.

"Oh... of course. How could I ever mistake Tony Stark!" I palmed myself on the forehead, "The other is... Cameron Barton? No. Clint!" I said with excitement. Steve nodded and I clapped stupidly. Then there was a one photo right in the middle of them all that puzzled me the most.

"That is—," I cut Steve off as I picked up the photo.

"No. Let me get this one." I put the photo up extremely close to my face and squinted. It was an older looking man, he looked roughly around his late forties. He had the same ears as me, I could tell.

"Phil." I finally said with a sigh. But the name was empty. I knew who he was, but yet I could not work out why he was so important. What was it—?

Then it hit me. Square in the face, like a brick. I could suddenly feel tears running down my cheeks, uncontrollably. It was almost like there was two separate people living inside of me. The person who knew and loved the people before me and the confused and battered self that was trying to make sense of the war raging on inside of me. Phil was my brother and I say was because he was _dead_. I started to see it, images flashing across my eyes of the scene. My past self was there and she was trying not to cry. There was blood... _so much blood_. Then it stopped.

"Did you see that." I looked up at Steve and he shook his head wiping away my tears with his sleeve. I couldn't quite understand how I had seen that... exactly that so crystal clear.

I was beginning to understand, I was fading away. My past self was coming back, she was coming back to the surface with all her memories all at once and this clueless version of me was going. I could see the fight on the hellicarrier and how I found out about Dakota Arbor, my birth mother. I was going to find her, my mind was jumping between events, with someone named Stanley. Wait no, he was... Oliver? Oliver Arbor. My other brother. My twin. But he was missing. That thought alone brought forth more tears. _Ollie_. How I missed him, how I was terrified we'd find him dead.

Everything was back, I was back.

"We're going to find Ollie together right?" I turned to him, biting my lip.

"We've been doing our absolute best... but Em," he paused and pulled one last thing from his pocket. It was a letter that had been stuck together with sticky tape. Apparently I hadn't remembered everything and as soon as he pulled out I snatched it from his hands and screwed it up into a ball. I threw it away and ran to the window, closing my eyes and trying to forget. Trying to stop the inevitable.

"Please don't. You've come so far. I know it hurts, you can jus—," Steve tried to be gentle.

"What? Just remember the pain. I ran from it for a reason. I have to forget it. If I try hard enough I can make it go away." I screamed back at him, rubbing my temples and thinking of everything besides the one who broke me.

"Pain makes us who we are. You can't run from it just as I can't run from the images of losing my best friend either. He's not dead Emily, Loki gets to live. He has the chance to fix things because of you, because you knew him. That's something he never would have had otherwise." Steve came up behind my and wrapped his arms tightly around my shoulders. I shook with anger.

"Why do I have to be okay with it though. If I say it out loud than its true and I have to accept it. I'm stupid and angsty. I want to kick down walls like a teenager and shout until my throat can't take anymore but I'm supposed to be strong and it only makes things worse."

"You don't have to be happy about it, no one is expecting you to be, but to deny it is to deny a major part of your life. Even if at first it hurt to think you had moved on to him, I'm not one to hold a grudge. You were happy when he was around and in time I hope you can be happy again... with me here." Steve said.

"Can I visit him?" my voice cracked.

"I don't think it's possible. If it were you would have been the first to know."

"... You said you lost your best friend. Who?" I asked opening my eyes and turning to hold Steve.

"His name was Bucky. Bucky Barnes. He fell from a a train that was travelling along a cliff when I was fighting in the Second World War. I was inches away from saving him but the metal bar he was holding snapped and he fell. There was nothing I could do." he said, dropping his head.

"Death is screwed up." I put my head flat on his chest, ear on his heart.

"But you have to try and move on. Even if you don't want to be strong for yourself or anyone else, do it for them. They wouldn't want to see you stop your entire life just for them. They understand that there are bigger things out there."

"Where do we go from here?"

"Well, we get you all better and we find your brother. No one else has to die."

"Good."

"You know..." Steve let go a little, "We never got to have our chat."

"Yeah, I know. But to be honest I know everything you're going to say. If I'm right, you know everything I would say in response. I know how you waited and hoped for it all to be a joke. Or to want to get revenge. I would say how sorry I am and I would promise you never to do it again."

"Actually... I would have confessed how I got a little jealous."

"You?" I scoffed, "America's Hero, jealous?"

"Hard to believe but it's true. They kept me out of the loop, I had to find everything out on my own. I thought that you and Loki... I mean."

"You thought, like everyone else, that there was something more between us?"

"Shamefully." he laughed.

"At one stage I thought I might have too, but every time I thought about it I could see the image of Phil's body dying in my arms. Even for all of his reform, that's something you just can't get past, even if it wasn't his fault."

"That makes me relieved."

"I was confused for a very long time, but I supposed my final decision was based on more than just something he didn't have control of. With or without my influence, he still killed hundred of other people and led the Chitauri army to destroy and kill countless more people in New York. I didn't want to get in bed with that, if you excuse the pun."

"I suppose I should give you this then," he pulled an envelope out of his other pocket and handed it to me, "He had a chance to write his own message. I didn't read it by the way."

"Oh..." I took it in my own and stared at it. I had a piece of him to keep, the final chapter to our story. But I couldn't get myself to open it. Not that I didn't want to read inside, it was just that I hated endings. I hated saying goodbye. But more than that, I didn't need to read it. I knew what it would say and it would just make me break down again. So I slipped it into my pocket and nodded happily at Steve, who had proceeded to leave.

"Wait." I stopped him.

"I was going to give you some space to read it?"

"I don't need to read it. I think it's easier to leave it up in the air and not end our story. Who knows, maybe if the stars align we will get to see each other again, and he can tell it all to me then. Right now, all I care about is moving from the past and facing my demons."

"I'm glad to hear it."

"Do you think I could get out of here? Go for a walk or something, because I feel great."

"The doctors would beg to differ." Steve smiled and leant on the door.

"Please. I've been cooped up for months, first at the warehouse and now in hospital rooms. I need to stretch my legs and run around with my shoes of in the grass."

"They'll kill me if I let you out." Steve apologized.

"You're such a buzz kill."

"Watch it, you're starting to sound like Tony."

"I don't know whether or not to take that as an insult or not."

"Take it however you please, but I can't let you out until the doctors give you the okay. In the mean time, I'll see if I can find some board games."

He left and I finished eating all my hospital food, making sure that I chewed every last piece of it so Steve wouldn't rouse on me. He came back in with a monopoly board, smiling.

"I know this one!" he exclaimed, "And if I do say so myself, I was pretty good back in the day."

"But you never met me, and lets remember I'm a super genius so I will wipe the board with you."

"It's a game of chance!"

"It's a game of strategy." I corrected.

"Should I get something else?"

"To be honest I'm not in the mood to play board games." I laid on my stomach on the bed, legs twiddling in the air.

"What do you propose then?"

"Tell me about the fourties." I smiled, "What was it like?"

"Um... he seemed stoked.

"Actually tell me about re-adjusting." I sat up as he pulled his chair up. I looked like a little child waiting for a bedtime story.

"There have been some confusing things to get used to. The urm... 'interweb'. It is incredibly the technology, it's the type of things that you see in fantasy novels of aliens and space travel. It hardly makes sense but the information you have access to at the tip of your fingers is amazing."

"Online shopping is the best part about it!" I laughed.

"The vehicles are so odd looking." he was laughing with me too and his eyes caught mine in a peculiar way, "But there are some terrible things too."

"Steve..." I softened my voice.

"I know that things are getting better, I can feel it, but I don't think you quite understand what happened to me when I thought you died." he wasn't looking at me, "I can't get drunk, my metabolism absorbs the alcohol to quickly. So every day I went down into the rehabilitation facility and punched sand bags trying to forget. Because for me, it was my fault. I let you dawdle behind, I got distracted and it was my mistake that got you killed."

"It wasn't re—," I went to interrupt.

"Don't tell me it wasn't real. To me, to all of us, it was so real. I was there to bury you, I couldn't even get up to give the eulogy speech. And then I start to notice all of the team avoiding me, there was a secret they were hiding so I had to go looking for myself and I find you, in a lab. Then Loki blew it up and whisked you off your feet. I made light of the fact that I was jealous, I was pained. You had given me up to be with the man that killed your brother. I want to be close with you like we were. I know we didn't know each other long, but you had some kind of allure to you. You broke my heart into pieces and I really am trying to let you back in a laugh because the old you is coming back but it's not easy."

"I never loved Loki like I loved you. You are everything good in this world and you seem to always be there. But that person, the one that broke you, she's still there. She's hidden under a lot of layers and she's not coming out any time soon. I will never be the old me, just a new improved version."

"I don't know if I like the upgrade." he sighed as the rain got heavier.

"You were the only mistake I regret. The one person that I hated to do this to. But it's over now, I'm fixed. I'm bruised and battered, but I'm out the other side. If you'll give it a chance, I'll try to make it up to you. If you let me in, I want to be how we were before." I grasped his hands.

"I want it too."

"Then we'll find a way to make it work, because I owe it to you."

* * *

**Authors Note:** Wow, we've come so far. I'm sorry it's been a month, been a little thrown off. Had a little fanfiction-life-crisis where I had to examine whether it was worth my while to even finish. I got over it, I just had to realise that just because people don't leave reviews its not the end of the world. So thats done and I was able to get this out. I think Steve and Emily have a lot of work to do before they can get to where they were, but I have high hopes for them. Steve doesn't hold gruges. Feel free to comment, or not. Whatever :)


	22. Peanuts, Pretzels and Pretty Blue Eyes

Song Per Chapter: "Isolation" by Brian Tyler (Iron Man 3 OST)

* * *

**Chapter Twenty-One: **

"Please can I have a field trip day." I looked up at Tony with puppy dog eyes as he entered the hospital room with flowers and Pepper Potts in hand.

"How you feeling?" he started to look around the room at clipboards with medical details on me.

"A lot better than every doctor and nurse keeps telling me. I'm feeling much better... myself."

"I saw Rogers down the hall trying to work a vending machine. Said you felt like peanuts." Tony raised an eyebrow.

"Have you ever had to suffer hospital food for extended amounts of time. I've been in here for two weeks now and the jelly and ice cream can only do so much to mask the taste of the soggy egg and mayonnaise sandwiches that used to be my favourite."

"I've had my fair share." he plonked himself on the sofa chair and pulled Pepper onto his lap as Steve walked in the door, "You know, pastel blue and white checked hospital clothing really brings out the colour in your eyes." Tony teased.

"She could wear anything and those eyes would pop." Steve smiled and sat beside me handing me a packet of peanuts and opening a bag of pretzels for himself.

"So, has he left the hospital yet?" Tony looked directly at Steve who frowned, "A diet of pretzels will only get you so far. I'm surprised you deduced out how the machine worked."

"Leave him alone Tony." Pepper nudged Stark in the gut a little, "There's nothing wrong with being worried about the people you care about."

"There is when you wait on them hand and foot."

"Well, I'm glad to have him around. Otherwise I would be incredibly lonely and after everything that has happened recently, it's a good thing. Besides, there's only so many re-runs of Toddlers and Tiara's that one person can take." I flicked the television on to reveal yet another episode running on the cable connection.

"Company is all you need right now. For the both of you." Pepper stood up off Tony's lap, "Not that I know anything about the top secret ongoings of your lives or anything."

"It's alright Pepper, we know you know. Tony has a big mouth and well like you said, 'Talking to other people about the events that passed is good'."

"You know what?" Tony stood up as well and wrapped his arms around Pepper's waist, "We'll speak to the doctors and see if we can get you out of here."

"There's already a relocation plan in preparation." a booming voice interrupted and the familiar face walked through the door. Nick Fury, "Some of you belongings from the old base were recovered and have been moved to an apartment in the city, which Phil had purchased and planned to live in before... well I'm sure you're aware."

"He left me an apartment in his will?"

"He certainly did."

"But wait. What about the world council? Aren't they trying to incarcerate me for life?"

"Ah... I believe I was supposed to tell you about that." Tony stepped forward.

"We had to do some _heavy_ persuasion, but it seems things are cleared. You're cleared." Fury gloated.

"And is there any word yet from Asgard? Has Thor made any attempts to contact us? Are they safe?"

"No word as such. But I'm sure they're fine and Loki is receiving his punishment fairly." Fury cut me off as I began to babble.

"Just wondering... Anyways, when can I be let out?" I asked.

"Any time you click your pretty little fingers." Fury turned and a man handed him a duffle-bag and he in turn handed it to me.

"Civilian life." I smiled as I opened the bag and inside sat some of my old clothes, ones I thought had been destroyed.

"Not exactly. It's your choice, but with proper training we can teach you to use your abilities without the side effects. The tumor isn't going to come back, as long as you keep your stress levels down and harness the key to using them."

"I think I already have." I turned away from everyone and began to walk towards the window. Looking up into the sky as the sun began to sink behind the high rise buildings, "I thought at first that when I got scared it would trigger it and then after Phil... I thought it was anger. But it's none of those. This is going to sound as cheesy as hell but it's love. When I care about people, truly that's when my powers work best. It's an emotional response."

"And that does sound cheesy." Tony remarked.

"It can be as cheesy as it wants, as long as it works." I looked back.

"So are you back in."

"As what? A weapon?" I asked Fury.

"You are your own maker. If you want to be a weapon then so be it. But we want you to be in complete control. Take control of your life Emily and don't let it ever spiral from underneath you again. S.H.I.E.L.D has you back. Once an agent, always an agent."

"I'm going to find Ollie. I need to be strong though and not like before. Last time I thought cutting off my friends would make me better, but it doesn't. So if I'm in, everyone else has to be. You've got to watch me, because if I start to go off the rails again I'm going to need my friends to pull me back into line."

"Deal."

**0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0**

The keys jingled in my hands as Steve came up beside me and the smell of someone so familiar was just behind a single door. I pushed the key in the slot and twisted it, the lock clicking open. The door swung open as I stood in the hallway and my soldier came and rested his hands on my shoulder. Everything was like I remembered. I didn't visit is home often, nor did he, but it screamed Phil from every nook and cranny. It made me feel warm and fuzzy inside as Steve let go of my shoulders and took my hand, leading me into my new home.

"How you doing? You're not going to break on me yet, are you?" he looked concerned.

"No, no. I'm fine. Actually I'm doing great. All of this, it's amazing. It's like a dream." I walked in on my own and shut the door behind us.

"I miss this." Steve looked as me as my curious eyes noted down everything around me, "I miss the small things. Like buying a house and holiday dinners with the family."

"I forget that I'm not the only one who has lost so much." I wrapped my arms around him, "I don't mean to be selfish."

"You're not selfish Em. You and I, we just have a lot of bad history, bad memories. Grieving and reminiscing about them is not selfish. It's not selfish to be sad about the things we missed that normal people have."

"Is it just me, or do you feel like they're watching you." I said softly. He nodded as we stood embracing.

"All the time. Sometimes it's like they guide me, that they keep my head straight, even when they're not here."

"Your parents, were you close?"

"Urh... wow." he let go of me and grimaced, leaning his hand on the kitchen bench, "I haven't thought about them for a while. You try not to, you know."

"I know." I slumped against the door.

"But yeah. We were pretty close. My mother used to bake cookies every wednesday and they'd be piping hot when I got home from school. Me and my best friend, Bucky, would try and sneak past her and take them off the cooling rack, but she'd always catch us and ruffle our hair and then give us one each only, never any more. And when I used to come home from school with black eyes, my father would sit by my side on the stairs in our house and tell me how things would be better one day. He taught me right from wrong and to pity those that couldn't see how special I was."

"It's the small things that get you."

"Back in the Second World War, there was this girl. Peggy Carter. I thought that I loved her and when I put the plane in the ocean I promised her that I would go on a date with her at this bar we both knew. I looked her up when you were gone, she's an old lady now. She's seventy and she looks it and that hurts to know. Because how can I just waltz on in and say hello looking like this."

"Then there's the fact that there's aliens and whole other dimensions and technologies that we've never heard of and it's starting to surround us. The Battle at New York was only the beginning. There's going to be more coming."

"We are so damaged." Steve turned to me, he looked incredibly sad. I paced over to him and took up his hand and kissed it.

"All better?" I looked up at him gently, his eyes brightened just a little, "I think everyone's a little more damaged than they like to let on. That's what makes us human."

* * *

**Authors Note:** It's been a while. Sorry about that, school has been running me ramped. I just saw the midnight screening of Iron Man 3 the other night and got me back into the swing of things. I wanted this chapter to be more about Cap than Emily, because it is important to realise that these events have an impact on more than just her and it's okay for them to be nervous and scared by it. This is something I learned especially from watching IM3. It's brilliant, you should see it as soon as possible. We are going to start moving on to the last few chapters of this story now. I will attempt to be commited, but as always no promises. I do have a life outside fanfic, but you marvelous readers have seemed to understand that and not pestered me too much about it which I respect. Thank you again for sticking with me after everything. Can you believe it's almost been a year since Panic first came out?! _REVIEW TIME_!

_allycat23_: Steve is a precious baby who I hold very close to my heart. I'm sorry if this chapter broke your heart again but I do love me some heartfelt chats.

_Honey-Bee128_: Steve and Emily are my OTP. Actually not really, but they are a joy to write. I want some more bubbly fun to happen between them now. I think the days of angst are almost over *sigh*. About dropping the story, for a while I just couldn't pick up where I stopped. It was hard especially because I got myself in this bad place of expecting people to comment all the time. But I've realised I need to stop worrying about that and just write because I enjoy it and I enjoy my characters and that that is the best reason to be a writer in general. Your words of praise definitely do inspire me more though ;)


	23. Convenient Coincidences

Song Per Chapter: "Precious Cargo" by Steve Jablonsky (Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen(The Original Score)

* * *

**Chapter Twenty-Two**

The apartment was not as fresh of a start as I would have liked, but it was important not to forget my roots. They would keep me sane when times became rough. I had more important things to be worrying about than just staying grounded. I finally had a future ahead of me, a bright and mysterious one at that. It was time for me to hunt down my remaining brother even if it killed me (preferably not). I had a newfound sense of optimism, an attitude that made me feel such adrenaline that I could dare to take on an entire chitauri army single handed and be sure I would win. I had to believe he was still living, the whole twin bonding came into play, I would just know in my gut if something was wrong. Since he was a telepath and I was a mess of mind tricks, all our wealth of knowledge had to give us that. Until it could be completely certified that he was dead and his last had been taken away from my side I would not rest. Family is there for one another, despite anything and any obstacle.

I wandered the house in the early hours of the morning, as the sun only began to rise from the peaks of the crumbly buildings that still stood after the battle that should have destroyed them many months ago. Construction workers swarmed them like ants, it was amazing how human beings could rebuild everything they had lost with such a spirit and determination that others could not match. _Others_. There were other things out in the world and we knew that now, but it was lightyears away. I could smell the bustle of the city below, the exhaust fumes billowing up into the sky. It seemed so picturesque and normal, it seemed wrong for me to want it. I could smell the delicious coffee shop that sat at the bottom of the building and the hearty breakfasts being served below. Amongst all the bustle there was a certain kind of indescribable beauty and serenity. I had wrapped myself up in one of the blanket's in from Phil's cupboards that smelt just like him and I was home.

Steve was fast asleep on the couch; he had insisted that I take the one double bed up by myself. I knew he wasn't completely ready to take the next step in our relationship or whatever you would call it. For now, I suppose, it was what I wanted too. I didn't want to put myself in a compromising situation where I had to be entirely in love and dedicated straight away. What we were right now, just living together and being together as company rather than anything else purely romantic was comfortable. It just fit.

The kitchen was tiny, but never the less it was still stocked with food. Chocolate malt lined the cupboards in rows. Phil had always been a chocoholic. So I made myself my very own hot chocolate and sat on the balcony as the noise began to rise and my quiet content faded with the liveliness of the city. It was alive. So I stood back up in my pajamas and went back inside to find Steve just waking from his deep sleep, a tired smile forming on his face as he half yawned and gawped at the bright day as I had.

"Morning sunshine." I said placing my mug in the kitchen sink and slumping on the bench.

"Morning, you look as beautiful as ever." he stretched.

"How was you sleep?"

"Good, very good. I had a dream about you and I." Steve started, "We were on a beach somewhere. I think in Miami. I've never actually seen a beach in real life, only in the pictures. So we visited on a holiday and you got sand stuck in your eye and I had to blow it out for you. And you dunked me under the water and pushed me into the waves."

"Sounds fun." I agreed, sitting down next to him on the couch and throwing the blanket over him.

"It was incredible fun." he assured me.

"You know... I've been thinking," I said cheerfully, "We should be more like this. Just doing normal people things and living in a city apartment, maybe even get a normal job. We could open a flower store. With all the savings that Phil left me and what I have saved we're bound to have enough money."

"But what about being an agent, or a soldier. How do we simply adapt to be average people and hide our abilities?" Steve questioned.

"There's more to us than just being super strong or smart. We are capable of so much and if S.H.I.E.L.D ever need us again all they have to do is ask. We could have secret identities."

"But our faces were plastered all over the news."

"Not all of ours, besides it's been almost a year since that happened. You haven't been in the public eye since, people just forget about the heroes of this world."

"You're talking about building a life together." Steve pulled me closer and the blanket tighter.

"Well it's building experiences and memories together, God knows how precious they are and how many opportunities we have to make the most of our lives right now." I became quieter.

"I've got no objection to it." he beamed, twisting my hair in his fingers.

"But, first things first. Ollie. I couldn't imagine building anything without knowing that my family is still out there to support me." I rested my head on his shoulder.

"I'll call Fury and see what he can find." he went to get up as I stopped him.

"Actually, I've got a better idea. Do you know where I put the laptop last night?" I asked getting up and going in search.

"The bedroom I think." and he was right. I brought it back and opened it up.

"Fury's supercomputers can only do so much. I believe it's my turn to take command. The more time we waste the more likely they'll kill him."

"I don't want to be pessimistic—," Steve began to say when I stopped him.

"—but what if he's dead?" I finished his sentence.

"Yeah."

"Well we'll cross that bridge if we get there. But I can feel it in my gut, we have a connection. I can't feel that severed, so he's got to be out there somewhere. I just have to look a little harder."

"Right, how can I be of assistance?"

"Can you get Fury on the phone. If they're going to help me learn how to control my powers I'm going to need all the help I can get." I opened the laptop and put my palm on the screen, "But I'll see what I can do for now."

There was buzzing and whizzing, I wasn't sure what I was looking for. I had an image of his face in my head and began to search for it everywhere. Matching and working my way along. Steve hovered over like a nervous nanny the entire time, making sure I wouldn't push too hard. I started to get some leads, looking at security cameras the day the brutes took him. They were good, very good. They tried to steer clear of security cameras as best they could, or they shot them down before you could see anything, but that was the biggest mistake. I was following a trace, of security or speeding cameras that went black any area near the escape site. Some of them were dead ends, some punks taking them out, but then I caught their trail again. They had stolen a car at a gas station and made their getaway from there. I could track their movement then, once they got in the car they stopped shooting down the cameras which made it easy for me to follow them. I supposed that this was as far as S.H.I.E.L.D had got, because as soon as they took a turn off down a highway that went into the middle of the no-where, where security cameras stopped tracking them I got lost.

I felt a gentle hand on my shoulder as Steve had let Fury inside, it had been a couple of hours since I started and I hadn't even noticed.

"Glad to know that you called." Fury sat in front of me and closed the laptop, "Thought we were going to do this the safe way."

"Well, I wanted to get a head start. I've worked out that they got away in a stolen car taken from around the area and then they travelled until they got to the highway and I've lost them."

"That's about as far as we got in a couple of weeks. We thought they might have been hiding out somewhere in the mountains so we sent some agents out, seems the car was dumped and there's records that it got towed."

"So they dumped that and picked up another car... what do they want him for?"

"Well if it was for leverage they would have contacted us by now, either they need him to help them escape or they've dumped him too." Fury said blatantly.

"I don't think that they have, there hasn't been any reports of dead bodies lying around in the area or any signs of upturned earth on our satellite feeds. Besides he's not exactly helpless, I doubt he would have kept that inhibitor bracelet on. At the minimum he would have broken it like I did to mine." I said, still hopeful.

"Maybe you're right, but then where did they go and why hasn't he tried to contact you?" Steve asked.

"It's not an exact science, remember what happened last time when he tried to contact me? I ended up getting an intergalactic demi-god to murder my other brother."

"Point taken."

"Look, we just got to look deeper. There's an answer to all of it. It's possible he hasn't broken the cuff, or that he's been unconscious the whole time or they could have even convinced him to help them in their plight. We don't know, so until we have answers, everything is just a theory and I'm going to hope for the best. If he was dead I would know." I explained to Fury, hoping he could see the pattern of thought.

"Fine." Fury sighed reluctantly.

"Would you like something to eat?" I asked openly, Fury and Steve shook their heads, "Well I'm starving so I'm ordering pizza."

"Hold that thought." Fury said as his phone began to ring, which he answered instantaneously, "What's happening... wait what?!" he shouted. Steve and I shared a worried glance.

"What do you mean they got out, it's not exactly a casual place to go for a stroll. You go to Rykers Island you don't come back out."

"Did you say, Rykers Island." I suddenly shouted out, getting to my feet, 'Fury what's going on."

He held out a single finger to me while he got further details, nodded and hung up.

"This is not good." he announced.

"What's wrong with Rykers Island?" Steve said cluelessly. Fury and I shared a silent glance, "Come on, tell me!"

"It's a prison Steve." I said.

"_They got out..._?" he whispered, putting pieces together.

"Someone blew it up. There's twenty inmates missing... guess who's on the list." he turned to me, I already knew the answer. It had been so long ago that I had found out my true identity, who my real parents were and that I had another mother who I longed to meet. Oliver and I planned to find her and be a proper family, only she was celled up inside the very prison that had just been blown apart. My birth mother, in all her tormented insanity was loose. Now I had two very large issues on my hand. Save Oliver, find my mother and make sure nobody else died in the process.

"My mum." I said softly in response, Fury nodded.

"Then we suit up." Steve jumped in, eager to fix things.

"It's not that simple. Emily, check the time stamp on those last couple of satellite images of your brother." and I opened the computer again, placed my hand on it and quickly pulled up what he requested.

"It's looping." I said with sudden realisation, "The image is looping."

"Looks like someone has been cramping your style and tampering with security footage," Steve added.

"No one says 'cramping your style' anymore." said a familiar voice coming through the door to my apartment. Low and behold, Stark and his snarky grin had showed up, "Swag... yeah all the hip kids say swag now right." he teased.

"Leave him alone." I toyed back, he walked into my kitchen and poured himself some coffee that Steve must have made while I was searching in the computer those many hours ago.

"Ew... cold." he dribbled it back into the cup in disgust.

"Charming, isn't he." I turned to Fury as he frowned.

"Back to the matter," he directed the conversation as Tony interrupted again.

"Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait..." he clambered over near me, pulling a small wrapped present from his pocket, "Housewarming present." he handed it to me.

"Thank you. Thank's very nice of you." I smiled, quite thrilled to see what he had decided would be a hilariously satirical gift. I unwrapped it as Fury continued.

"The video loop... got to set up to throw us off their scent."

"But it can't be coincidental, not something like that." I pulled the wrapping paper away and a little box sat on the inside, "A loop in the video, is not something your average Joe can pull off. And while I'm sure people know how to do it, it can't be just luck that I looked at it. They're sending a message, they know something."

"What's your point?" Fury was getting confused. I started to lift the lid off the box.

"My point is, that someone is trying to poke at me. They know about Oliver and they might have gotten something out of him. So chances are that they might know about how I looped the security footage to see Loki that time, when I accidently sent the mixed message to kill Phil."

"I wouldn't jump to conclusions." Fury shook his head. I took the lid off the box and peered in.

"But it could be a sign." I pleaded. I looked inside the box and there sat a small disc like device. I was puzzled, "Tony, what in the world is it?"

"It's a keychain, duh. It's not exactly the hardest thing to identify." he rolled his eyes, "You're welcome."

"Wait..." I paused. The thing inside the box was not at all a keychain. Steve peered over my shoulder into the box as well.

"I know I'm not exactly an expert, but I know what a keychain is and that's not—," Steve went to say as Tony snatched the box out of my hands.

"What the hell is that?" he said, pulling the tiny coin like thing from the box. Instantly it started to beep and flash a little red light. With barely any time to react, I panicked and snatched it from his hand, throwing it towards the open window of the apartment. Almost as it reached the window the tiny disc stopped beeping and with a loud bang it self destruct, creating a mini explosion that sent everyone toppling backwards in a cloud of fire.

My ears were ringing as I tried to get to my feet. There was debris and glass everywhere and a whole manner of things on fire. I froze, everything in my body tensed up as a _sound_ filled the air. I could tell what it was before it got too far into it's course, the same buzzing as before that the inhibitor bracelets made to paralyse you.

"Emily!" I could hear Steve scream looking for me, as Fury and Tony got to their feet, bloodied and ready for a fight. Then the buzzing took full hold, as Steve appeared from behind the charred couch, instantly falling to his knees. Paralysis. I couldn't move either, nor Tony or Fury. Falling. As I struggled to gain movement there was another bang, as the door was kicked down and in ran masked people who shoved a bag over my head, darkness consuming me.

This was definitely no coincidence.

* * *

**Authors Note:** Ahhh, i'm so bag at updating. I need to stop worry about it so much, I do my best and I suppose that's all anyone can ask. I've actually have this chapter sitting half finished for weeks now, just couldn't think of how to lead into the next part of my story. This chapter is a little bit confusing, but I hope you get it :P Sorry if it's hard to understand. ONTO A REVIEW BEAUTIFUL REVIEW:

destined to be me: I actually was inspired to put this chapter up urgently because of you, your plea has been heard! Also, way to flatter a person! The fact that you think this is one of the best stories you ever read genuinely made my day, I had the dorkiest but biggest smile on my face reading your review. On the topic of book writing, I've actually started to write my own novella series current;y, which I've been working on pretty on and off for over a year now. But thanks for the support, it means a lot to me. Sometimes I can feel a little neglected so it's good to know people still care about my writing.

You guys are brilliant, love you all. New chapter as soon as I can, try not to ask because I'm quite hectic at school right now. I have my final year of school almost over and a lot of VERY IMPORTANT tests that will determine my life are coming at me in less than a month... eeep for adult life pressure.


	24. Ginger Ninja

Song per Chapter: "Merchant of Death" by Ramin Djawadi (Iron Man)

* * *

**Chapter Twenty-Three**

I could feel heavy hands pick me up in my frozen state and carry me from the room, not making a sound. People were coming out of their own apartments to see what the noise had been only to be met with a shower of bullets. Piercing screams grew louder. Down the stairs and into what I thought must have been a car, I was passed over like a rag doll. The next man was much gentler, taking me in his arms with care and placing me softly in a seat, buckling me up. I felt someone else get seated beside me, twitching occasionally. Their hand brushed against my own and grasped it tightly, clammy as ever. _Steve_.

"Someone knock this guy out." a coarse voice shouted as a door to a van slid shut. With a heavy thump I felt Steve's hand go still and the van take off. I couldn't speak, I couldn't move. I was frightened with terror. What did they do with Fury and Stark? Was Steve alright and who the hell were these people?

Another hand touched my shoulder, I guessed it belonged to the careful man, as he came closer to whisper into my ear.

"It's going to be okay Em. Just do what they say and everything will be alright." he whispered. My heart dropped and I let out a tiny sigh of relief. _Ollie_!

"Oi, ginger get away from her." someone yanked him from my side.

"I was just trying to calm her down. She's dangerous when she panics." Oliver explained. Smooth talk them Ollie, you're doing great.

"Fine... while you're at it find out what she knows. Scan her head." the other said. There was a clicking noise before suddenly I could hear a voice on the back of my mind.

"_Hey there_," it said.

"Hey yourself." I thought, if my muscles weren't paralyzed I would have the biggest grin on my face.

"_Look we don't have much time. They'll be able to tell if anything's up. They've got stolen inhibitor technology from S.H.I.E.L.D that stops me from getting into their heads and they've been able to turn my powers on and off with the cuffs. I can't run away because I'm useless with out my powers and they're all trained assassins. They'd gun me down in seconds_." Oliver explained.

"What do you need me to do?"

"_They don't realise you have abilities. As far as they know you're just rogue S.H.I.E.L.D agents. They weren't expecting Fury or Stark either._"

"What'd they do to them Oliver?" I said with concern.

"_Don't worry, they're alright. They made me wipe their memories._"

"Then who's going to save us?" I said snarkily.

"_You are._" he said with delight.

"Oi. Ginger what does she know." said the other man.

"Urmm... she's hard to crack, she's thinking in Russian." Ollie lied.

"Well then stop her." the man said before keeping quiet.

"Doing it right now." he said as his voice in my head returned, "_You need to use your telekinesis. Can you do that?_"

"How?" I asked annoyed, unlike him I was not a mind reader and he tended to hang onto ambiguity much too often.

"_When I step on your foot make the bag come off your head, so you can see, and you can be creative from there._"

"I can't move though."

"_But you can move yourself._" he hinted, "_Just take the door off the car of something and chuck yourself out._"

"What about Steve?"

"_He'll be alright. I promise I won't let them hurt him._"

"But you can't even protect yourself."

"_I'll figure something out. I need you to be able to go back with Fury and Stark. I need to make sure that you're safe, but if you stay I don't know what they'll do to you. I don't know where they'll take you. At least this way you can identify the guys and you can hunt us down rather than everyone thinking that you and spangly pants have run off to elope or something_."

"You realise that you blew up my living room right? Couples don't casually do that with their friends inside and then disappear. Plus even if they rationalized a stupid plot line where they found us packing to leave, then we attacked them with explosives for no obvious reason and disappeared, as per usual they'd come after us."

"_Just do it._"

"Fine. Tell your man that I've learn't everything about them. You need to make him spill his plans anyway. He's likely to panic and rattle everything off before thinking it's a good idea to kill me. But Steve doesn't know anything, alright?"

"_Alright_."

"And please try and look convincing." I rolled my eyes inside my mind (if that's even possible?).

"She..." Oliver pulled away from me, stuttering, "She...Everything. She knows everything."

"How does she know about the take over of Rykers Island. That was supposed to be top secret." one screamed in anger.

"She... sensed something wasn't right about the break out, thought it must have been a rouse." Oliver lied.

"Queenie's not gonna like this. Did she tell anyone about the hidden message in the S.H.I.E.L.D coms? 'Cause if she did we're screwed."

"No, only figured it out a couple of minutes before we arrived." Oliver was good at getting them to spill their information.

"Someone better call boss though, just to make sure." the passenger said, pulling out his phone and calling himself.

"At least we had the right people." chuckled the driver, "Do you think Queenie will want her dead?"

"Of course. I'll be happy to do it too." said the rough one in the passenger seat as a gun cocked.

"What about the blonde guy?" their leader continued to question what I knew. I had counted at least three other guys besides Oliver, Steve and I in the car.

"He doesn't know a thing. He's just the boyfriend." Oliver tried to sound casual.

"Oh well. Wrong place wrong time. We'll have to kill him too."

"But not in my car," the driver spoke up again, "I'm not paying to have it cleaned again."

"I'll be happy to pay the cost, I'm itching to kill 'em. Even if neither of them knew anything they're still in league with S.H.I.E.L.D that locked me up for ten years without trial or parol. I can blame my crazy on them. Besides, it could be therapeutic." the leader must have been pointing his gun forward, because I felt a sharp heel in my foot. My signal of escape. But despite what Oliver had said, I had another plan. I was getting the three of us out of here and there was no argument about it whatsoever.

The bag on my head flew off instantly as I caught a glimpse of my captors and my half smiling half panicking brother. Without a seconds delay I ripped the gun from the leaders hand and shot him once in each shin. He would not be coming after us. The other one turned around as their leader yelped in pain, another gun in hand, firing before I had the chance to do anything. It clipped me on the shoulder and I would have screamed if the situation was any different, but for now letting loose an array of insults (that were not in the slightest PG) inside my head would have to do. Next I unlocked the latch on the doors and opened the one closest to Steve. It swung open and got ripped off by a garbage truck coming the other way, a grinding metal sound chilling my bones.

Anyone with the ability to scream was screaming. The driver was practically crying at the fact I had dented his car beyond repair, their leader trying to stay in control but painfully grasping at his legs, the third fellow was turning himself around to be of more use but the sweat was pouring from his face and finally Oliver's face was something that money could not buy. It was half warped in complete and absolute terror and then excitement at everything that was going on. Steve still had a bag on his head! At times like these I wish I had a camera.

I flung Steve out the opened door as a break in the traffic appeared. As soon as I did, Oliver was onto me.

"_What are you doing?_" his panicked thoughts filled my mind.

"Saving _all_ our asses!" I chuckled and threw him out the door too. Then it was just me left as the other guy proceeded to shoot again. This time his shot hit me square in the left arm, going deep and coming out the other side. With anger I flung him back against the window shield, smashing it in the process and him half inside the vehicle and half unconscious on the bonnet of the car. Their leader leapt forward at me as I tried to get out myself, hovering towards the door (looking slightly possessed and creepy, imagine exorcist creepy. Don't judge me I was paralyzed!). He pinned me down and we struggled as I tried to get him off me without chucking him into oncoming traffic. That was a mess I did not want to be responsible for.

To my delight the driver slowly came to a stop, to the confusion of the other men. Their leader had my face smothered with the bag again, making breathing increasingly hard.

"What the hell are you doing?" their leader shouted, the driver didn't respond. I was still trying to mentally push this guy off, but with the paralysis making me dreary and my powers draining my energy there wasn't much fight left in me. There were cars beeping angrily at us as our car backed up the hectic New York traffic.

"Ted. Move this car right now!" he shouted angrily, but still the driver Ted did not respond. He looked back down at me a winced as he knelt forward to get a better grip around my throat. The air was becoming thin and scarce. I couldn't think, couldn't fight. I had flashbacks of when the real Stanley Witmore had done the exact same thing. Frozen. Vision going spotty. Loss of oxygen. Just as I was ready to give up his hands suddenly relented and he got off of me. The air raced back in as two firm hands picked me up in their grasp and whisked me away from the site, but not without taking the opportunity to kick my would be killer in the head.

"You should have followed the plan." Oliver said out loud as he walked us into an alleyway, a couple of meters away from the kidnappers car. Conveniently, Steve was laying there also.

"Did you drag him here yourself?" I asked him mentally. He shook his head.

"I asked two big beefy guys to carry him here while I chased after you... and then told them to forget it once they'd done it." he sat me down, propping me against the wall, "You two will still be frozen for another hour or two. I'll sit here and keep watch." he proposed, noticing my bleeding arm.

"Shit Em! I told you to be careful!" he ripped his shirt and began to wrap it around my arm tightly.

"I'll be fine." I sighed, some of my movement coming back to me.

"Well, I'm calling an ambulance whether you like it or not. Both of you need medical attention. Besides you might as well have a rest. God knows, we've got a lot of explaining to do to Fury and your merry band of superheroes when they get word of this!"

* * *

**Authors Note: **

Yay, new update. You know what, I really do love Oliver. He's got a lot of potential as a character. Meh, that's just my thoughts anyway. So recently I've been doing like a butt tonne of reading with my newly purchased Marvel comics. If you haven't already glanced at Avengers vs. X-men I strongly suggest you do. It's epic! Anyway, I've been inspired to start my own kind of webcomic series soon. I just have to brush up on my drawing skills and maybe find a few people to collab with and I'll get it started. I was thinking what it would be like to launch this story as a web comic but I am no where near ready to do something on such as scale. Maybe in the distant future if it doesn't breach copyright issues. Maybe I'll rewrite it a bit differently to exclude her from movie events and do something completely new. Wow this has got me excited. Would you read it?


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